To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

Yes, but...where do you get your money from??

Haha Chestnuts! Surely you can see where this thread is going OP? You've got us all wondering now

I'd want to know to...human nature perhaps...or maybe they want to know what they can do to have your lifestyle.

You don't have to tell them shit. But you can't begrudge them curiosity if you insist on a big secret.

Yeah I also am dying to know where it comes from but it is rude to keep on about it, yanbu

They're being rude to discuss it . But working 3 days a month in relatively low paid work will have people question where it comes from! Rightly or wrongly.

Yanbu . . . But am dying to know where you get your money from too!

Nice liftstyle no partner and only working 3 days a week of course people are going to be curious

Curiosity itself is fine of course it's the rumours that get me the most, insinuating I'm acting illegally/fraudulently I thought these people thought more of me.

Well they don't sound much like friends to me to be spreading such horrible lies and be so hurtful but tbh I think the thought would cross my mind, because it seems like you're purposefully not telling them something which with new people can easily cause people to wonder

Why not just say, I work freelance/my rents low/I don't have many outgoings or whatever it is, why so secretive?

Is there a particular reason you keep your job secret? Just curious.

On the face of it, they should respect your decision to be private about your work, and they should DEFINITELY not be making unfounded accusations. No true friend would do that.

However, it is very unusual not tell friends what you do for a living and it's not surprising they are speculating. I think if you choose to keep your work secret you will come up against this time and time again because people will inevitably ask.

If you don't want to tell them your real job, why not just make one up and they'll probably never ask again?

Of course people would want to know. The vast majority would want to know to see if they could find a way to do what you're doing! Perfectly natural but I can see why it could get annoying. At the same time, if it's all legal and above board, not sure why you wouldn't tell your friends this (and you do call them friends) if not random strangers on the net.

To be fair I would think it's a bit odd to not tell friends where you get your money from, but I'd leave it there as you obviously don't want to talk about it.

They're wrong to make things up and assume.

You state you live a relatively nice life-style, funded solely by working for 3 days a month, and claim no benefits. Many people would be intrigued by this, not least because they would want to get into the same line of business! However, you are secretive about what you do, so people speculate. why not just tell them?

Have you got Theresa May's money tree in your backyard?

You really need to find new friends. It's none of their business, at all.

The name calling behind your back is not on. But I would be curious, and vaguely know the financial situation of my friends. You are in an unusual position. I too, am desperate to know. I would have said rich parents, but you did you'd known poverty which reduces the odds on that one. Lottery win?!!

I don't have a job, I have an income though I don't work (barring bits of freelance work mentioned upthread) I just don't like to talk about money. I was brought up to find it quite rude, so I just try to avoid discussing it.
It's also become kind of a thing of well, why are my finances the conversational choice so often and why presume I'm up to something illegal or bad?

Inheritance? Lottery win?

Tbh I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell your friends. You've made this into a much bigger issue than it needs to be.

Why you wouldn't tell you're friends your occupations is beyond me - you say it's none of their business but if they are friends then why on earth would you not tell them???

I'm highly suspicious of an income that is so good you only work 3 days per month and you don't claim benefits

Op works 3 days a MONTH not every week chips.

My lifestyle isn't funded by my work, as above it's low paid I just want to keep up some kind of skills/contacts for when I do return to the workforce.

You know we all want to know where you get your money from don't you.

Op has quite clearly stated in the first post that the income isn't from her work.