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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ds has forgotten its own clothes day at school and is there in his uniform. Am I unreasonable not to take some clothes in for him to change into

215 replies

hmcAsWas · 14/07/2017 09:03

I should point out we live rurally some 17 miles from school and it is a 1 hour round trip.

I have already driven him and his sister in this morning - he didn't realise until we got to the school gates and he saw his mates. I reminded him about it yesterday but he'd forgotten by this morning, and it wasn't on my radar as I had already told him.

He is in Y8. There are a couple of other boys that I spotted that had forgotten. They looked as forlorn as him. He is bound to be the subject of 'banter' from his peers, and I know that he will hate this (he can be oversensitive)

I don't feel that I should not have to waste another hour of my morning driving in and also that he should own his mistakes...but I also feel guilty for not driving in Sad

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 14/07/2017 10:05

Not on your nellie.

PearlyPinkNails · 14/07/2017 10:07

He's going to get more banter if his mum turns up and he gets changed than if you just leave it.

Let him style it out.

Sallystyle · 14/07/2017 10:08

I had parents that were like so many on MN, they wouldn't have dreamt of doing this. They were all about learning from your mistakes and not bring kind.

Not everyone who wouldn't take the clothes up in unkind.

I am a very kind parent and have helped my children out of shitty situations countless of times. I would drawer the line here though because it is miles away and he has already been seen in uniform so any 'damage' has already been done.

People who wouldn't take the clothes in aren't necessarily unkind parents. River your parents were obviously unkind a lot of the time and had no empathy when you did make mistakes. There is a middle ground.

Otherpeoplesteens · 14/07/2017 10:09

13 year old boy bailed out by Mummy = social death which will hang around his neck a lot longer than being in uniform.

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/07/2017 10:09

I did this for my ds last year. But it's a 30 min return drive and he was in reception. He goes to a cm so I actually managed to catch them before school started.

In these circumstances, and with an older child capable of thinking for himself, no I wouldn't.

juliasalinger · 14/07/2017 10:09

Not a chance I'd be doing an extra 34mile round trip for that, unless like someone else said there were major bullying issues etc. And it is done now, he's there. Bet he won't forget next time. Teach him to set up alerts on his phone for the morning of such events.

BattleaxeGalactica · 14/07/2017 10:10

Seven weeks away from Year 9?

Not a chance even if it wasn't an hour's inconvenient trip away. Look on the bright side. He won't forget again.

Odoreida · 14/07/2017 10:12

No. I've done this with a christmas jumper for my reception age child, 10 minutes walk away, but only because I happened to be at home. I've often not been able to bring in forgotten things as I've been at work. No way would I do a massive trip.

Now in year 1 my son is good at remembering stuff. I try and make things like PE kit, trips etc his responsibility as much as mine and write things on the calendar so he can check. Works well for all of us, I/DH are actually quite forgetful and our son seems to be more on top of things ...

isupposeitsverynice · 14/07/2017 10:13

I don't think it's even a matter of being kind or unkind it's just hugely impractical to drive 90mins for the sake of own clothes, not to mention the fuel wastage, which is expensive and environmentally unfriendly. And he's 13, he isn't little. At that age most of my peers and I travelled for up to and over an hour on public transport to get to school - there would have been no chance of my mum bringing in something I'd forgotten, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to ask tbh, she had other stuff to be getting on with. I don't think the lost key analogy is useful either tbh, if I forgot my house key of course I would expect DH to let me in. If I drove for an hour to an appointment and forgot some paperwork, I absolutely wouldn't expect him to fetch it to me.

bridgetreilly · 14/07/2017 10:15

No way. Not for a yr 8 boy. If he were in yr 2, maybe. It won't hurt him.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 14/07/2017 10:15

No, I wouldn't, and when would he change anyway? It's not like teachers are going to excuse him from a lesson.

Once they're at secondary unless they have SEN then they should be capable of checking their planner etc and sorting themselves out.

DragonBone · 14/07/2017 10:16

My son has forgotten it's own clothes day a few times ! I only live a few mins from the school but I've not taken clothes in for him....he's not bothered and he's usually not the only one that's forgot too ! He's more interested in enjoying school and football in break time than worrying about what he's wearing x

NoLoveofMine · 14/07/2017 10:18

I never forgot these days Grin but invariably some do. I don't recall ever having seen any parents bringing clothes in for anyone who'd forgotten and as has been said people stop noticing after the initial comments get boring. If I'd forgotten there's no way my parents would have brought clothes in even if they'd been able - but they'd have been at work anyway, as I suspect most parents of pupils who've forgotten these days at my school are.

There's nothing unkind about it, it's hardly the biggest thing, or at least isn't at my school. Some jovial comments and people get over it. No-one will remember by next week.

paxillin · 14/07/2017 10:18

I think mum coming, aprons flying in for him to change not long before lunch might be more embarrassing than toughing it out in uniform. Many 13 year olds would see that as very babyish. As pps have said, the damage is done, his friends saw him. I doubt he'll forget again. It might work for a 5 year old, they truly want their Batman t shirt.

DrHorribletookmycherry · 14/07/2017 10:20

No. Too old to have someone running around as his PA unless he's paying for it. As to those saying you have to help them in tough situations. This is not one. This is a matter of wearing clothes when the ones he has are not unsuitable for what he is doing.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 14/07/2017 10:20

I wouldn't bother either, but then I'd take the view that a lad coming to the end of Y8 is old enough to own his mistake (which isn't that serious really). Bet he'll make sure to remember next time.

BreconBeBuggered · 14/07/2017 10:20

I wouldn't go, and the school is literally around the corner. In fact, we've both forgotten about non-uniform day before and he had time to come back and change if he was bothered. He evidently wasn't. No hassle at all for me to run in with anything important he's forgotten, and I have, but for the sake of wearing his own clothes? Naaaah.

PurplePeppers · 14/07/2017 10:21

Well depending on the issue, I wouldn't do it for a 22yo or for DH either TBH.
But then DH wouldn't ask me to run around doing a 2 hours trip for something like this either.
As a teacher said in this thread, this will have been forgotten by now already anyway.

Support is about supporting a child to become independent. Not leaving it all to them wo any supportbat all. And nor is it jumping up and down as soon as they have a slight problem.

ToothTrauma · 14/07/2017 10:22

No way. He's old enough to remember and you reminded him the day before! Worse things happen at sea.

HolidayTimeAgain · 14/07/2017 10:22

No way would I take the clothes in!! Next time he will remember.

BattyBagshot · 14/07/2017 10:28

The only way my 13 year old has learnt any independence or organisational skills is for me NOT to do things like this. It is the only way they learn. There are plenty of ways to show kindness to yours kids without making pointless 30 mile round trips. If it matters, I help them out - but non uniform day?! No way. I'd only being the wrong things anyway...

ClarkeyCat · 14/07/2017 10:35

Yeah, he has to style this one out. Also perhaps a good time to introduce the habit of checking his planner every morning to avoid future embarassments.

anchor9 · 14/07/2017 10:40

it would depend. if he's got form/a tendency to be forgetfully/lazy/a bit useless probably not. if he try's hard and this was a simple mistake then i probably would. i do agree it would likely reopen the wound to change half way through the day though.

ah, used to love an own clothes day at school.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 14/07/2017 10:41

He's 13! He'll be fine, and it'll hopefully teach him a lesson about being more organised in future. You don't want him to grow up like some MNetters' other halves, completely incapable of taking the initiative or planning when it comes to domestic stuff.

Babyblues14 · 14/07/2017 10:43

Had exactly the same situation this morning. DS accidentally took his PE kit out of his bag. Which he never does. And it turns out it's sports day today. 40 mile round trip. Dh didnt hesitste to go back with it and I would of done the same