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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DD jack in her summer job?

201 replies

fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:48

DD (21) says she hates her summer job and wants to quit. Thinks her co-workers are rude to her and the work is dull. She's only been there a month! I told her she's lazy and has terrible work ethic, to which the waterworks came out. Hmm Tbf she's been working since 16, but she's moaned about every single job she's ever had (supermarkets/coffee shops) and I'm bloody tired of it. DD is medicated for depression but I think she's trying to pull on my conscience by saying work makes her miserable, etc. Think she's also moody because her mates are jaunting round Europe and bf is off in the US. She's a hard worker academically (doing a masters in sept) but she's so flipping lazy otherwise. AIBU to not let her laze around all summer? Hmm

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 20:49

Has she explained how she herself will fund the summer if she quits?

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:51

She inherited a few thousand from a deceased relative, and has her masters loans. She also has about 1k saved from her jobbing while at school. But I don't really want her to spend the inheritance.

OP posts:
Rinkydinkypink · 05/07/2017 20:51

I really feel for her. It's horrible when you feel all your friends are having adventurous times and your stuck at home.

I think maybe you could be a bit more understanding and either suggest she tries to reduce her hours or help her consider her. Could she get another job. Could she plan something exciting to do that would help her have something good to look forward to!

She's obviously sad at the moment.

islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 20:51

Gosh, I'd try to be supportive.

I remember feeling SO unhappy in a couple of mine, really awful work. I got horrendously bullied at McDonald's when I worked there.

At 21 it's her choice, I think. But she will have to be thinking about money.

Rinkydinkypink · 05/07/2017 20:52

*options! Consider her options

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:54

She can't really get something else now, she's going back to live with boyfriend in August so no one would hire her. She's pretty good at ebay oddly enough (she sells a lot of secondhand bits picked up from charity shops/friends/family) but not sure if that's enough pocket money to tide her over...

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2017 20:55

How can you force her to keep the job? She's an adult.

islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 20:55

OP, she's an adult, she's going to be moving in with her boyfriend, she's 21.

You can't decide how she spends her money and whether she works or not.

I normally am softer but I think you sound hard and unpleasant towards her.

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 05/07/2017 20:56

TBH I really sympathise with her. When I was that age I took a gap year to fund my next year of studies, and took a retail job. It was hell. My colleagues were horrendous, and their behaviour certainly amounted to bullying and harassment. Everyday after work I'd announce to my family, through tears, that I was going to quit.

I managed to force myself to stick with it and got a lot tougher. If someone was rude, I answered back. If somebody made a sarcastic comment, I rolled my eyes and laughed it off. Things got better. I did quit after my year. I am proud of myself for sticking with it cause it was hell. But I think I would have been happier if I'd left earlier.

Sympathise with her. Let her vent. I wouldn't have got through it without the support of my family. Knowing I could come home to their love kept me going through the tough parts.

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:57

Just concerned about how she'll cope in the real world with an actual job! Hmm She says it's different because she'll get a job in a field she enjoys, but I think she's demonstrated she has no work ethic.

OP posts:
islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 20:58

She's been working since she was 16, you said.

LuckyBuddha · 05/07/2017 20:59

If I had a few grand in the bank at her age I would be off travelling or doing something exciting! I've had plenty of rubbish summer jobs but only because I needed the money to survive! Yolo!

islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 20:59

MN are obsessed with work ethic.

I know plenty of people, from admittedly privileged backgrounds, who didn't work at all during sixth form, or university, who went on to get well paid positions.

Really.

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 05/07/2017 21:00

I understand your worries - you're a parent, it's a full time job to worry Wink. But I do think that the fact she has worked since she was 16 is promising. Future employers will certainly think so.

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 21:00

I've told her that spending money on holidays is a silly idea when she needs it for uni. Plus the inheritance would be better spent on a housing deposit.

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 05/07/2017 21:00

I'm totally in agreement with you wishing to install a strong work ethic, but if the job is making her miserable to the degree she is crying over it, perhaps on this occasion it might be best to support her in quitting. Let her enjoy the few weeks of summer whilst she is young and free (and has her inheritance). Masters are hard word, if she finishes that and lands a full time job quickly this might be the last truly free summer of her life.

Nancy91 · 05/07/2017 21:00

You're only young once, and it's up to her what she does anyway. Leave her to it.

InfiniteCurve · 05/07/2017 21:02

Well if she has had jobs since she was 16,and works hard academically she does have a good work ethic,doesn't she?
And she can afford not to work - possibly she will look back and regret using her money but equally maybe she will look back and regret having spent time she will never get back on a job she hates and doesn't need at this precise moment Hmm

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 05/07/2017 21:03

At the end of my second year of uni, one of my tutors advised us to travel. He said that we had the rest of our lives to work and save, but that realistically we would never again have the same freedom to travel for months (at least until retirement). It didn't really apply to me as a mature student, but I believe it was fantastic advice for the other students.

islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 21:03

You sound horrible, actually, OP Angry

SlothMama · 05/07/2017 21:04

If she's moaning now how is she going to deal with having a job in the real world? I spent 5 years in Sainburys and another year in a clothes shop, I hated the work and the rude customers. But I had to do this to fund myself during Uni.

I now have a job in the field I wanted to work in and there are still days I hate it (mostly love it though!) But I had a good work ethic already from working early mornings and late nights. If she's moaned about every job maybe it's her not the job? It sucks watching your friends having fun and travelling but that's life you can't always get what you want!

ThomasRichard · 05/07/2017 21:04

I think OP that I would be encouraging her to go and do something fun to improve her mental health while she has the chance. She doesn't 'need' the money right now but she certainly does need her health. Even if work isn't really making her miserable, depression is awful and come August she's not going to have much scope for a pick-me-up.

If she's been working since she was 16 then she's already in good stead to provide for herself as an adult. She has less than a month before she moves out and will have to live that reality.

Does she know what she would do if she wasn't working? How about going on one of these so she's part of a group of young people with a structure?

Purplemac · 05/07/2017 21:04

So she's worked since she was 16 and you think she's lazy with no work ethic? And If she's 21 and starting a masters in September I'm guessing she has been studying that whole time as well? She's probably been doing more than the standard 40 hours a week of studying and working combined.

By all means try to dissuade her from quitting if you're that against it, but questioning her work ethic makes you sound awful. A young adult having a moan about their job whilst also studying doesn't make them lazy ffs.

islandsandshores · 05/07/2017 21:06

Although fleetwood that must have been a blow for poorer students.

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2017 21:06

I've told her that spending money on holidays is a silly idea when she needs it for uni. Plus the inheritance would be better spent on a housing deposit.

She'll never have a better chance to travel than when she's young and commitment free. Don't be such a stick in the mud.