To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

My making a FB announcement you'll be making a big deal out of it. You don't have to tell people, if they ask yes but there's no need to announce it as if it's a big deal.

It's not making a big deal at all of it.

Facebook is the place people post cat videos and pics of their lunch.

I think Facebook and an email to colleagues and HR confirming your name staying as is is a very smart thing to do.

Although if you wanted to make a big deal out of it why would that be a problem?

You are making it into a big deal.
Yes people will call you mr and mrs xxx immediately after the wedding but a Facebook message won't change that. And it soon goes back to normal.
It's not a big deal, it doesn't need a Facebook announcement.

Yes people will call you mr and mrs xxx immediately after the wedding but a Facebook message won't change that.

unless someone is deliberately trying to annoy someone, if your friend said I'm definitely not changing mybbane you'd never call them by their partner's name.

Orr do what we did on the invite. Along with the bumf about venues and times, taxi numbers. We put, please note that after the ceremony, both of us are keeping our surnames and will continue to be known as Paul Mycock and Ophelia Buttocks.

Then the fact you don't alter your Facebook profile in any way should alert the wider world that you haven't changed your name.

It's very annoying that people still assume you'll be changing your name, but if you're going to put it on Facebook you need to do it in a very understated way so you don't make it into an even bigger thing than people already think it is. I wouldn't know how to phrase it.

My mil asked us what the point of getting married was if I wasn't changing my name, on our wedding day, just minutes after the ceremony. My family watched agog as she tried to argue with me that I had to. Every argument she came up with I turned it round and gave it back as a reason why dh should change his name to mine, it was quite fun actually but not quite what I wanted to be doing on my wedding day!

Ophelia buttocks and Paul Mycock should not be allowed to marry. For the potential children's sake.

@Bunlicker
Sorry I meant like in some of the wedding cards and on the honeymoon and stuff.
We got a gift from DH work that was for mr and mrs even though I never changed my name.
People that know us, friends and family never did.

"Hey friends, I've had a few questions about what I will be called after the wedding. For the record Fiancé and I will both be keeping our birth names. Thanks 😊"

So why are you getting married?

What about future children?

All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

I'm 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.

We got a couple of cards from distant rellies to mr and mrs but very few. The honeymoon was booked in our names so there was no confusion there. I'd made it known I was keeping my name but I didn't make any particular announcement.

When I got married a couple of years ago, I had the opposite reaction. My immediate friends & family were surprised at my decision to take my husband's name. Ended up feeling a bit Stepford wife-ish.

Another friend who got married a couple of months ago, has also taken her husband's name and described a similar reaction. She said she's getting fed up of feeling like she needs to justify why she is taking her husband's name.

So I really don't think it's a big deal and probably not something worth making a FB announcement over. (Although, I don't think many things are). YANBU to feel irked by it though!

I am also not known as 'Mrs' and shunned the whole 'Mr and Mrs' thing at the wedding.

Yes, I think it's the issue around how to phrase it if I were to post on FB without coming across as unhinged.

My sister didn't change her name. She didn't get wound up about wedding cards addressed to Mr and Mrs though. It's just what happens. Though I don't think anyone asked her "what's the point of getting married then"- that's just rude.

when I post things to her I address them to Mrs Marriedname to wind her up

Or more jokey

"Hey friends, I've had a few questions about what I will be called after the wedding. For the record Fiancé and I will both be keeping our birth names. Thanks 😊"

"Hey friends, I've had a few questions about what I will be called after the wedding. For the record Fiancé and I will both be keeping our birth names as he has flatly refused for us to be called Gingerbreadfiance à la Kimye or Bennifer Thanks 😊"

I can't believe people really believe it's just about a name change, do they know nothing about the legal protection of marriage?!

announce of facebook

I love it.

@FuckyDucky he's more than welcome to change his name to mine if he wants. As for future children, there won't be any as we have 2 already. Who have his surname incidentally.

Sorry! I got your name wrong! @FuckyDuck

I think it's perfectly reasonable to post on Facebook. People do not know what they aren't told. It's not making a "song and dance" to impart information that people need to know. One of bunlicker's suggestions would be fine.

So why are you getting married?What about future children? All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?I'm 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.

"Not some old harpy"

Many cultures exist where women don't take their husband's name. Why do they get married? What about their children?

The op might hyphenate or choose a surname for their children. What's the issue. Marriage has many uses NONE of which are sharing a surname which you could change even as a single woman. (Shock horror)

All this "silly feminism" has given women the right to an opninon. Even spoiled stupid young women who could do with a history lesson to know how good they have it thanks to silly old harpy feminists.

FuckyDuck do you really think marriage is just about changing a name so pointless if you don't?

I don't want children, never took his name so I guess I should not have bothered getting married. Marriage is about a partnership cemented by a contract. This gives you specific legal rights well over and above living together. Whilst you can get a lot (but not all) of those rights with other legal documents it is much easier to do it through marriage.

the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

You might want to do some research on a the traditional institution of marriage and the fact that many people don't bother with vows of any sort.

Bunlicker 👏