To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

They know my occupation, which is very boring

Are you a drug dealer OP? or an international jewel thief?

It's human nature, I wouldn't be able to stop myself speculating.
It's just inherited money isn't it?

You don't need to tell your friends, but ... since you've name-changed and it's all anonymous here ... you should tell us!

(reckon you're the love child of royalty and have a lifetime 'hush-hush' allowance).

They are probably just joking around when they say your a dealer etc making light of the fact you won't tell them your occupation

If you've been all wafty and mysterious about it in RL like you have here, then you'll have massively piqued their interest.

I can't imagine anyone giving two shits otherwise.

I would see no reason to be so secretive with friends. I know what all of my friends do for a living. If you're cagey about it then they will be curious that it's something odd!

What's wrong with just saying it's from a large inheritance / no mortgage / whatever?

It is weird to keep it such a close secret.

You might feel better for getting it off your chest to us, OP

The curiosity is one thing (and fairly natural, I am guessing, especially if your lifestyle is very different from those around you) but the horrible lies they are spreading are quite another! In what world is it ok to suggest that a 'friend' might be a prostitute?? You are right - it is absolutely none of their business (and a mark of appalling bad manners to go on and on about money) but I really would want to stop them saying these horrid things. If it were me, I think I would strongly hint at a large inheritance and then go NC with these ghastly people. Another lie (perhaps) but a better one that being called a hooker! They are not your friends.

A good maintenance agreement with soon to be ex husband or a hefty inheritance?

Diamond smugglar?

Surely it's just natural curiosity and when you don't spill the beans (which of course you are completely entitled not to do.) they just make something up.

However it could be something illegal in which case they may want to review their friendship with you.

Whilst I understand why it's none of their business I also see how frustrating it might be and think its a bit precious to keep it all a smug secret.

People are getting the wrong end of the stick here. She said her 3 day per month job is low paid so that is not funding her lifestyle so probably due to her impending divorce (sale of assets) or something. It is no ones business.

I guess I'd say it's human nature to be curious, maybe to idly speculate, but not to be so rude about it.
You must be driving them wild with curiosity!

Not a drug dealer or the love child of anyone important
I'm quite happy to say on here, it's boring.
Several places,
Combination of house sale,
Generous maintanence paid by H (which goes on our child mostly, as is intended)
Careful savings,
Rent from a property abroad and a few other bits and bobs(like interest from savings, careful investments) , as well as my freelance work.
I promise I'm really not that interesting.
I am honest about my occupation (IT/web dev related) I just don't want to sit down and go through my finances with people I've not known very long, I've only lived here for a few months and I met them when I moved here. I sort of slotted into an already existing group if you know what I mean.

Tell them you had a small but substantial (not big enough for hand outs) lottery win/inheritance that you invested well to give you a regular return. That'll keep them happy.

In my experience friends do talk about money stuff. True you don't ask a new acquaintance but the nature of friendship is confidence isn't it
If freeloaders bother you why don't you say you have a small inheritance that if you look after carefully allows you a small income. So they don't know about the lottery millions in the bank

'i work for the government, if I say anymore I'd have to kill you'

Or find some friends who don't care what you do.

Sorry but in their shoes I'd be super curious. Perhaps I'm unusually nosy because a major part of my job is being alert to possible money laundering - which involves being very alert to people living lifestyles which seem incongruous with their occupations.

You do low paid work, you don't claim benefits, the fact you have lived poverty suggests you haven't inherited money, and you refuse to disclose the source of your income. If this were work I'd have alarm bells ringing all over the shop.

Ooh, snap TeFiti

I see it as the op likes the idea of it being a top secert and most likely brags about only working 3 days or month (maybe not on purpose) but wont tell her friends where she gets the money to do it etc

I just dont see the reason to be so sercetive unless its not all above board

Is this just one of those annoying vague posts that make us all wonder how you got your money?

If you have no income or partner and don't claim benefits you've either got wealthy parents, a large inheritance or a lottery win. Or are you Pippa Middleton?

Don't be daft, it's human nature to be curious! I would find it strange to have a friend with no real income living a lavish lifestyle, wouldn't you?

Doesn't like talking about money
Starts thread about own finances

My lifestyle is comfortable but not extravagant, eg my car is only a few years old but not brand new, I eat out 3-4 times a month, own a home outright etc. so I don't eat out daily and jet off to the canaries every 39 seconds but I do ok for myself.

I think its time to get new friends! These are horrible people to suggest such nasty things.