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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
Rioja123 · 01/07/2017 20:30

Yep.

lobsterface · 01/07/2017 20:31

They're annoying - people just need to accept if they have a weekday wedding some folk might not be able to get time off. Of course same goes for any day of the week but less so.

PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 20:32

Yes. I teach and wouldn't be able to get time off.

CottagePieInTheOven · 01/07/2017 20:32

YES THEY ARE.

I always turn them down.

and the are always on a stupid day of the week like Wednesday, rather than a Friday

FlipFlopsReady · 01/07/2017 20:33

Yes.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 20:34

I had a weekday wedding, everyone invited came. I would go to one without a thought.

If people have a problem they don't have to go, but it's not something to moan about.

EZA15 · 01/07/2017 20:34

We had ours on a weekday because we didn't want people to come 😂😂. Sod's law - loads of people came because they couldn't believe that my OH was actually tying the knot! We wanted to elope but OH's dad caught wind of it and kicked off so just had we had planned to be a small registry office wedding..

Original poster
OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:34

Like I say I have only ever been to one and because it was a family member I didn't feel I could get out of it - a lot of people didn't turn up though and the evening part of it was awful like a ghost town with no atmosphere at all

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 01/07/2017 20:35

Yep, great for the bride and groom to save a bit of money but not always easy for guests.

We were invited to one last year, it was a close family member so really we had to go, but it meant two days off work (out of holiday allocation) because of the distance we had to travel.
Also, local people had work the following day so it all started to fizzle out by around 10.

gallicgirl · 01/07/2017 20:35

Probably.

I got married in the week but I at least tagged it onto a bank holiday. We had few guests who were given plenty of notice. I'd have totally understood if anyone was unable to attend.
The venue we chose required à minimum of 100 guests at the weekend, a policy which wasn't unusual.

EZA15 · 01/07/2017 20:35

*what we had planned to be..

TizzyDongue · 01/07/2017 20:35

If a person feels inconvenienced by a wedding invitation then you can take it they don't want to attend the wedding of whoever is getting married. So would be better off sending their regrets.

EB123 · 01/07/2017 20:36

Oops I had a Friday wedding. However it was very small (30 people including children) and everybody was able to come. We gave a years notice so people could plan.

Original poster
OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:36

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou

it is when there is the expectation because it is a family member that you must go and therefore forego precious holiday days when you only get so many that year

don't take it personal no one is having a dig at you and yes we know they aren't demands we can turn them down

OP posts:
ShutUpBaz · 01/07/2017 20:36

My DB and SIL-to be are doing this to save money. They are also waiting for a cancellation on their chosen venue. So I'll get 12 weeks notice of a midweek wedding during school time. Plus DP and I both work full time shifts. Tis a puzzle to be sure. Fuck knows how many guests they'll have. I would feel sorry for them but SIL is refusing to listen to anyone.

sodablackcurrant · 01/07/2017 20:37

Most weddings where I am (not in UK) are held on a Friday.

Saturday weddings are becoming rare.

Weekday weddings are generally very small events close family only. That's my experience.

But if a couple decide to have their wedding on a weekday, they cannot expect every invitee to be able to attend. Maybe that's the intention! Sorry for the sarky.

SaucyJack · 01/07/2017 20:37

Depends on the wedding. If you're expecting to have a big, late night piss-up with everyone and their dog there on a Tuesday, then that's a bit out of order.

A small do, with just a few close friends and family out for lunch afterwards would probably be fine.

PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 20:38

If people have a problem they don't have to go, but it's not something to moan about.

Well lots of people just can't go. Its not that they have a problem with the concept of a weekday wedding as such.

I feel entitled to moan that someone has invited me to something they know I won't be able to make.

hopeful31yrs · 01/07/2017 20:40

We had a weekday wedding -- everyone came and made the effort to book the time off the next day so we all socialised the next day also. We weren't looking to save money, my DHs family is Jewish and wouldn't attend on a sat/fri and we didn't want to get married on a Sunday. It worked well for us, but we only had 60 and they were close friends who would do anything for us.

OCSockOrphanage · 01/07/2017 20:40

In days gone by, weekday weddings were regarded as MUCH smarter, because guests were assumed to be able to take time off during the week. When my mum was married, in 1955, it would have been very infra dig to marry on Saturday. Times have changed a lot since then, as so many people live a long way from where they grew up so have to travel to attend.

Rioja123 · 01/07/2017 20:41

Not as simple as saying don't go - there are certain weddings you are expected to attend and that entails taking annual leave when they pick a random weekday.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 01/07/2017 20:41

A lot of people cannot get time off work at all midweek - e.g. teachers, health workers, police. If you have children you will get fined for taking them out of school or if it's a child-free wedding have to make arrangements for someone else to pick them up from school. And that's before we get into the issue of using up your annual leave for someone else's jamboree which could have been held at the weekend. (My annual leave is really precious to me - there isn't enough to go round all of DS's holidays, damned if I'm giving up more for someone's wedding).

So yes, utterly shit IMO. Because what you've done as bride and groom is deliberately set it up as a test of people's friendship: "do you love me enough to majorly inconvenience yourself for us?" I love my friends dearly, but they are not the centre of my universe. They come below spending time with my DS and earning a living. (I feel the same about vanity weddings abroad - as opposed to weddings which are abroad because one of the couple comes from there. And weddings where the hen do turns into a long weekend abroad somewhere incredibly expensive.)

Muddlingalongalone · 01/07/2017 20:41

I went to a weds wedding. The b&g gave worked shifts for years and regularly taken holiday for other people's weekend weddings.
It worked better for them and their US guests who could fly in one weekend & back out the next weekend.
People should get married when they want to - whilst acknowledging that people might not make it.
If important people that you really want their are teachers etc - wait for the holidays.

ClashCityRocker · 01/07/2017 20:42

We had a Friday wedding... Although the day do was quite small and most of our friends are shift workers so may have had to take annual leave even if we had it on a Saturday.

Didn't save us any money, and avoided a clash with a big sports fixture.

Plus all of our guests were local so no travelling up the day before.

I wouldn't have a midweek wedding if I had a lot of guests who would have to travel and take three days off work for though just so I could get a better deal at a venue.

trowelmonkey1 · 01/07/2017 20:42

I think it depends really. We got married on a Friday, but there were only 9 guests and it wasn't a big deal.

We were invited to my SIL's wedding, which was a two day midweek affair. It wasn't local and we would have had to use four days annual leave. I only get 20 days leave a year, so we declined. We're not close to DH's family, so it wasn't a massive issue. Besides, none of them attended our wedding anyway. DH refused to invite them, but that's a story for another thread...

I get why people would be tempted to have a cheaper midweek wedding, but they can't then get annoyed when people say they can't come.