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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DD jack in her summer job?

201 replies

fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:48

DD (21) says she hates her summer job and wants to quit. Thinks her co-workers are rude to her and the work is dull. She's only been there a month! I told her she's lazy and has terrible work ethic, to which the waterworks came out. Hmm Tbf she's been working since 16, but she's moaned about every single job she's ever had (supermarkets/coffee shops) and I'm bloody tired of it. DD is medicated for depression but I think she's trying to pull on my conscience by saying work makes her miserable, etc. Think she's also moody because her mates are jaunting round Europe and bf is off in the US. She's a hard worker academically (doing a masters in sept) but she's so flipping lazy otherwise. AIBU to not let her laze around all summer? Hmm

OP posts:
ILoveDolly · 05/07/2017 21:18

Maybe she'd like to jaunt off around Europe too? It's a long boring life ahead and 21 is a great age for fun and adventures blowing your inheritance on wild times and holiday romance. Seriously, please let her live a little. She is a young woman and no ones work ethic improved by being stuck in a boring job they hated while their mum told them they were crap. Been there, done that, escaped into the wide blue yonder with only a few shreds of self esteem intact. She needs a holiday, not a lecture.

corythatwas · 05/07/2017 21:18

we've always been hard workers, none of this depression nonsense like all young people seem to have these days

Good heavens, my grandfather suffered from depression and he was born in 1891. My MIL was medicated for it in the 50s; she was born in 1926. It's not a new invention, you know, just because you have been lucky enough to be spared. Count your blessings, is all I can say.

As for your dd, if she has been working since she was 16, and done well enough at university to be accepted for a Masters, then I'd suspect a work ethic is not what she is short of.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2017 21:19

I suffered from depression throughout my teens and I'm a lot older than you.

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 05/07/2017 21:19

Oh op Sad I was trying to be sympathetic with you at first, but you've lost me now. Not ever having depression is flipping good luck, not a badge of honour. Your poor dd

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 21:20

KatherinaMinola yes she is the first to go to uni, but I did a distance learning degree so I am aware it's hard work. Never said I wasn't proud of her grades.

OP posts:
NotACleverName · 05/07/2017 21:20

none of this depression nonsense like all young people seem to have these days.

(although DH firmly believes it's a phenomenon of the snowflake generation)

Hmm

You and your DH can both fuck right off. Then fuck off again for good measure. YABU and horrible.

Your daughter is 21, she can jack in her job if she wants to. I'm not sure how you intend to stop her.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2017 21:20

X post with cory

My mum had depression and I suspect her mother did too.

Parker231 · 05/07/2017 21:20

She is 21 - she can do what she wants, including giving up a job if she wants to. Why hasn't she gone traveling with her friends? Sounds like she deserves a good holiday.

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 21:25

I just don't think lazing around all summer is the right way to go about cheering her up. She likes to go and sit on her laptop in coffee shops - not exactly very stimulating is it?!

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 21:25

Never said I wasn't proud of her grades.

But are you proud of her? You don't even seem to like her much.

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2017 21:26

If she's going to be working hard at uni, why not have a more chilled out summer?

I teach and that's exactly what I'm planning on doing.

Original poster
fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 21:27

RebelRogue like I said, she's very different to DH and I, I don't really understand her. She's been difficult to parent.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/07/2017 21:28

So it's her fault she's difficult to parent is it?

Jejemere · 05/07/2017 21:28

She's been doing a degree, now onto a masters, maybe she wants some chill time before restarting a stimulating education, you're an adult honestly back up, if she wants to sit in coffee shops, go on holiday or whatever surely thats her choice and her decision what she spends her inheritance on.

RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 21:28

The fuck does that have to do with wether you're proud of her or not?

TinselTwins · 05/07/2017 21:29

Having a good work ethic doesn't = staying an any job no matter what, even if your workmates are horrid to you!

She obviously has a work ethic if she has saved money from previous jobs and is doing a masters

Working in the service industry nowadays is soul destroying . It used to be quite fun, back in my "summer jobs" days, now it's absolutely horrid. I'ld want my kid to have a nice summer and go into their masters happy and relaxed.

What's the point in having savings if you can't ever use them?

ILoveDolly · 05/07/2017 21:29

Maybe stop trying to parent her now. Perhaps you two should go away together and have a nice time as adults. Have a meal, do something she likes, find out about her

InfiniteCurve · 05/07/2017 21:31

Wow.So depression is,what - some kind of act? Presumably people should just pull themselves together?
My daughter has anxiety.I don't remember any of my friends suffering from anxiety in their twenties - but I'm just coming to terms with a lot of stuff in my own life now in my 50s,and I have always always worried about lots of things at various levels of stress and upset.
So who has done best,DD who hopefully is learning better ways of managing her life and emotions now in her 20's,because these issues are talked about more now by her "snowflake" generation,or me,not dealing with any of it till 20+ years later? Because I learned that if you hated something well tough,you just had to get on with it and deal...meh

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 05/07/2017 21:31

If you want to distance your daughter, and perhaps cause irrevocable damage, you're going the right way about it. Ease up on her and let her find her own way.

CaretakerToNuns · 05/07/2017 21:32

YANBU. She's 21, much too old to be sitting on her backside doing nothing the entire summer.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2017 21:33

I think I'd rather gouge out my eyes with rusty scissors than go away with someone so unpleasantly judgmental.

RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 21:33

You know what? You do sound just like my mother... and i know I'm projecting here.

I was difficult to parent too,and different from her and dad,mentality and personality wise. Oh and I didn't have anything to be depressed about either(despite knowing about me being sexually assaulted) because i was a kid. Self harm,was me being attention seeking and stupid. I never got anywhere near close of what her daughter should be,do,think.
I was not difficult to parent,she was a shit mother that couldn't be arsed enough looking for an ideal daughter to see the kid that was right in front of her!!

TinselTwins · 05/07/2017 21:33

RebelRogue like I said, she's very different to DH and I, I don't really understand her. She's been difficult to parent.

You sound difficult!

You don't like your daughter. You don't like her whole generation! so maybe you should just butt out huh?

ImsorryTommy · 05/07/2017 21:33

Aw you pushed too far too soon with this thread OP. Try harder next time.

KatherinaMinola · 05/07/2017 21:34

I think the pressures of full-time study at university are different from those of distance learning, and she probably wants to 'decompress' - university can get quite intense, especially during finals.

I don't think you need to parent her at this age - I appreciate that she still lives with you but she is an adult and can make her own decisions now, including about whether she needs time off.