For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

[Boggysib]

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

Sorry, waaaay too long post!!! I'm awake and going slightly barmy keeping watch over feverish DS.

What the hell is this thread? People calling op and her partner weak for not wonderfully handling a 1yr, 2yr and 3yr old? How rude and unfair!

I will never have more than 2 children because myself and dp wouldn't be able to handle more than that (and I'd never have them just a year apart either). Not everyone is cut out for dealing with multiple children (toddlers with behavioural issues no less) that doesn't mean they've failed or make them 'weak', what fucking nonsense.

OP didn't feel she would be able to handle 2 year old out of buggy (it would seem not even the parents of this child can), so she did what she had to do to keep the child safe and along with the other children. No, not ideal- but the fact they were all dumped there wasn't ideal in the first place!

Op, your sils are arseholes (waiting in the car park?!? Seriously?!) and your mil needs to woman up and start declining when asked to look after their children if she can't cope with them. Maybe make a rule that days out with all the kids must involve all parents?

I'd probably put it to dp to deal with all of them though, given it's his family. However, if he's not brave enough, I would want to say something myself in your shoes because I do think the point needs to be made. Don't want awkward situations like this occurring in the future.

(Admiddetly only read first few pages as now in a rush, so not sure what else transpired, but fwiw op I'm with you from what I have read)

Sorry if this has been asked already but why does the mother of 3 yr (who spends time with MIL every day) need to sit in the car for hours and not engage with you all (her 5yo and the other adults and children)???

Very odd behaviour to do that on at least 2 of the days out

Some great replies here. Thanks shit I'll be re reading your post a few times.

I also agree with not having the right to set other people's boundaries as sleep said.

About DP. He has been supportive with my family issues and this new behaviour of mine.

But I do feel he left me to flounder. I even said to him yesterday why didn't he take the reins on the situation, because according to him I wasn't dealing with it in the way he would.

Perhaps because it's his own family he might've found it hard like I did with my own family?

I have apologised to mil and hairdresser sister.

The car sister doesn't engage with anyone. I don't exactly know why.

She'll seems to have the weight of her world on her shoulders. Is tired. Doesn't say much. But at the same time doesn't appear to have much going on with her if you know what I mean?

So did you ask him how he would like to deal with it next time so that everyone is clear?

Shit's post is great. I would just add into advanced plus is when you perfect being assertive while creating no drama, but the boundaries have to come first. One step at a time.

All I can say is bravo to shit
I don't get the negativity towards you either OP, I don't think YWBU at all. Keep working on yourself and don't let this dent your confidence

I'm glad you found my wafflings useful Boggy :)

Keep up the boundary practice, it's a hard road when you're learning but life gets so much better when you gain a bit of confidence in yourself and your abilities to stand up for you and your boundaries / needs / rights. I'm still a learner but a bit more down that path, enough to see how good it would be to get those boundaries up and functioning all the time, but still fucking up the practicals some of the time. Agonising over the not perfect execution is really paralysing though isn't it? I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to that, but at least I recognise that I am

Good luck

YANBU. On anything.