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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DD jack in her summer job?

201 replies

fjieopwfjqer · 05/07/2017 20:48

DD (21) says she hates her summer job and wants to quit. Thinks her co-workers are rude to her and the work is dull. She's only been there a month! I told her she's lazy and has terrible work ethic, to which the waterworks came out. Hmm Tbf she's been working since 16, but she's moaned about every single job she's ever had (supermarkets/coffee shops) and I'm bloody tired of it. DD is medicated for depression but I think she's trying to pull on my conscience by saying work makes her miserable, etc. Think she's also moody because her mates are jaunting round Europe and bf is off in the US. She's a hard worker academically (doing a masters in sept) but she's so flipping lazy otherwise. AIBU to not let her laze around all summer? Hmm

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 05/07/2017 21:58

OP's daughter, if you're reading this: leave your job, go and join your mates in Europe, and have some well-deserved fun. Right now.

NotACleverName · 05/07/2017 21:59

life isn't always fun and games.

I'd expect that she's already fully aware of this, given what an awful cold-hearted mother she has.

You don't get to pick her job or her holiday either. Butt the fuck out.

munchkinmaster · 05/07/2017 22:00

If she wants to go (up to her) I'd suggest a proper month away. Not a "cheapish" mini break. Go sit on the beach in Thailand.

You know my parents encouraged me to slog my guts out in ill paying part time jobs from 13. I often wonder if they really thought through all the extra curricular stuff I missed or whether working 15 hours over the weekend got in the way of my school work.

Pollydonia · 05/07/2017 22:00

depression nonsense yep, I'm out.

I'm probably your age op ( mid 40's ) and I've had depression twice in my life. Y'know, the chemical imbalance in the brain ? The actual medical condition . I suggest you worry far less about your daughter's work life and educate yourself regarding mental health before you embarrass yourself even more .

TinselTwins · 05/07/2017 22:04

but i do think she needs to toughen up a bit. life isn't always fun and games.

Jesus!
Who the hell actually wishes that on their child!
I hope and wish for my children that they DON'T have to "toughen up". Preferably ever. And I hope their lives are full of fun.

Co1onelblimp · 05/07/2017 22:06

What a disgusting attitude toward mental health you have. Angry Your poor DD. I hope she quits her job and takes off travelling.

GreenTulips · 05/07/2017 22:08

You're only young once and I think we all have great memories of being reckless and carefree - enjoying the sun sand and yes sex!

Holidays are a great way to unwind - feel close to those you go with - make memories to share -

We broke down on a moor tracing a no slept in the car - walked miles to use the loo and grab a drink - we survived!! And I'll never forget it!!

I've worked some shitty jobs as well - makes you appreciate a good one

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/07/2017 22:09

I can't get past page two. You are awful. What a horrible person and no one she is so depressed and an introvert with you as a mother.

Rinkydinkypink · 05/07/2017 22:09

Depression in 21 year olds is nothing new op. If this is the vibe your DD is growing up in no wonder she feels like shit!

You need to reassess your views and accept your daughter is doing a fantastic job at age 21 she's worked and studied. She far from lazy. She probably facing early burnout due to stress and overly unrealistic parental expectations.

Give the young woman the break! She's got the rest of her life to have to work and juggle home and family. I feel very sad for you DD! She could do with some real support.

CockacidalManiac · 05/07/2017 22:10

Fuck me; your attitude to your daughter's health makes you sound pretty horrible.

IHateUncleJamie · 05/07/2017 22:10

Every time you post, you sound more cold-hearted and controlling, OP. If you want a relationship with your daughter in the future, you need to wake up, try loving your dd unconditionally - stop disapproving, stop minimising depression, and try appreciating your daughter for who she is.

Otherwise I can see her going no contact in the future and rightly so. Is that what you want?

CockacidalManiac · 05/07/2017 22:11

And I imagine she'll be on here one day talking about her appalling narc mother.

Parker231 · 05/07/2017 22:24

OP - you're getting it wrong. When you're 21, life is fun and games. If it can't be then, when can it. Plenty of time for her to live the serious stuff.

Laura1206 · 05/07/2017 22:28

The only nonsense is what I've read from you, OP.

SomeOtherFuckers · 05/07/2017 22:29

This has to be a reverse? 'None of this depression nonsense' ... I hope you don't tel your poor daughter that her depression is nonsense

HelloPossums · 05/07/2017 22:33

This has to be a reverse?

I've been thinking that too, SomeOther. If it isn't a reverse, it's really sad Sad

SomeOtherFuckers · 05/07/2017 22:35

Also no one who was depressed when you were 21 sought help or talked about it because of the stigma attached

SomeOtherFuckers · 05/07/2017 22:35

Bloody boomers

HelloPossums · 05/07/2017 22:36

Of course, it's really sad and a shame if it is a reverse, but just reading some of the things that the OP wrote on here about her relationship with her DD, and what she seems to really think about her DD, is really sad :(

SomeOtherFuckers · 05/07/2017 22:41

I thought so @HelloPossums I've never heard someone be so blatantly dismissive of mental health

Voice0fReason · 05/07/2017 22:47

none of this depression nonsense like all young people seem to have these days. DD is a very emotional person when she's around us (seems fine around her mates tho!). Don't really know how to deal with her and she never seems to want to talk to me anyway.
You don't have a good relationship with your DD because you are unsupportive, controlling, interfering and rude.
Maybe it's time you started being nice to her and letting her live her own life.

RollingGreenMarble · 05/07/2017 22:50

God your poor daughter, you sound vile.

Run OPs daughter, run and never look back!!

Cocklodger · 05/07/2017 22:56

Jesus OP.
Mental illnesses including depression has existed for many, many years.
Except there was a culture of shut the fuck up and get on with it, in which more people suffered and ultimately died. And if you were unable to hide your illness you got carted off to a "loony bin" which had a stigma attached to it, and you probably would've been known as "x from the loony bin" if people are now more able to get diagnosis, appropriate help and understanding it isn't a bad thing is it.
Perhaps you're an embodiment of why the young uns think us lot are fucking idiots Confused
I despair.

Penhacked · 05/07/2017 22:57

What jumps out from all your posts is that the one and only right way to live your life is yours and your dh's way. Her moods, where she spends her money, her introvert nature, her pleasures like laptop in a coffee shop, holidays, etc....all contrast to your own so you want to mold her into your form. But that isn't parenting. Parenting is respecting someone as the individual that they are. You need to listen to her and stop judging every move she makes.Let her quit, or at least vent about the job. It is hardy going to ruin her life if she does. It wouldn't harm her to even I have one month of drinking coffee on a laptop. And also remember lots of illnesses 'didn't exist' 50 years ago. Doesn't mean they weren't there under another name.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2017 23:07

@SomeOtherFuckers what have boomers got to do with it?

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