For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

[Boggysib]

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

It doesn't take both you and your partner to be "BUSY" with a 1 year old. Crikey, they're 1, they're hardly Usain Bolt even if they do make a dash for it. Yet you claim both you nad your partner were so BUSY (OPs capitalisation, not mine!) that you had to leave a toddler strapped in a buggy the whole time. That's both lazy and unkind.

It was a couple of hours and they are family. You could have mucked in and helped, because that's what families do, and then said to SIL that it was hard work and you'll not be doing it again while you're on holiday.

If the SIL is sitting in the car she sounds a bit desperate to me. And it's a 'thing she does' . Her kid'sgot behavioural issues and she's just ignoring him.
Perhaps she's not coping and needs some grown up discussion and professional help may be?

There is just a distinct lack of care whenever we get together.

I feel they have their priorities totally wrong. The one that sits in the car has the three yo. It's her only child.

When we go out to restaurants, the sisters disengage and turn a blind eye while the kids run round daft.

They have no strict bedtimes and are still going about as late as midnight.

The 2yo gets plonked in front of TV in his highchair.

I don't think that's right but would never say, it's none of my business. On I go turning my blind eye to the neglect.

Maybe I need to touch chill and not worry about them so much.

OP has two DCs. They did the best they could.

It was a couple of hours because OP texted the SILs, if she hadn't lord knows how long it would have been for - my bet is as long as they could get away with it.

BUSY with a 1 year old. Is that like WORK?

But the op says the 1 year old was clinging to her. So how can that take both her and her DP to be BUSY? It can't be both.

Love the way the op gets blamed for leaving the 2 year old in the buggy. Afaik there were two other adults there. Horrible family dynamic, feel for mil but glad for op that she lives two hours away.

About an hour after upon our arrival at the play area when I realised the sitting in the car sister wasn't coming back, I asked MIL where SIL was. She's cleaning her house she said.

I discussed it with DP. He agreed this was a shit situation. I messaged them - it was my own doing.

About 15 mins later, the sitting in car sister arrives and takes 3yo away kicking and screaming.

Other sister takes about an hour to come back. She arrived and collected kids to take them to their other grans house.

She apologised because her understanding was that the car sister was going to be there!

Really amazed at how quickly some OPs go in to confrontation mode. Best answer would have been a gentle call from your DP saying this is challenging can you join us as soon as practicable plus it would be lovely for us to all spend the day together. Your tone comes across as aggressive, judgemental and authoritarian as well as unloving towards DP's DNS. I'd be livid if my DP did this instead of letting me try to handle it tactfully.

I don't know about additional needs. All I know is that there 2yo is certainly challenging to look after.

So therfore, shouldn't have been left with us.

The car sister is just down right lazy. I have wondered if she needs help. Even pre children, she would sit around in pyjamas all day, saying nothing.

It sounds like your MIL needs an assertiveness course. Of course she probably has to have all three or none because of the rivalry between her daughters.

Yeh I agree I should've let dp handle it. I'm wasn't aware I capitalised BUSY? It was a typo.

We spent most of the time sat on the picnic blanket breastfeeding. So Yeh I was not in a position to look after 2yo.

The 5 & 6yo still needed supervision also!

I got as far as seeing about a 2 year old restrained in a soft play and was pretty disgusted.

my daughter is 2 and autistic and hard to manage but I would never in a million years treat her like that :( poor child

Where was your dp when you were bf? Doesn't take both of you and was the 2 yo nearby so you could interact?

But your DP Wasnt breastfeeding? I'm confused. How could he be BUSY taking turns breastfeeding ?

There were 3 adults and 5 children! It really would not have been.that difficult to get them.all involved in a game or let Mil be responsible for eldest child/children, whilst you had the younger ones!

The issue is between MIL and her daughter's it was not your place to send texts.

Your SIL's were in the wrong dumping their children on their mum, but I cannot believe that you would not help a family member out who was clearly struggling!

I also cannot believe that you left a two year old in the buggy! That is mean and cruel behaviour issues or not!

However, I think that there is more to this than you are saying here, just from.reading the crux of the problem.is that you do not like your SIL's or their children, so could not be arsed to help for a short period of v time and let the cousins play together!

Yes YWBU!

Jeez - why on earth are people hounding the OP about the 2 year old in the pushchair?

OP and her DP have 2 DC, MIL was meant to be looking after 3 of them. MIL seemed fully occupied with the 3 year old, therefore the DP was presumably looking after the 6 yr old and 5 yr old.

The issue here is not what happened when OP and her DP were unexpectedly pushed into a position of being responsible for multiple DCs (although apparently as they are Faaaaamily and the parents are single parents, they should in fact be grateful for this opportunity), the issue is that the MIL seems to be looking after 3 on her own on a regular basis and the 2 year old being left in the pushchair is the norm.

Why are we beating up on the OP for being a good parent to their own DCs?

My brother and SIL do this sort of thing. Will come and visit but leave everyone else to entertain their children, while they relax and chat. Same if we go out for a meal or out anywhere. That is one of the reasons why we simply don't do it anymore. They take advantage at every opportunity. I don't think it's so much not coping as complete laziness.

E.g. they asked if mum and dad have their 2 children (6 and 1) every 2nd weekend. Neither work weekends (SIL does not work at all at the moment, though plans to go back to college at some point), so it's not because they need childcare to allow them to work. It's because they "need a break" and "time to themselves". As mum and dad live with us (separate house in the same grounds), in reality it would mean I would end up having to do quite a lot of the care too. As neither brother or SIL drive and we are 45min-1 hour drive away, it would mean 1.5 round trip to collect and again to drop off.

They had the temerity to be put out when mum said no to a regular commitment of every other weekend so they could have a lie in. Makes me so cross.

I'm teally struggling to see why this was a problem other than you not liking your SIL's. 5 kids and 3 adults. 2 of the kids clearly delighted to play together. I'm from a big family and I've lost count of the numbers of times that my mum has turned up at arrangements with a various collection of cousins of different ages. We just get on with it and the cousins have a ball. Some times it's manic and various children are fighting or needing the toilet or crying but they adore being together and even if it's hard work it's manageable. You were so wrong to text their mum's and they are your kids COUSINS, not ransoms

Dp was looking after the older ones. Not soft play - outside/picnic areas. Mil had her hands full running after 3 year old. Amazing how some people decide to interpret instead of reading op's posts. Of course no one would leave their OWN child in a buggy for two hours because they know them and are prepared. Letting the two year old out in this situation would be a potential disaster.

Oh god we this alot. MIL turning up with nephews which she can't manage and o end up with 4 kids to manage. I have stopped it now and have even told them if they turn up for gatherings like that again I am leaving. I wouldn't mind but dbil never has our kids. Never.
Well done for saying something op!

I assume that OP's dp was supervising the 5 and 6 year olds, MIL chasing after the 3 year old, leaving OP with an unwell bf 1 year old and the 2 year old in the buggy.

If car SIL had come along rather than just sitting in her car they could have had someone to be with the 2 year old 1:1

2yo next to me in buggy. I talked to him. and gave him some of his lunch. We were sitting in the shade.

He shouted out a fair bit when he saw his brother and cousins come by. He really should've been let out but neither dp or I were confident about caring for him!

DP was watching the older ones. He came back to take our 1yo to the swings. I talked and sung a little bit to the 2yo in buggy.

It's not going to happen again. Someone asked further up. Lesson learned.

If I'd have "mucked in" that's all well and good but I would never force my kids onto anyone without it being a clear discussion on what was going to happen and that all were on board.

sorry posted to early- so I think YANBU. You had arranged a get together with your family, MIL and the 2 SIL's and their children- lovely! But then it turned into something entirely different, which put you in a difficult situation and one you had not agreed to. Why on earth was one SIL sitting in her car in the carpark?

Why should people "just suck it up" when others are thoughtless/selfish or lazy? If no one says anything, it just keeps happening. Clearly MIL does need to be more assertive with her daughter's about what she can and can't cope with but she obviously finds it hard. And when she has tried, according to OP, she has been met with a hostile response so backed down.

I felt totally out of my comfort zone looking after one of the nephews. He has behavioural issues. And of think it's down to the fact he's always ignored and gets very little interaction.

Wow- armchair psychologist!
So basically MIL was watching the 3 yo leaving 2 of you looking after the one year old and the 2 yr old
The whiny one year old was probably tired/coming down with something and would have benefitted from a nap in the pushchair.the 2 year old is your DH's flesh and blood!! Did he feel no sense of compassion ,love, duty, protectiveness towards him at all, leaving him strapped up on a beautiful afternoon whilst all the other children ran and played? cruel behaviour
Poor show ,OP!