To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

I dont think the ops money comes from any kind of work. Her friends probably do know her job. The secrecy is around the obvious extra source of income which lm guessing is a trust fund/ lottery win whatever.
I suppose Op they are bound to be curious but you need to find one sentence to use when people ask eg dont worry its all above board. But l think if you are to become close friends with anyone..not gossipers..its difficult if a whole part of your life is closed off. But it is entirely your business. If you were my friend , while l might wonder, l would definitely never ask and trust you knew what you were doing.
My dh did inherit some money which l have never discussed with my closest friends or even my family. But we do have an obvious source of income.

I reckon the OP is a super secret spy and every now and again has to report to head office (hence the 'work'). But in reality she works really hard at ridding the Earth of scum.
When are you going to take Kim out OP?

Ignorey post i was too slow in posting

I just dont see the reason to be so sercetive unless its not all above board

Agree with this 100%

If you didn't like being the subject of gossip why post it on MN knowing fine well you'll be asked the same questions?

Just tell them. You're right, it is really boring. No one will care

dads yes an anonymous online thread to get advice about friends who are badmouthing me for not sharing my financial details. Can't really avoid it. If it bothers you feel free to hide the thread

Cross-post with your update - so it's basically child maintenance, capital gains from a house sale and rental income? Don't see what the problem with telling people that tbh.

They aren't asking for exact info are they like show me your bank statements.

I was brought up just the same as you regarding money. I have made money through wise investments over the years and I started when I was a teenager. A few people know this but they have no idea how much. When it seemed as if DH and I were breaking up at Christmas people were fretting for me as I was retired early through ill health and have a pension. I had to admit to my sisters that I would just buy another house.

Get new friends!

You aren't one of those people from the pop-up ads in the internet are you? You know the ones

"Local woman earns £3billion per week for 5 hours work with this simple task"

or

"Archivists HATE this Local woman for providing this for £x, making herself £3billion per week for 5 hours work even though undercutting their exorbitant rates"?

Why not just say that then?

Living off investments, property and maintenance isn't anything that unusual or secret squirrel.

I'm quite happy to say on here, it's boring.

Why are you happy to tell total strangers but not your actual friends? 😐

Not nice of them to openly bitch, mind.

If you've been all wafty and mysterious about it in RL like you have here, then you'll have massively piqued their interest

I can't imagine anyone giving two shits otherwise

I agree tbh.

Ordinariily, I would agree that it is none of their business where your money comes from and extremely rude of them to keep asking about it. In fact, if you really don't think you would miss them at all, I would cut them off on the basis of this rumour-mongering. It is awful behaviour, and not the behaviour of friends at all.

OTOH, if in RL you are anything like you are in this thread when talking about your finances - banging on about how you live a comfortable life, yet barely earn anything a month, resolutely refusing to say where your money comes from when asked - then I can see how the rumour-mongering has started. After reading your OP, I wasn't even interested in your dilemma, I only wanted to know where your money came from! I am guessing inheritance or a lottery win.

Are you worried that if people know the source of your wealth they will start begging or will only want to be friends with you because of your wealth? If that is not your worry, I really think just telling them how you live will be the easiest way forward. It is almost as if, by making an issue of this, you have created the situation you find yourself in.

Just tell them it's a monthly inheritance you receive. Even if it's not the truth. To be so vague in RL with people you know is a bit odd. Whilst I agree what people earn is no one else's business, being secretive when asked will unfortunately make people assume you are being shady with them. How difficult is it to reply 'inheritance' or 'Divorce maintenance'. By refusing to tell people suggests you are embarrassed. If they are your friends, they are possibly pissed of you don't trust them enough to tell them the truth.

It is inevitable that your friends will be curious; it is not inevitable that they will bee rude enough to ask. It is completely unacceptable that they make up stories like drug dealing and prostitution.

Oh sorry, I took so long to write that previous post, I now see you have come clean about your finances and hundreds of people have already said what I was trying to say.

I'd assume you were a trust fun kid and conveniently had no idea of how the real work worked and how life is for most people who have to go to work.

So house sale and maintence keep you going. with savings and investments. You seem to be ashamed that you have been very wealthy in passed and are now living off house sales and savings. With intests rates so low can't see living off savings bringing any meanoful income unless you are talking huge amounts.

Your snobby friends will be delighted you don't touch benefits and it's all "self made".

Why are you being so secretive as to what you do for a living? This is only feeding the rumours. To be fair, I would think it is something dodgy or illegal too.

I don't mind being asked, I don't like talking about money. And yes I will post here anonymously rather than telling people who are already spreading rumours about me, some of which make me look/feel awful. I don't brag at all, in fact I try to avoid mentioning money/income at all. I'm not a braggy-ish person. I avoid mentioning amounts/specifics and the why's and where's because it makes me uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to make anyone else uncomfortable by making money a topic of conversation.

I think you are in a (very fortunate) but rare situation. Naturally people come to the most logical conclusion that you receive money from the state. You need a sentence like "I receive income from elsewhere that I don't really want to talk about" and leave it at that.

Oh missed your update.

That's boring. Just tell people FS.

Do you have other closer friends who do know more about your life? Or have you had bad experiences before with people latching on to you or expecting you to pay for stuff?

It's just it sounds like these current friends aren't particularly close if you perhaps fear their reactions or judgment, if they knew.

It's worth considering, though, that your assumptions about how they would react if you told them where your money comes from might not be accurate. Are you projecting that they'd be jealous, mean-spirited or grasping? Or do you think they'd think less of you for not earning it yourself (if that were the case)?

If those were really their reactions, then of course you wouldn't want to be friends with them - but are you sure you're being fair to them by not giving them a chance to see if they're just genuinely happy for you and it all blows over once the.mystery is taken out of it?