To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

Second. In general I try to avoid talking about money although I have experienced money grabbing in the past.
I think it's just easier for all (me particularly) when the topic of money is left well alone. I don't see how it matters at all and it only serves to make me (and maybe others I don't know) feel awkward.

i'd want to know as i would want that lifestyle and want to know if it was achieveable for me

It's nobody elses business do YANBU. I suspect they're just jealous but that is no excuse for bitchiness. Find yourself some proper friends.

They're scummy people for spreading insulting rumours, and I'd ditch them, but in the future just say you made some wise investments or inherited. You don't have to go into details, you don't have to say how much you have, but it is weird to refuse to say anything about your financial situation with friends. It's like refusing to say what your job is because people could guess your salary if you did.

How has this become such an important source of conversation to everyone? Genuine question.

A divorced/separated mum working part-time and living off maintenance from ex plus a few other bits and bobs... that seems utterly normal to me and I don't understand why anyone would even be curious about it.

I have a few friends whose lifestyles don't really match up with their regular income. I'd always just assume family money/inheritance/investments etc and not give it any more thought. I'd never dream of demanding that they explain their finances to me!

Why do you think they're so interested in your finances?

Temptation would be to say it's hush money. I don't ever say a word about "it" and "they" pay me to keep quiet.

I get that you are a private person and that your source of income is nobody's business but yours.

However I think you could take this gossiping (stemming from envy or jealousy) less seriously, how about making a joke of it and saying some thing like ' Wow, I'm just fagged out today after such a heavy session of false accounting!' - just to point out how naff and ridiculous the spiteful comments are.

I've no idea Frieda,
I never have it in me to give a shit about other people's money, natural curiosity fair enough but tbh I feel a bit rounded on over something that on the whole is irrelevant to them.

I don't mind being asked, I don't like talking about money

You don't need to talk about specifics. Simply stating that you have income from a property and maintenance isn't the same as giving them a blow-by-blow account of your exact income.

It all seems a bit "look-at-me" precious.

Do you have a trust fund are you an heiress won the 87million last weekend . Seriously though these people are not your friends ditch them

I can't imagine why you wouldn't just say I own property or similar.

If they were interested in fleecing you then surely they wouldn't care how you get your money? Just how much you have.

Why didn't you just say you had an inheritance or a good divorce? That would have ended all speculation and your friendship group would have just carried on.

I think you enjoy your 'friends' not knowing. You are going to end up with no friends if you carry on like this. Odd.

They're jealous. And it's simple curiosity, however to then start rumours is not good. I'd fine a new set of friends if I were you.

They sound awful and I would be very wary of being friendly with people like this, who are quick to start bad-mouthing you because you haven't provided them with a 'satisfactory' explanation of your income. It's none of their fucking business!

I would bloody tell them. It's incredibly rude to ask questions like this - why do they need to know anyway? It's only so that they can gossip about it. And as for the 'friend' who thinks you should tell them all about where you get your money - sod off! Why the hell should you? To appease a group of nosy old baggages with no manners?

If you want to draw a line under it by saying something, then I'd go with "I have income that I inherited which was invested. I'm fortunate that I can live on that and what I earn from working" and leave it at that. I would make it clear though that you are very disappointed in being questioned about this.

However in your shoes I'd cut the lot of them off and find different friends. And if you hear snarky comments about benefit claims then just laugh politely and tell whoever is asking that it's not true and change the subject.

You probably don't give a shit about other people's money because you have it! I can't imagine caring that much about money either if I owned any properties outright.

Some very rude replies on this thread and there's no need, I'm sure op knows how the real world works.

It's no-one's business where your money comes from but if you have to tell them something to shut them up, just tell them what you've told us.

A real friend shouldn't care where your money comes from, I'd be looking for new friends op.

Couldn't you just say you live off your investments? And maybe even add that you get generous maintenance from your ex?

Is that such a big deal? You don't have to say more than that surely?

I don't think you can blame people for being curious. Especially if you all have young children and theirs might be going to your house for play dates etc. When my kids were young I always wanted to know as much as possible about the people whose houses they might be visiting.

I know a few people who seem to have an expensive lifestyle horses and hobbies and trips away that don't seem to match their jobs but it never occured to me to question them on it cos it is none of my beeswax.

My bil says he works 3 or 4 days a month, he appears to be loaded. Total jetsetter. It does puzzle me, ive now made peace with the assumption hes an international drug lord

Just tell them you are independantly wealthy and say no more.
I had a group of friends I saw regularly they even came to my house a few times, I was a SAHM at the time. They had never met or seen any eveidence of my Dh who worked long hours and commuted, so knew non of their Dh's either.
Then one day Dh was on days off and we were in the grocery store, very unusual for Dh then and bumped into one of them, she told be later that they all thought i was single and independantly wealthy and were shocked to find he did exist. We laughed so much about it.
It's really non of their business.

I don't look after their children at all,
Most of them haven't been to my home very much, and never with their kids. I prefer it that way

"Yes, I'm very lucky to have a private income that means I don't have to work very much."

But seriously, is your need for total secrecy on the matter really worth cutting off your whole group of friends?

squinkies hahaha.
Accidental stealth husband.

Being curious is one thing, acting as though you are entitled to know is quite another, and spitefully spreading rumours on the basis that the OP somehow 'deserves' it because she prefers to be discreet is absolutely appalling.

Dojo I agree 100%.
It's the rumours that get me, I don't know why these people are so happy to go for coffee/lunch with me then infer I'm a drug dealer/prostitute/some other kind of criminal behind my back. It all feels very false and two faced.
If you think I'm that awful why bother with me at all?