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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

385 replies

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:26

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

OP posts:
Trills · 09/07/2017 08:52

If your MIL is volunteering to take them because she knows you will pick up the slack, you need to take it up with her.

If your SILs are giving MIL more children than she can handle, she needs to take it up with them.

Maybe your MIL needs help in being assertive.

You speaking directly to your SILs doesn't sound like it'll be helpful - they will say "stop interfering, MIL is fine/ she volunteered".

SunTrapped · 09/07/2017 08:52

Crossed wires I think. Your DPs mum volunteered to have all 3 kids, knowing her son and DIL would be at the play area to help out? I think it was a bit mean to say you and DP only wanted to play with your own kids, not your niece and nephew. Couldn't you involve them all in a game? They are your family at the end of the day. There were 3 adults and 4 kids (one a baby you could carry?)

But I agree the sisters should have come along to supervise their own.

longestlurkerever · 09/07/2017 08:53

I think you are overreacting a bit, tbh. I can see that the day was harder work than you'd anticipated but you had 3 adults to watch 5 children, I don't think it needed to be the nightmare you are making out (leaving the 2yo in the buggy for hours on a hot day sounds downright mean), and I certainly wouldn't send that text you're thinking of to your MIL - that's just gong to start world war 3 - have a word if you must but I think I'd have sucked it up and then said to SIL - right, you had your day off when's ours?

LIZS · 09/07/2017 08:54

Does mil often look after all three? Maybe she was used to it and you took it upon yourselves to assume you needed to intervene. How well do you know the children, surely 3 adults should be able to cope with supervising 5 just for a while? If you had other plans did you tell them upfront?

Imstickingwiththisone · 09/07/2017 08:55

I think you've done DP's mum a favour as it sounds like something she agrees to but can't actually manage.

I think i would have wanted to send the texts but would have wimped out! Don't expect relations to be good now OP

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:55

One sister (hair appointment) apologised as she thought the other sister (sitting in car) was coming with us to the play area.

It's stressful being around them all at the best of times. Kids just run riot, one hits and kicks. The sisters disengage and don't parent their children. Their heads are clearly up their arses!

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 09/07/2017 08:55

I agree it sounds annoying, but it's not as simple as the sisters 'abandoning' their children on you.

There are a whole host of family dynamics going on and the mother/grandmother is an adult in her own right who allowed this situation to happen just as much as the sisters.

It all sounds very difficult but I don't think describing it as you have is accurate or likely to result in any positive outcome within the family - unless you just wanted to rant on here? In which case rant away, rubbish situation!

Lucked · 09/07/2017 08:55

I would have thought 3 adults could look after 5 kids in a play area but this was DP's mums choice. I bet she has all three when you aren't there and she just gets on with it.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 08:58

I'm sorry but you sound a bit fluffy and feeble.

Why isn't your DP dealing with this?

What was your own 6 year old doing ?

You had 3 adults - your DP should have stepped up, you could have given the oldest kids to your mil to deal with and you and DP split the younger ones. Horrid to leave a 2 ur old in a buggy all day and not let him out.

You should have said something at the start or made the best of it for all the kids. You were horrible to a toddler.

Imstickingwiththisone · 09/07/2017 08:58

It sounds like the kids are difficult to manage, so having them in an open space Running off in different directions would be hard work and wasn't what she had planned to do with her day. I would be pissed off.

NorthernLurker · 09/07/2017 08:58

I think it's a bit feeble if three adults can't manage five kids between them, when two are above the age of five and one is a baby. The problem here isn't the number of kids. It's that you don't like these kids or their mothers. Right?

Tofutti · 09/07/2017 09:00

I have told mum its not acceptable and

Saiman, do they listen?! I would just stop meeting mum until she stops bringing db's kids.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 09:01

Why are you the one sending all the texts?

InfiniteCurve · 09/07/2017 09:02

3 adults and 5 children would be gone if that had been agreed in advance,but this is either 1 adult for 3 children, 2 littlues ( Mum with the sisters children)

Headofthehive55 · 09/07/2017 09:02

It's not that the op could not help look after other people's children, she didn't want to, so should not be put in a position of feeling that she has to.
People who think "oh well it's not that difficult" are entitled. Doesn't matter if you are related or whatever. You didn't want. It wasn't on offer.

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 09:02

DP's mum has mentioned in the past she is not coping with looking after all three.

The kids don't know us that well and I felt totally out of my comfort zone looking after one of the nephews. He has behavioural issues. And of think it's down to the fact he's always ignored and gets very little interaction.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/07/2017 09:03

Maybe MIL thought it would be nice for v the children to play together. All this 'db's kids' stuff they are cousins. And while I'm at it why are the women getting it in the neck for not parenting? Where are the men or is that different?

I think yabu

Headofthehive55 · 09/07/2017 09:03

The problem is northern is that op didn't want to.

NataliaOsipova · 09/07/2017 09:04

think it's a bit feeble if three adults can't manage five kids between them, when two are above the age of five and one is a baby.

She isn't saying she couldn't manage, she's saying she didn't want to have to manage. I'd have felt the same. I could easily cope with looking after someone else's kids for the day alongside my own - but I wouldn't do it out of choice and it wouldn't be what I wanted to do on my holiday.

InfiniteCurve · 09/07/2017 09:04

Bother accidental post.
Either Mum looking after 3 or OP and her DH being volunteered as babysitters without their consent when they were probably looking forward to playing with their own children and relaxing.
Which is unreasonable .

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 09:05

I agree the op shouldn't have had to do it but in a situation where the kids were already ther, it's bloody horrible to be a part of a 2 year old being stuck in a buggy and not let out.

It's not the kids fault. And the op shouldn't be a part of a child being treated so badly.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/07/2017 09:06

I suspect that MIL thought it would be nice. It wasn't, you live and learn but that's it. There is no need for aibu, judginess about other women's parenting. It was just a shit day out where the kids played up.

Headofthehive55 · 09/07/2017 09:06

It doesn't matter increasingly whether they are related or not. The offer wasn't there. I wouldn't look after my DB children. I wish I could - but I just don't want to. Grin

Increasinglymiddleaged · 09/07/2017 09:08

It is the way that they are being referred to on the thread that matters. And I think it is relevant actually because it is surely in an ideal world a good thing for cousins to see each other and be friends?

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 09:08

By the way. The fact that they are single mothers does not correlate to them taking advantage of their mother. Or to put it another way. It's fuck all to do with it.

I was a single mother. I never took advantage. The one does not mean the other.