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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

385 replies

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:26

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

OP posts:

MrsJamin · 09/07/2017 08:28

"We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived."

I don't understand what happened, can you rephrase?

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2017 08:29

Who actually brought the children? If it was your dps mum then she was in charge of them, if she wasn't able to manage three that is something she needs to bring up with her daughters

NataliaOsipova · 09/07/2017 08:29

Not fully understanding this! You're on holiday - what arrangements had you made? Did your MIL turn up at the play area out of the blue, or had you arranged to meet her there? If you'd arranged to meet her, did you know she was looking after her other DGC?

BabsGanoush · 09/07/2017 08:30

If that's not what the arrangement was and they basically dumped the kids on your DP's mum then I think your text was appropriate...did they collect their kids?

Tofutti · 09/07/2017 08:31

YANBU. Did the cheeky cows come back?

Headofthehive55 · 09/07/2017 08:31

Absolutely. In fact I woukd have said to DPs mum that we couldn't be with her as we wanted to explore further - and arrange a time to meet later in the day. It would make her struggle but then she wouldn't accept doing that again!

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 09/07/2017 08:33

Did your dps mum agree to babysit her grandchildren?

RhubardGin · 09/07/2017 08:33

I'm confused. I think you've missed parts out.

Was it planned that you would meet SIL and her kids there but her mum showed up instead with them?

Original poster

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:34

We thought everyone was coming. DP's mum doesn't drive she was dropped off by one of the sisters.

She can't handle all three, not many could I don't.

Going by how quick one of the sisters arrived after receiving my message, I think she had just been sitting in her car in the car park which is apparently something she does while DP's mum looks after her child!

We are did not know she was being dropped off off with all three grandchildren.

OP posts:

Saiman · 09/07/2017 08:37

My mum does this.

Brings my dbros kids who she cany cope with along to stuff me, dh and our kids are doing.

I have told mum its not acceptable and dbro. Fed up of spending days out chasing their kids while dbro and sil have a relaxing day. My kids are older. My days of chasing toddlers are over. I dont mind helping a bit but it ends up with me and dh eatching their kids and mum keeping an eye on ours.

Its as much mums fault as dbros and sil. Dbro sees it as a chance for tge kids to have a day out and they get a day off. From my point of view yanbu.

Original poster

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:37

DP's mum will have most likely agreed to taking all three.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 09/07/2017 08:39

Your dps mum is at fault too here. If she can't handle all 3 then she shouldn't be taking them.

splendide · 09/07/2017 08:40

I don't think I'd have interfered really. It's up to their mum whether she wants to look after all 3.

NataliaOsipova · 09/07/2017 08:42

DP's mum will have most likely agreed to taking all three.

Then it's his mum you need to have a word with! Say you were looking forward to seeing her and for her to spend some time with your kids and that can't happen if she's in sole charge of three other children. Next time you arrange something all together, make a point of checking that everyone will be there. I'd feel the same as you. It's one thing spending a day with others and their children, but basically being out in the position of having to look after those children is another thing entirely.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 09/07/2017 08:43

DP's mum will have most likely agreed to taking all three

If she did then I think ywbu to message.

I wouldn't expect to arrange a babysitter so I could clean/go to the hairdresser then get a PA message from someone else telling me to get my kid.

You should have gone about your day and left dps mum to continue with the arrangements she made.

Original poster

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:44

Wibu for later saying in a message to DP's mum how disappointed I was with the day and how selfish DP's sister's are?

That they take advantage of her support she gives to them (both single mothers) and they just abuse it.

OP posts:

JennyOnAPlate · 09/07/2017 08:44

It's your dps mums fault really. She agreed to have them so she should have been looking after them.

Trills · 09/07/2017 08:45

DP's mum will have most likely agreed to taking all three.

That's your problem then.

Original poster

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:45

We felt we couldn't leave her. That was the problem.

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 09/07/2017 08:45

So both sisters said they were coming and sent their children instead?

rollonthesummer · 09/07/2017 08:46

This was surely for your mother in law to take up with her daughters??

Why were you involved?

Original poster

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:48

Because it impacted on our plans. The restrained nephew couldn't be left alone. DP's mum was out of sight running after the 3yo. He'd have been properly abandoned with no one watching him if we had just walked away.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 09/07/2017 08:50

Fair play to you for saying something instead of just sulking about it.

Gazelda · 09/07/2017 08:51

I get that you we're pissed of with how the day panned out.
But I think YWBU to text the sisters, because it sounds like you MIL had agreed to this arrangement.
Your messages to the sisters and MIL sound quite judgmental, when actually it's just your MIL who you should have a gripe with. And she was just trying to give the DC a nice time with their cousins.
I'd have kept out of it, asking DH to tackle how much his DSisters take advantage if their DM.

MrsJamin · 09/07/2017 08:52

You need to tell your SILs that your MIL cannot cope with all three at once, despite her best intentions.

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