To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

"It would be interesting to see if there's a correlation between age at marriage and name changing patterns."
Yes I'd be interested in that.

You talk about our own experiences well in my experience 70yo tend to be stuck in the past. I used to work in a care home.

Do you think that 70 year olds who are in residential care may not be demographically or attitudinally representative?

53rd if you read my other posts I said that was rude but the OP is questioning whether she should put it on fb as she's annoyed by assumptions.
Hersymphonysndsong you are right it would be rude to tell someone to suck it up and contradictory.
Jassyraddlett yes possibly.
But honestly come on would you really be offended if someone called you Mrs. I find it crazy that someone would get upset by this. Someone in the post mentioned asking. Do
We have to question everything, we'd never talk to anyone anymore if this was the case.

With lallypop on this.

*I'm 70 Lallypop. I didn't change my name when I got married many years ago. Do the math. We 70-year-olds likely got married in the heyday of second wave feminism. Some of us may be more likely to be sympathetic to name-keeping than some younger folks.

In fact, most of the women I know who didn't change their names are in my age group. A bunch of second-wave pussy hat wearing feminist grannies trying to keep the faith, still fighting the patriarchy.•

Where i come from you'd be hugely unusual. Swinging 60's and feminism didn't really make that huge an impact. All the young womrn i know who recently married (20 somethings) - apart from one - all happily took their husbands name. I was surprised but it's a fairly traditional area.

Do you think everyone lives like you and your contemporaries?

None of the girls I know would change their surnames if any of us ever get married. The third of women who marry in the UK keeping their surnames certainly isn't "highly unusual". What is highly ridiculous is criticising them for doing so or objecting when someone addresses them by a name which isn't even theirs.

It's still not the norm though or considered to be - especially in certain areas, and age groups.

It's increasingly commonplace. Regardless, what does it matter if it's "the norm" or not? Plenty of women keep their surnames and it's rude to say the least to question them or address them by a name and title which isn't theirs.

Where i come from "plenty of women" don't keep their surnames at all and i imagine the defsult is to presume you are using the husbands name. I can accept how it is with your gang - why can't you accept it's not like that everywhere?

Gosh, I'm starting to think 70 year olds might not all be sharing a hive mind.

^Do you think everyone lives like you and your contemporaries?

Strange that you would see fit to address that remark to Seneca rather than lallypop. What with Seneca having prefaced her remarks with 'some of' while lallypop felt the need to tell us that 70 year olds were stuck in the past.

Also, if 30% of women are doing something, it's normal. Normal doesn't necessarily mean majority. If your experiences are sufficiently unrepresentative that you weren't aware of this, fine, but you are now and you can tailor your views accordingly.

My nan would introduce me to her friend as "my granddaughter, Titty". Can't think of any reason why the friend would ever need to address me formally.

You've given a second example lally where you would accidentally call one of your friends Mrs. I cannot imagine anyone I would call a friend, or even an acquaintance calling me anything other than Titty. Even the staff and teachers at DD's school call me by my first name.

Quote fail there, but hopefully everyone gets what I intended to post.

Why on Earth are you arguing something which is little to do with the point? It's ridiculous to address a woman by a name which isn't hers. It's wrong to assume a woman will change her surname if she's marrying. It's rude to dismiss a woman objecting to being called by a name which isn't hers. It's daft to assume the "default" is the husband's name seeing as that's not the woman's name. None of this is impacted by "how it is" anywhere.

It's not really "wrong" to assume someone will change their name id that's what everyone around you happily does.

If you are then rude about somone who keeps their name and you insist on calling them by their husbsnds name- then that's entirely different. Some folk just like to be offended if not everyone lives or believes as they do.

Yes, expecting to be called by your actual name and title is "liking to be offended". This is incredibly tiresome; I'm not sure why some are so insistent on defending those who make these outdated, sexist assumptions.

It's not really "wrong" to assume someone will change their name id that's what everyone around you happily does.

Yes. Yes it really, really is.

And how can you keep a straight face and write that minutes after you asked Seneca if she thinks everyone is like her and her contemporaries? Or is it only ok when you do it?

You don't sound very tolerant at all but seem to think everyone shoild live or see things as you do.

If i went to another country or culture, I wouldn't throw a strop if they did things differently - even if it wasn't my way.

And yet you're throwing a strop because the culture of the country you live in does things differently from your circle bambambini. You're right though, I'm extremely intolerant of hypocrisy.

And you know what, i have friends who are in long term relationships with kids - and i assumed usually that they were married and was surprised to find out eventually they weren't. Weirdly we talked and had a laugh about snd now i'm not so quick to assume because i've now gotten used to it. Fucking radical eh?

I'm not the one throwing a strop and getting offended when folk aren't as up to date with practices they just arent used to as you demand them to be.

I'm baffled as to what bambambini is even debating now. As far as I can glean expecting women to be addressed by their actual names and that people won't assume they'd change their name if they marry is not "tolerant" and thinking "everyone should live or see things as you do". But them thinking it's fine to assume a woman would change her surname because nearly everyone they know did is entirely fine (and presumably it'd be "tolerant" if everyone else did likewise)

Nah, you've just seen your arse when people have called you out on being a hypocrite.

Anyway, the fundamentals are this. Women keeping their own name on marriage in the UK is now normal. 30% is normal. If you weren't aware of this before, you are now. Married women also use a variety of titles. It is thus inappropriate for you to make assumptions, without checking first. And you don't get to decide whether someone should be offended by what you say.

None of this is remotely a matter of opinion. It doesn't matter what you think of any of this. It will still be true however firmly you object. With that in mind, the only thing you get a say on is whether or not you continue to make assumptions that are now outdated and that will offend some people.

Gosh, so intolerant and arrogant. Bet some folk call you by your husband's name as your just so self righteous and looking for offence and a battle to fight. Crack on.

Gosh, so intolerant and arrogant.

MNHQ so desperately needs to introduce an irony emoji.

These threads always end up with a small number of posters going around in circles and banging their heads against a brick wall.

I think we just have to reluctantly accept that some people are never going to get it. Especially some of the AIBU crowd.

*These threads always end up with a small number of posters going around in circles and banging their heads against a brick wall.

I think we just have to reluctantly accept that some people are never going to get it. Especially some of the AIBU crowd*

I know, it's frustrating but what can you do!