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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has forgotten its own clothes day at school and is there in his uniform. Am I unreasonable not to take some clothes in for him to change into

215 replies

hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 09:03

I should point out we live rurally some 17 miles from school and it is a 1 hour round trip.

I have already driven him and his sister in this morning - he didn't realise until we got to the school gates and he saw his mates. I reminded him about it yesterday but he'd forgotten by this morning, and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

He is in Y8. There are a couple of other boys that I spotted that had forgotten. They looked as forlorn as him. He is bound to be the subject of 'banter' from his peers, and I know that he will hate this (he can be oversensitive)

I don't feel that I should not have to waste another hour of my morning driving in and also that he should own his mistakes...but I also feel guilty for not driving in Sad

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 14/07/2017 09:23

I would go in a heartbeat.

Autofillcontact · 14/07/2017 09:24

I'd go- I agree with the previous poster who said they wouldn't leave work but since you're at home mumsnet ting...

I think his lesson has been learnt surely?

thebear1 · 14/07/2017 09:24

No I wouldn't because I would not expect office staff to hunt my son down to pass on the clothes.

PicaPauAmarelo · 14/07/2017 09:24

I can see why you'd want to take clothes but imagine being 13 and having mummy turn up with clothes. That's probably much worse. If I took clothes for my 14 year old, they'd probably be the wrong ones anyway. He'll be fine.

Smartiepants79 · 14/07/2017 09:25

Of course people learn from their mistakes what a silly thing to say.
What does this teach him other than he doesn't need to think for himself or take any responsibility for his life because mummy will always be running around after him and fixing it all for him.
I truly believe that this kind of behaviour on a long term basis can have a real negative impact.

Xmasbaby11 · 14/07/2017 09:25

No I wouldn't take them in. It'll be late morning by then and just not worth it. I'd expect other kids to forget too. There's loads going on this time of year.

EllaHen · 14/07/2017 09:26

I am genuinely shocked and quite disappointed at how many posters would take clothes in to him. And we wonder why children are growing up with no resilience...

It's a no from me.

gemsandstones · 14/07/2017 09:27

People don't learn from mistakes.
This is so wrong. Most of the developments we have in the world today are built on lessons learnt from past mistakes.

They do, however, learn from the kindnesses they are shown
A very optimistic way of looking at things but sadly rarely true.

Justhadmyhaircut · 14/07/2017 09:27

No way. . . He won't be bullied forever because he is in uniform. . And his memory may improve as as result. .

Borntorunfast · 14/07/2017 09:27

He will have learnt his lesson but he will also remember your kindness, that he had a parent willing to go the extra mile for him. That memory will remain far longer. If you have time, do it. If he choosers then to remain in uniform (cos it's embarrassing o get changed) then so what. For all the posters saying no way - have you really forgotten what it feels like to be little, to feel awkward, to feel like a fish out of water?

If your son is sensitive - and I was, and my kids are - then these things matter. Some kids are bullet proof and can shrug things off easily. Others aren't and there's no shame in that, but a little empathy would go a long way.

daisypond · 14/07/2017 09:27

No, don't go back with clothes. It will be worse if mummy comes back with clothes - other kids will know he's bothered, that he's phoned his mummy, that his mummy has sorted out some clothes for him and then driven back to school. You get the picture.

Figaro2017 · 14/07/2017 09:28

He's 13/14. Old enough to work out what clothes he needs for the day.

steppemum · 14/07/2017 09:28

People don't learn from mistakes. They do, however, learn from the kindnesses they are shown.

I do actually agree with this, but turning up mid morning with his clothes is going to cause MORE problems for him, at 13, havign your Mum turn up and bail you out like this just makes you look like a baby.

To me this is not about 'learn the lesson' or 'kindness' it is practical. 1 hour drive = too far
turning up with clothes = not cool
remembering your own stuff = important as a teen.

EllaHen · 14/07/2017 09:29

Mummy running after him isn't a 'kindness', it's instilling an entitlement mindset.

PurplePeppers · 14/07/2017 09:29

I wouldn't. He is in Y8 not 8yo.
Is it crap, yep I'm sure. But then it was also HIS responsibility to think about it. Not yours.

Re learning about kindness... yes as long as 'kindness' doesn't also foster dependency.
Kindness in that case is teaching him to take responsibility, to think for himself and to not rely on mummy (and daddy) all the time.

AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx · 14/07/2017 09:29

Teacher here. There's always a few that forget! The piss taking will have died down already. If you bring clothes in and he's suddenly changed at morning break he'll never hear the end of being Mummy's ickle precious etc...don't fan the flames!

This is the kind of thing that helps sensitive kids grow a bit of a thicker skin tbh.

OverTheHammer · 14/07/2017 09:29

I turned up on non uniform day in my uniform one time. It was the first year of secondary school - I said I'd forgotten but really it was because I had no other decent clothes to wear gets violin out. I had assumed there would be others that had the same predicament and I wouldn't be the only one but no ... I was the only one. Even the teacher took the piss out of me. Never forgot the shame and embarrassment it caused me.

Borntorunfast · 14/07/2017 09:30

gemandstones I remember all the many kindnesses shown to me, and I did learn from them. And it also taught me the value of kindness. And the mistakes I made: when I was a kid, they burned. Not everyone is like that but lots are.

Smartiepants79 · 14/07/2017 09:31

But he's not little. He's 13.
Unless there are extenuating circumstances this is down to him. He should have remembered if it mattered to him.
He will remember next time.

chocolateworshipper · 14/07/2017 09:31

I'm sure you will have made a final decision by now, but I was thinking he might get more ribbing for being bailed out by Mum if you did take clothes to him

Ekphrasis · 14/07/2017 09:31

"Of course people learn from mistakes. What on earth are you talking about bertandrussell. "

He'd remember the kindness shown, and learn to be kind in return.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/07/2017 09:32

I'm with Bertrand on this one.

Floggingmolly · 14/07/2017 09:32

He's 13/14. Old enough to work out what clothes he needs for the day
I'm considerably older than that. Old enough not to forget my keys when I leave the house. But I have done, and I wouldn't appreciate DH refusing to help because I'm old enough to know better.
We all need a bit of a dig out now and again.

Palegreenstars · 14/07/2017 09:32

I always used to forget this type of thing (own clothes day, notes for school trips etc). Definitely the walk into school was the most embarrassing part but I got over it quickly and had no lasting impact.

My parents never fixed these problems and I'd say I learnt my lesson eventually and am very organised now (mostly)

The only really mortifying one was forgetting permission slip for a sex Ed class and everyone thinking my parents wouldn't let me attend

SaucyJack · 14/07/2017 09:32

I wouldn't take stuff in unless there were real bullying or anxiety concerns.

They'll just to front it out otherwise. It'll be character building anyway :-)