AIBU to not let DD jack in her summer job?

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DD (21) says she hates her summer job and wants to quit. Thinks her co-workers are rude to her and the work is dull. She's only been there a month! I told her she's lazy and has terrible work ethic, to which the waterworks came out. Tbf she's been working since 16, but she's moaned about every single job she's ever had (supermarkets/coffee shops) and I'm bloody tired of it. DD is medicated for depression but I think she's trying to pull on my conscience by saying work makes her miserable, etc. Think she's also moody because her mates are jaunting round Europe and bf is off in the US. She's a hard worker academically (doing a masters in sept) but she's so flipping lazy otherwise. AIBU to not let her laze around all summer?

She's been working since she was 16 and is doing a Masters, despite her depression being bad enough for medication.

A) I think her work ethic is superb, and
B) what could this job potentially do to accentuate her depression if it's that bad?

Maybe a compassionate chat might be a good starting point.

Everyone moans about their job. She's worked since she was 16, she's not lazy or work shy.

You can't force her not to quit but you can refuse to subsidise that choice. I'd strongly advise her not to live off inheritance money, imo that should be for something particular rather than just living costs unless you really don't have any other option. But again, unless it's in trust for her or something, you can't force her.

Sounds like she needs some time to recharge. I went straight from school to uni, then did a masters, then straight into a full time job (with part time jobs while studying). I ended up signed off work for 6 months with burnout. It is not unreasonable to need down time, if she spends a couple of weeks in coffee shops on her laptop, this can surely only be beneficial! She will start uni in a better place mentally, and be ready to cope with the course.

Can she not quit her job and go traveling with the money for a month?

Not rtft but think this would be a good idea, it would probably help brighten her up before uni and although you say its a silly idea a grand is not going to be enough for a deposit on a house anywhere in the country memories last a lifetime and her mental state seems most important atm.

Everyone's saying she's not work shy, but I'm sure she's only stuck with it because she knows how much i would disapprove of her quitting

Stevieo she has 15 grand, so it's not like it's an amount she can just carelessly play with. it's a pretty great start to a deposit, hence why I don't want her spending it.

She's an adult, it is entirely up to her whether she quits this job. If she chooses to live off her savings for the rest of the summer, she can do so even though you think she is making the wrong decision. As far as I can see, it won't affect you one way or another. And she's moving out next month anyway.

After coincidentally reading several threads about clashes between parents and their young adult children, I am more grateful than ever that I left home for university as a teen and never lived in my parents' house again. My parents were always quite reasonable (I hope I was as well) and our relationship was fine. But I imagine that the potential for conflict rises when the parent/child dynamic changes as the child grows up.

She could spend £3k travelling and have a fantastic time but still have a really decent amount in the bank.

I'm sure she's only stuck with it because she knows how much i would disapprove of her quitting

I really really hope you're a troll for the sake of your daughter.

You sound awful.

Everyone's saying she's not work shy, but I'm sure she's only stuck with it because she knows how much i would disapprove of her quitting

What has your daughter done to make you dislike her so much? Your low opinion of her comes across in every post.

15K! Bloody hell, no wonder she doesn't want to spend her summer waitressing. I think you need to stop running her life - tell her to spend up to a grand on a holiday. That's assuming this is real.

Well I think you need to let her live her life and spend her money how she wants. Sorry I know that isn't what you want to hear. I'm closer to the finish than the start of life and now I'm a pensioner I realise how lucky young people are going off and having adventures, she will soon enough be on the treadmill for 40 years so let her have her fun, sounds like she needs it.

I think fleetwood's tutor was spot on.

to everyone questioning me, I'm not a troll - i occasionally use an alternate mumsnet account and i thought coming on AIBU would provide some more back-up to my argument. but after reading these responses, perhaps I'll see about finding her some more chilled part-time work in a friend's clothing boutique, since fashion is more up DD's street. or suggest she takes a cheapish mini break.

she's very introverted and shy so my guess would be she hates the fact she has to deal with people all day

You think?

Wow. If I were her I'd have left weeks ago and gone to live with my boyfriend because my parents were so thoughtless, rude and unkind. Especially if you started calling my mental health problems 'depression nonsense' and say that I was a snowflake.

I get that she's different from you. Can you not see that she needs you to accept the person she is, rather than keep making her feel like a failure for not being the person you are? Try listening to her rather than telling her off all the time. Try loving her a bit more, maybe?

Stop interfering!!
You don't get to pick her holiday or new job!

No, she hasn't been "difficult", she's a separate person to you and your DH and it doesn't sound as if you've made any effort to get to know and like her.

Don't even get me started on "depression nonsense" and "snowflake generation". She's 21 - unless you're paying all her bills and she's totally reliant on you, you have no say in whether or not she keeps that job.

You and your DH need to learn some empathy, OP.

Also her inheritance is hers. You do not get a say in how she spends it.

bridgetreilly I love my dd very much thanks, but i do think she needs to toughen up a bit. life isn't always fun and games.

Depression nonsence, for gosh sakes my great grandfather suffered with it in the 1900s, people have always suffered with it, its not bloody snow flake generation, it is an imbalence of chemicals in the brain. As for making your daughter stays in a job she hates say goodbye to a relationship in the future.
She has worked since she is 16, has a degree and going for her masters but her own mother still calls her workshy, lazy and not proud of her. Poor girl probably has zero confidence with that kind of attitude. Im an introvert and stuck at jobs hated, one that left me on anti depresents, with counciling and hating my life completely. Stop being controlling and remember she is 21. This is her time to travel, to do fun stuff etc before she settles down to a job or if she decides having a family. Seriesly unless you start to listen you may find you totally ruin your relationship with your daughter. Please, please try and say something nice about her to her and part of being a parent is letting her make her own mistakes and learn to make own decissions. You are doing her no favors

Why not just take a step back? At 21, she doesn't need her life managed by her mum anymore. If she wants advice, she can certainly ask for it.

life isn't always fun and games.

She's more than aware of that after living with you for so many years.

Well, I'm just grateful I got parents who, despite being completely different from me, let me make my own life choices rather than trying to control my whole life. She's an adult. She's been an adult for years. Why on earth would you 'see about getting her a job'? Back off, HARD.

Wow! Just Wow!

Your DD's self esteem must be absolutely shot given her own parents can't stand her. Everything you say about her is dripping with disdain. Poor girl. No wonder she's depressed.