To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

It is quite unusual. I know one other woman apart from me who hasn't changed her name on marriage. In real life I mean. One. I find it quite depressing

If you have a DJ at your wedding (we had to because of the venue, would have rather just have had CDs or IPod playing!), make sure they know. We were announced wrongly for our first dance which was one of a huge number of mistakes by that DJ including not having the music for our first dance even though we had told him what it was and posted him the CD.

Among my friends it is more unusual to change your name than keep it. Apart from my mum, who thinks that legally I actually have DHs surname but by some whim am just calling myself by my own name, I have never had a negative comment or even a comment really.

The registrar told everyone at the wedding I would be keeping my name, I didn't know she was going to do that, it may be a thing. I do get letters to Mrs DH but it doesn't bother me, it's just st not my name. I make mistakes with friends who have changed their name so I don't mind if they make mistakes with me.

Do you think posting 'going to be Mrs Husbandname in 20 days!!!!' is 'asking for debate'? All the suggestions for what to post are posts that simply state she's keeping her name - none of them end with 'so let me know what you think!'. Anyone who 'debated' it would make themselves look a complete idiot.

And as I said I hardly think it's a huge deal, but I also can't see why anyone would prefer to unthinkingly address a card to an incorrect name rather than just put their actual name on it.

I've been married nearly 15 years. I didn't change my name.

I still get addressed as mrs dh. Mainly by dh's relatives who seem to do it on purpose.

I'm not even mrs, i have a professional title.

*So why are you getting married?

What about future children?

All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

I'm 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.*

Jesus. It's 2017. Surely no one could genuinely be this wilfully stupid

Ignore the dinosaurs and keep your name if it's what feels right to you. Re- the Facebook question... I think this is a brilliant article. If it chimes with your reasons, you could maybe just post a link to it? www.the-pool.com/life/life-honestly/2017/27/sali-hughes-on-not-changing-her-name

PS - It's really not that unusual. York University did a study in 2013 which suggested a third of women keep their names. I'd say in my immediate circle, that's fairly accurate - around a third.

So why are you getting married?

Because straight people can't have a civil partnership. Marriage is the easiest way to get certain legal protections.

What about future children?

DD has DH's surname and my surname as a second middle name. So her name shows a clear link to both families - something she loves and has already declared won't ever change - she's 6.

All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

Marriage is traditionAlly the signalling of a change of ownership of women. You may be happy being considered not a whole person in your own right but I don't!

I'm 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.

Are you hard of thinking?

I didn't mean to rile. Most people I know who use FB use it to make a point and are asking for comment (those that don't just sensibly don't use it). Plus FB wouldn't be seen by the people I know most likely to stick to tradition anyway.

I guess I really don't see the issue as a big deal, hence wouldn't mind correcting/being correcting after the fact. Apologies to those who think otherwise.

I'm surprised you're getting such extreme reactions.
I think "I won't be changing my surname and neither will he" is a fine announcement to make, on facebook and on the info you send out with the invitations. I have seen it before, it's not controversial.
You'll probably get a few people who'll call you Mrs Husbandsname anyway, either out of passive aggressive disapproval or because they missed the memo, but a light but firm statement should mainly take care of it.

Traditionally men owned women - we don't want to carry on with that s not really sure what the problem is - you can call yourself whatever you want these days pretty much. I think despite this it would be worth noting it somewhere - my choice would have been toput on the bottom of the invite, following the wedding Fred and Ginger will be known as Mr Fred Biscuit and Ms Ginger Kid then they know how to write the card

Have you sent out wedding invitations yet? If you're including extra information for guests you could mention that you're keeping your name. When DH and I got married we had a wedding website to save on paper, and we included a Q&A page with the name change question.

I also suggest that when you send thank you cards after the wedding, you include your names (including title and surname) and address in the cards (i.e. Mr Husband & Ms Wife). Most people will notice and use them. In my case a few older relatives still persist in addressing us as Mr & Mrs DH, but it did the job for most people.

I'll have been married 20 years next month. We are Ms Myname, Mr hisname, and Master Myname-Hisname. None of us have ever used, indicated that we might use, or would like to use any of the other names or honoratives.

However I still get things from family adressed to Mrs Hisname, and we get things to Mr&Mrs Hisname.

I wish we'd made more of an announcement of this when we got married, but I don't think it would have made a difference! And I've had all the comments about 'what does dh think about it' 'aren't you actually married then' 'don't you have to change your name' - and of course people presuming ds would have dhs surname

@ImAFurchester

*So why are you getting married?

What about future children?

All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

I'm 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.*

1. People don't marry to change their names. They marry for love/companionship etc.

1. Kids can have any name you want them to. They don't have to have your surname or your spouse's - can go via deed poll and change their names to Rainbow Farte.

1. Some weddings don't have vows. Not everybody follows a Biblical religion

1. Marriage is not 'traditional'. In olden times marriage was only something done by rich people - common folk didn't get married because they couldn't afford the fees to the church/temple etc. Even in India where marriage was deemed 'necessary' for girls - it was an informal/social arrangement and in some parts not even recognised until you had at least one child who lived past 3-5 years old.

groupie it wasn't me who said that, I was retaliating against it!!!!!!

My bold failed

All this silly feminism, the institution of marriage is a traditional bond. If you're modern enough not to want his name, why do you want to say the vows?

I'm 14 24 BTW, not some old harpy, but I've genuinely NEVER understood this.

Corrected typo. It is school holidays

Oh and I don't think you should say it on FB, you'll just get more stupid comments like you've had face to face and on this thread!

You could put a thing on face book maybe a picture with your names so you are telling people you have kept your name but not make a deal of it

You'll probably get a few people who'll call you Mrs Husbandsname anyway, either out of passive aggressive disapproval or because they missed the memo, but a light but firm statement should mainly take care of it.

Yes to the first, but no to the second, in my experience. People can get very attached to their fixed ideas. So that is one thing I would point out to OP here: whatever you do, there isn't a choice that isn't going to have some people calling you by the wrong name anyway. Either through dopeyness or twattiness.

I have never changed my name on FB, but you'd be surprised how many of my FB friends who know full well what I'm called have addressed things to Mrs Husbandsname, often without actually even knowing him and thus having to look it up. They literally go to extra effort. And that's just the ones who aren't using the wrong name on purpose.

pantin yes, I had this problem a number of times, once I think even with HSBC bank. Like you, I've been using Ms since the late '80s and never experienced the problem til then. It want all the time, but more than a handful for me to recall.

Yes, there seems to be no consensus on children's name. When expecting dd1 I was considering using my surname as a middle name, but dd1 was stillborn at 25 weeks and she had just her first name and dhs surname. When they brought her body to us in a cardboard coffin, they had handwritten her first name and my surname. Dh heart broke as he felt so uninvolved ( I was in hospital a month before she died). It kind of made the dc's having any mix of names irrelevant, so my surviving dcs have the same name as their sister.

I never changed mine but also still get called the wrong name years on. Some people are strange! As I live abroad where name change is not permitted, I couldn't change anyway. Some people actually seem to think that changing your name is a worldwide law.

I think a quick FB status saying you're not changing your name is very sensible.

I knew I wasn't going to change my name on marriage and got quite hacked off with alll the people coming up to me saying "congratulations MrsHisname" on the wedding day. Not to mention the cheques written to Mr & Mrs Hisname which were "fun" to bank.

Eventually, we both changed our names to myname-hisname, but I remain Ms (except at the kids schools, where they seem incapable of getting their heads around a married woman preferring to use Ms). I have never been, and never will be Mrs Hisname.

No kids and no name change here. At the time marriage saved tax and made car insurance cheaper, with a small wedding we came out in profit. Also the legal protections . that's why you get married.

My birth name, coming from my father, is arguably just as much of a patriarchal hand-me-down as my husband's name would be. However, it's about choice, and I would not change my birth name for anybody.

I really doubt the intelligence of anybody who can't grasp why you might not want to change your name.

Apart from anything else, it's not a universal norm to name-change, at all. In many cultures it's not the norm to do it at all, and in some other cultures, both parties take a name from the other.

If you think you can keep it light, then a FB message might not be a bad idea! You don't have to justify or explain, just make it like an 'fyi'.