Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has forgotten its own clothes day at school and is there in his uniform. Am I unreasonable not to take some clothes in for him to change into

215 replies

hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 09:03

I should point out we live rurally some 17 miles from school and it is a 1 hour round trip.

I have already driven him and his sister in this morning - he didn't realise until we got to the school gates and he saw his mates. I reminded him about it yesterday but he'd forgotten by this morning, and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

He is in Y8. There are a couple of other boys that I spotted that had forgotten. They looked as forlorn as him. He is bound to be the subject of 'banter' from his peers, and I know that he will hate this (he can be oversensitive)

I don't feel that I should not have to waste another hour of my morning driving in and also that he should own his mistakes...but I also feel guilty for not driving in Sad

OP posts:
Wonderflonium · 14/07/2017 09:34

I did the same in Y8, I'd have been mortified if my mum showed up with clothes. Don't do it. He'll be ok.

Wormulonian · 14/07/2017 09:34

He'll be fine - could he wear PE clothes - t shirt and sweat bottoms if his back is in the cloakroom?

AntiopeofThemyscira · 14/07/2017 09:35

Grin "disappointed".

I had parents who never ever went out of their way to help me out as I was growing up and all it did was make me resentful and bewildered because I could see all my friends being helped out. I was expected to make my way and negotiate life alone from about 12 onwards. Needless to say that wasn't really possible and I blundered through life and still do to a certain extent. I've never achieved what I could have done because there was just no support. Worse case scenario you might say but so many of these responses remind me of the self congratulatory way my parents used to talk about how they were reaching me life lessons and I "had to learn!" I don't think it's a massively big deal to occasionally go out of your way for your child and not use every mistake as a Life Lesson the way MNetters seem to. Thankfully there's plenty on here that see that though, even if we are a "disappointment " to some other random internet user.

YouTheCat · 14/07/2017 09:35

To those saying they'd do this hour long round trip for the sake of a non-uniform day - at what age would you stop running after them and wiping their noses? Seriously.

I do favours for my 22 year old, as she does for me, but there is no way I'd have pandered over something so unimportant. And funnily enough, she doesn't think I'm unkind or unhelpful and she can manage her day to day things, despite being an Aspie.

indigox · 14/07/2017 09:35

Didn't he notice his sister wearing her own clothes?

icecoldbeer · 14/07/2017 09:37

This happened to me. Think I was 14/15. It was incredibly embarrassing. I still remember it now, some 20 years later. My mum didn't bring me my clothes. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask her. And to be honest I think it would have been more embarrassing to be seen to have my mum running around for me. The worst bit was everyone seeing I'd forgotten. Having the clothes after that wouldn't have changed things really.

I didn't forget again.

welshgirlwannabe · 14/07/2017 09:37

No way would I!! My son has form for doing this and I live a pleasant 20 minute walk from school. He has forgotten non uniform day but I didn't bring his clothes into him. Never even crossed my mind!

There has to be a point where you say this is your bag to carry. Gcse coursework, yes I probably would bring it if forgotten. Signed permission slip for a trip - again yes. But a change of clothes??? No way.

Also I disagree that we don't learn from mistakes. We certainly learn from the consequences of our actions. So - he either learns that forgetting non-uniform day results in some mild embarrassment, or that mum will carry that load for him and rectify the situation without him having to put thought into it.

Don't do it!

gemsandstones · 14/07/2017 09:37

EllaHen - (love the name by the way). Couldn't agree more. This is nothing to do with kindness. Just creating a sense of entitlement.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/07/2017 09:37

I would want to, but I wouldn't. Primary school, yes. Much as it is harsh, he needs to learn the consequences of his actions. He is going into year 9 and I also agree with the mummy's boy piss taking comments.

HemiDemiSemiquaver · 14/07/2017 09:38

I would help him out if I thought it would actually help - no reason not to be kind to him if it's possible for you to be, and if he's the sort of child that it would be a big deal for.

But I agree with the others that in this particular situation, it wouldn't actually be a help to him because the embarrassing bit has already happened - walking in, being noticed. That's over now and changing will just draw more attention. If he could have gone home and come in late, that might have been different, and for a particularly sensitive child, one who struggled to fit in, one who was fairly new, etc, then I'd have considered it.

Different if it was somewhere they were going this afternoon that they didn't need uniform for. Or if there was a photo. Or if uniform was uncomfortably hot and prevented him taking part in something. etc
But at this stage, it won't matter, so no point drawing more attention to it.

formerbabe · 14/07/2017 09:39

I'd say don't take the clothes in but to be honest if it was my ds, I probably would! But I'm a complete sap who'd be feeling guilty all day if I didn't!

TipTopTipTopClop · 14/07/2017 09:39

On principle, I'd take them in only if he's generally a responsible kid.

But it's probably too late and whatever shite he's going to get has been likely dealt, so I'm not sure what this accomplishes.

I can't imagine he's the only kid in uniform today, is it really such a big deal? My kids have done this before and they haven't been too bothered by it.

Sallystyle · 14/07/2017 09:40

I wouldn't do it. A 10 minute trip I might, but an hour round trip? No way.

It's not a big deal, there are always children who forget. It would be more embarrassing for him to change later into his own clothes his mum just brought him I would imagine.

PunjanaTea · 14/07/2017 09:40

Learning from kindness and mistakes is not mutually exclusive, they are not opposites.

If you put too much salt in a recipe, you learn to put less in next time, you don't have to wait until someone is kind enough to tell you not to do so.

ArchieStar · 14/07/2017 09:41

I wouldn't.

However why didn't he realise his sister was in own clothes?
And why didn't you realise you had one in uniform and one not? Or are you like me and need caffeine to make you conscious Grin

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 09:41

Hi OP we are the same!

With us it is dressing up day on a theme but only found out yesterday and he's gone in uniform.I did ask him though and he wanted to wear it.

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 09:41

An hour, I wouldn;t bother.

PunjanaTea · 14/07/2017 09:41

And of course mistakes sting, that's one of the things that makes you remember not to do it again.

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 09:42

In Yr 8 might be embarrassing mum bringing it in, too.

SleepFreeZone · 14/07/2017 09:42

I grew up with both parents working full time so this sort of scenario wouldn't have been possible. If I was disorganised and forgot something I had to suck it up.

If the school was 10 minutes away I would do it. An hour round trip - nope. He'll live.

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 09:42

Also, at yr 8, he is 12/13 and should be able to think of it himself! It's not your fault!

BoredOnMatLeave · 14/07/2017 09:42

I wouldn't because he's more likely to be the subject of 'banter' if Mummy brings him a change of clothes. As PP said the hardest bit is going in which is done now.

allegretto · 14/07/2017 09:42

Did he ask you to? If not I definitely wouldn't (probably wouldn't anyway) as it's just more embarrassment!

StormTreader · 14/07/2017 09:44

Take off the tie, untuck the shirt, style it out - its not the end of the world.

Ameliablue · 14/07/2017 09:44

Damage is done now, so I wouldn't take them that distance.