To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

When ever I have been to work stuff with dp. After I have been introduced to someone one of the first questions is, "What do you do"

I think I would have been looked at quite strangely if I had replied "Its a secret" or "I work 3 days per month in a low paid job but the rest of the time I don't like to talk about it"

Getting to know what someone does is just part of the conversation. It should never have got to about how much you earn.

If you replied that you did a bit of freelance IT and had some investments that would have been sufficient. You have made it into a bigger deal than it should have been

Which is why I'd never say "it's a secret" "I only work x and y days"
In that scenario - and any other scenario when I'm asked what I do I just say
"I'm self employed and I work in IT"

Aside from HMRC etc - your finances are your business - and yes very rude for anyone to expect to know! Shocked anyone would start rumours over this - and yes I would ditch these so-called friends if it is clear they did this (assume this is jealousy / suspicion as you have no 'man' around)?

I'd probably wonder then guess its savings and/or money from ex-husband and know it's not my business. Enjoy your life and your child with the freedom you've earned and previously made sacrifices for. Up to you if you want to reveal or not, but don't be harsh on them for being curious, it's hard for who doesn't have that.

Has op revealed the source?

If you make it into a big mystery no wonder people ask!

I suspect your main issue here is your friends know nothing about IT. If you'd said that to me and I saw you had a very comfortable life, I'd assume Google shares or that you had some specialist skill involving algorithms or something. Something marketable where people come to you.

Living mostly off investments is not that unusual. It's what a pension is!
My DSis and I have a modest private income and I work full time in a professional job (don't get nosey questions) and she works part time in a minimum wage job and does. It is to do with where you live and the circles you move in.

The prostitute thing is outrageous!

You have a young child. You are divorcing. You could reasonably say you got a very good divorce settlement. That's not something they can lust after or arrange for themselves, and rather pre-empts further questioning along the lines of "How's work this week?".

Has op revealed the source?

Yes she has, twice, and she's cancelled the cheque too!

www.indeed.co.uk/viewjob?jk=a3e576ccbd94f3eb&q=Vba+Contract&l=London+E1&tk=1bkj6mjen17oo217&from=web

£500 per day (upward) for VBA contracts in London, because the banks pinch all the best 'quants' at £650 a day. 3 days a month should do nicely.

The phrase you want when questioned is "Astute financial management"

My uncle was an it freelancer, the rate per day was 500 in the 90s and it's now pretty much the same despite the huge inflation since then! It's difficult to do just three days a month, they mostly want someone for a decent period.

Haha yes cancel the cheque.

Im a bit at the earning money from savings though

I have friends in IT contracting. The "trick" is that no bank wants someone for 3 days a month (and you need to budget for your own pension, holidays, tax etc).

It makes sense to be cagey about being financially independent, as it might make relationships awkward if people know how different their circumstances are. Knowledge of acquaintances finances needs to be vague enough that you can maintain a social fiction of being financial equals.

(Most people are actually equals in a very loose sense even if an overview of their finances might indicate otherwise. A person living on the investment income from a million pounds might be on roughly the same income as someone with no assets and a (very) average job.)

"I work in IT" or even (if they know you are not full-time) "I work part-time in IT" could explain incomes of anywhere from 10K to over 100K, so should really stop all questions.

brexit why does it make you ?
I got a decent interest lump sum this year which is enough to pay for a big purchase or to be withdrawn and used each month. I'd be screwed if I tried to live on it certainly.
I have a large amount in savings (I haven't decided where to invest it/how to use it as interest rates aren't the best right now)
The status quo suits me fine for the time being.

Uk financial/job information is lost on me I should say as I'm not in the uk and haven't been for a while.

With the original situation I've decided how to proceed and taken advice from both sides of the argument, so thank you wise mumsnetters.
I'll be returning to my previous username very soon.
Oh, and I've "cancelled the cheque" back on page 2

Why is it anyone's business, I'll cut them off. Even if u r my friend why do you need to know what I do if I don't want to tell you.

If you aren't feeding, clothing or housing me then really 😏. There are really smart people who get paid loads for specific skills more than you earn in a specific 9 - 5 professional job. Even if u were on benefits how is that my business?

Haven't people worked out the more people that know about such the more will do the same and the less you will make me. SMH

Living off private income is tricky to get your head around as it's alien to a lot of people. For many years I was reliant on a wage but have now moved into another life where I live off investments and work from home (IT). I'm going a step further now and becoming a venture capitalist. So it's a completely different way of living again.

It would take ages to explain it all so if people ask I just say I work in IT and leave it at that.

If people are quick to assume the worst I would suggest they're not good friendship material in the long run.

The op's finances are her own business, and people speaking about her finances is unpleasant.

However, that said with regard to people are entitled to their views on benefits, and I would agree with the view that benefits should be low and used for basic needs.

In this case people have made assumptions, and whilst they are entitled to views on benefits they are not entitled to make comments on the op's finances

How have you decided to proceed op?
Are they mean or just curious and the rumours got out of hand?

I know someone a bit like you OP. He is vey visibly not working (I see him out and about in town all the time with his toddler).
His manner is different to yours - you never know if he is joking or not. So any questions about what he does are artfully deflected.
He travels into Europe often - by car, often with wife and daughter - for what may or may not be partly business trips. He owns a large rambling house in the centre of town that's sort of "posh shabby", but he himself doesn't give the appearance of being from old money.
I don't lose sleep over it, but I do wonder.
It is a bit odd of you OP to insist on not talking about money for the benefit "of others". Clearly, people are curious.
I would agree that these people are being pretty awful. But to pig-headedly insist on being secretive about this ... can't get behind that, really. You can just say "I'm a landlady" if the subject arises, you know. That's not talking about money, it's simply stating what the lion's share of your income is.

What interest rate are you getting op?

I think your savings must be approaching a million as interest is only 1% or so, so that gives you 100,000 before tax.

That is lots of dosh to most people.
I would come up with a story to explain it eg recent inheritance otherwise envy could raise its head.

It's horrible of them to bitch about you but I agree with other posters that you'll have made them more intrigued by being so mysterious!

I get the point that you shouldn't have to explain, but I don't really see the problem with just telling your friends that your money is from inheritance/maintenance/rental income if the rumours that it's something dodgy bother you.

An investment of £1m @ 1% would be £10k per annum

Gosh I wish saving rates were 10%!

Most money sat in savings accounts was / is being eroded as even official inflation outstrips savings rates.

I think your savings must be approaching a million as interest is only 1% or so, so that gives you 100,000 before tax

I like your way of mathematicising.