To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

I'm in a similar position to you OP - no mortgage and some small income streams that cover our unextravagant outgoings. So I pretend to work (from home) more than I do to prevent speculation and nosiness. People can be very unpleasant when they think you don't work "hard enough". A bit of curiosity is fine, bitching about prostitution and drug dealing is not.

Friends don't think you are a criminal though these friends are gossiping about the Ops money and life they are salavating over the gossip the Op is not obliged to offer financial reports over to so called friends.

It is normal to wonder. it is not normal to spread nasty rumours. I would ditch them OP. They are not nice people.

It is none of their business but if you are evasive when asked then people will presume the worst I'm afraid.

I would say that I inherited and invested the money which gives me a small income. That along with the 'little job' gives me enough to live on.

I have learnt that it is better to tell people what they want to hear (i.e. you are not sponging off the state, living on benefits, etc.) rather than telling them the truth or saying nothing. Having said that, I only give them enough info to shut them up rather than telling them my life story.

I imagine the OP doesn't want to be touched up for money, which might happen if she talks about details like her investments and so on. There does always seem to be someone with a so-called sure-fire scheme who would love to part someone from their money.

Tell them your Forever Living bussiness is a real goer they should try it 😁

God , they are awful!

If I was wondering at all about how someone was supporting themselves, I would assume an inheritance or trust fund or potentially living beyond their means. Prostitution, drug dealer or benefits fraudster would not even cross my mind.

Steer well clear of them, you can find yourself a better group of friends.

don't see how it matters at all and it only serves to make me (and maybe others I don't know) feel awkward

It is a perfectly natural question and one which you have turned into a huge deal when the answer is quite boring.

Do you secretly like being the centre of attention.

My issue if you were in my circle is firstly I have known a small number of people over the years who have a lifestyle that didn't match their spending habits. All ended up seeing the inside of a police cell. That for a start would make me wary of you.
Secondly I know through the grapevine or just done something similar so when I ask about something and they start being super vague or out right lying over something quite inconsequential I ask myself what else do they lie about. It gives me the rage.

tapped up for money

I'd tell them you live off freelance work and investments, including properly sales. You're offended by their intrusiveness and bitching, and don't feel they're the kind of people you want to be friends with. Yes, I'd be curious but I'd certainly know that in real terms it's none of my business, and I definitely wouldn't be gossiping about potential prostitution etc. Give them a snippet as above to make them appreciate how wrong them are, but no one (not even them) would be expecting details. I find the curiosity understandable, but the way they are channelling that is out of order. Absolute arseholes - ditch them.

p.s. And I hate the 'benefits scrounging' accusation. They sound like Daily Mail readers. You have far more patience than me to have put up with this for a while already!

Oliversmumsarmy Wow, that's a hostile approach of yours.

p.p.s. I also had a friend who lived a lavish lifestyle while working very few hours a week. I was just impressed and bloody happy for her. Jealousy is a nasty thing.

"Do you mean to be so rude?" seems appropriate here.

Or go over the top: 'Oh, yes, I have untold riches from the diamond mine I own' or something.

Your 'friends' sounds like hard work.
On those grounds alone, I'd get rid tbh.
Life's too short

I think you have caused part of the trouble by being so vague and prickly about your income. Particularly if you made a big deal about not 'sponging off the state'. Due to the economic clusterfuck of the last ten years, lots of people are struggling, and anxious about money, and quite likely to discuss their worries with friends. Someone who talks about 'having a nice ifestyle' and 'only working three days a week' is going to attract some curiosity at the very least - if you had just said 'I inherited a bit of money and a property and I'm careful' people would probably have moved on.

I also wonder if what's annoying them is you talking and behaving as though managing on only three days' work a month is because you are so clever, frugal and special when the truth is that you have been lucky to inherit some money and property, which has made your life easier.

Oliversmumsarmy - seriously?! I know swathes of people who have achieved exactly this and have not ever seen the inside of a police cell. Bloody hell. What a ridiculous post.

It's the Barbara Streisand effect.

Your friends sound bored tbh making it up as they go along

I'm totally with you OP, I don't like talking about money either, sometimes it's complicated and it's no one's business. Those that persist are doing it from a point of envy and any answer would just add fuel to the fire.

other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset

Dont let it upset you. Just laugh that people are so pissed off by your lifestyle that they have to make ridiculous claims to make themselves feel better about themselves and each other. They are also trying to offend you in order to make you you offer up an explanation. They're desperate.

I still laugh at the fact people on another forum had my husband down as an arms dealer and I just let them believe it.

I don't understand why you are making your life so complicated. Someone asks you what you do for a living, you just reply "freelance IT/ Web". That's all. Why do you need to add you only work 3 days a month? If it's nobody's business, why do you over-complicate things?

Your friend are not really your friend to spread malicious rumours. You give the impression that you have a funny attitude which makes them wonder and gossip.

olivers
It's funny really as until recently I wasn't aware that I was the centre of attention (albeit behind my back) so, no, I don't enjoy it.
If you were wary of me due to your own past with people who have nice enough lifestyles but don't work that much then that's down to your own issues but I wouldn't expect you to be mostly nice to my face then bitch about me and spread rumours behind my back...
I also don't lie at all, I just don't speak about my finances. In fact a lot of posters are suggesting I DO lie to get them off my back. I don't see a point of lying, and I don't see why I should share details about my finances.
It makes me uncomfortable and always has, I don't see why it's relevant and while I can understand curiosity it's the rest of it I don't get

PEOPLE KNOW WHAT OCCUPATION I WORK IN (perhaps that'll stop the assumption that they don't)

It gives me the rage

Yep, I can see how someone not putting you out of your misery would do that.

I have a friend in a similar boat. I'm privy to her finances a bit more as I've known her since we were kids and know she inherited a lot of money from a grandparent. I've never shared this with anyone else though as it's her business and she keeps it quiet.

There have been rumours she's some rich man's mistress etc. Friend finds this funny though, she is of the 'don't care what people think of me' ilk.

If I didn't already know I'd never ask and certainly would not be speculating and spreading rumours. I like this woman and I want to keep her in my life!