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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
Bonez · 04/07/2017 12:34

Ours is going to be a Tuesday. This day fell on our anniversary which is why we picked it. Not really to do with money.

funnyfoursome · 04/07/2017 12:42

It's clear there are a lot of reasons why weddings are on weekdays and this thread has thrown up a lot of interesting points. I'm a teacher and one of my best friends got married on a Friday. It was very awkward but I asked my Head and she let me go. But I felt bad that my colleagues had to cover my lessons for me. Similarly difficult was when my cousin got married abroad 2 days before half term. I told her my dates but another friend couldn't make it so she chose the previous week. The same Head gave me the time off. I agree generally though that if you can't go then don't go. I think people who are non-teachers/ police/shift workers just don't understand the issues. I can't just get a day off for a random wedding or funeral, only close family. That's how it is

grannytomine · 04/07/2017 12:48

I'm always surprised that people seem to assume that everyone gets weekends off. So many jobs involve weekend shifts and it can be harder to get a Saturday off in my experience.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 04/07/2017 13:45

Having a weekday wedding makes sense if lots of your guests are weekend workers, or if you're a teacher having a wedding in the summer holidays (who knew there were so many about).

However if you work weekdays and most of your guests do too then it's the equivalent of getting married abroad, or going for a venue that gets cheaper the more rooms you get guests to book - it's saving you money by expecting your guests to take a larger hit.

greendale17 · 04/07/2017 13:48

Yes- having to take annual leave for it. But also I find weekday weddings have had a different vibe to it than weddings I have attended on a Saturday

OOAOML · 04/07/2017 16:23

I would assume that most couples would check the availability of anyone they really wanted to have at their wedding, and plan around that? Putting aside questions of working patterns and how much annual leave people have., not everyone plans their life around someone else's wedding. We got married on a Saturday in summer, and some people were on holiday. I didn't think any less of them for not rearranging. We'd checked that we and our parents and siblings were available, and that's the people that were key to us.

RestlessTraveller · 04/07/2017 17:30

We're having a weekday because we wanted a small wedding (nothing to do with cost) in a certain venue and they wanted us to have at least 100 guests on a Saturday. Happily all our friends and family are coming.

ashesandfire · 04/07/2017 18:07

My brother and SIL married on a Thursday and as far as I know pretty much everyone invited attended and it was the best wedding I've been too.
SIL is a teacher so it was during the holidays so I guess that made it easier for people with kids.
I do understand, weddings are crazy expensive. Sometimes it's the only way to afford the wedding you want. As long as people realise not everyone would be able to make it.
TBF not everyone can make weekend weddings either if they work shifts

ashesandfire · 04/07/2017 18:08

*to

Cameron2012 · 04/07/2017 18:15

To be fair loads of people work weekends too, retail, care workers , police, etc,it's just as difficult to get a Saturday off

Kjs81 · 04/07/2017 18:17

Weekday AND no children invited = nope, way too much hassle with a toddler! I assume the couple don't mind too much though that some guests can't/won't attend, otherwise it would be different!

HipsterHunter · 04/07/2017 18:20

Weekday weddings are totally shit.

You save a few £k and directly put that cost onto all your guests who have to take a day of annual leave/take a day of unpaid leave.

Madmama10 · 04/07/2017 18:33

These days lots of people work weekends too so you can't suit everyone. If you want certain people there you need to consult them on dates. Everyone else unfortunately just has to fit in so I do think YABU to some extent but they are too if they don't understand you might not be able to attend.

Mittens1969 · 04/07/2017 19:34

I've never been invited to a midweek wedding, but I wouldn't personally see it as an issue. It's not something I would have wanted to do myself as I wanted our family and friends to be able to be there.

If you're having a small affair with only close friends and family then a midweek wedding makes a lot of sense.

But if you book a midweek wedding don't bitch for months about friends not being able to get there!

Buttons2121 · 04/07/2017 20:05

What about a Sunday wedding that's quite far away, then you need to stay over night and take the Monday off!? You really can never win.

winkywonky · 04/07/2017 20:12

I am getting married on a Friday. Many of my friends that are nurses, police, retail etc all work Saturdays too. Most jobs are no longer Monday-Friday. People who think weekday weddings are crap are way behind the times. If someone did not want to take a day off work to attend my wedding, I honestly would not want them to be there anyway. Plus if you are a lucky M-F worker that has had to take a measly day off, you have 2 full days to nurse your hangover! Providing your not a boring fucker as well! Grin jokes!

Mammylamb · 04/07/2017 20:18

Yes, the happy couple should bankrupt themselves to have a weekend wedding with a fully paid bar (as expected on mumsnet these days) to keep all the guests happy! Well, we had a Friday wedding and everyone who mattered attended. It wasn't because it was cheaper, but because the actual date was special to us. However I've been to loads of mid week weddings with no issues

ILiveForNachos · 04/07/2017 20:29

You know your guests and you know what works for you so you decide when to have your wedding.

Most of our friends are

ILiveForNachos · 04/07/2017 20:33

Sorry!

Most of our friends are weekday workers. We made all our wedding choices based on maximum fun but minimum guest cost/impact. We chose a lower key venue so we can have a free bar and marrying in our local town so lots of people don't have to travel. Weddings cost so much for guests and it can get really out of hand.

Had a weekday suited most of our guests I would have considered it but it doesn't.

I hate weddings where the bride and groom go all out with no consideration for their guests actually those weddings are usually the worst fun as guests haven't been considered at all.

Eschra · 04/07/2017 20:34

Don't get the big deal. Ive never met a colleague who never takes a say here or there off work for all sorts of things from their annual leave. Why not a wedding if it's a friend? Don't want to go, don't go. Don't bitch about how unfair, cheeky or whatever, you personally think it is. Not your wedding so not your choice! Every weekday wedding I went to was nearly full. Yet another case of mumsnetter Pearl clutchers getting on their high horses as per usual.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/07/2017 20:36

I think, regardless of what day you choose to have your wedding, the nicest thing to do for your guests is to have it on a day which is convenient for most of them; if most of your friends and family work Monday - Friday, then obviously a weekend is better.

There's nothing wrong with having a weekday wedding at all and for some guests it is even preferable. What irks some people I think, is when it's expected that the guests move hell and high water to attend on a day which isn't convenient for them, so that the couple can either save money or have a flashier venue. Obviously, that doesn't apply to everyone who has a weekday wedding. I'm just explaining why some people might find it annoying.

I think guests for whom it is going to be a huge inconvenience have to learn to start saying no to wedding invites. I have friends who accept every wedding invite they receive and then complain about the expense and inconvenience. It's as if not going isn't an option, even if they aren't especially close to the couple. Maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but I really don't get this.

We got married quite young and had a bog standard country hotel reception with a few free drinks, but couldn't afford a free bar. I said, on another thread recently, that if we got married now, I would want to invite far fewer people and spend the same amount of money on a really special day for them. It's something I slightly regret about our wedding. We barely speak to a surprising number of the guests any more and we've only been married 6 years! It was lovely of them to make the effort to come etc, but at the same time, I doubt they'd have been terribly upset to have not been invited.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/07/2017 20:36

I don't know anyone who works weekends so I'd never choose a weekday wedding.

It all depends on the guests and how likely they are to be able to come.

Butterymuffin · 04/07/2017 21:12

They're mostly shit for guests, yes.

Remember that thread about the lady whose child and their partner booked a term time, weekday wedding (think it was abroad too, all the bingo numbers!) when she was a TA and couldn't go? She was heartbroken and they wouldn't change it. Just can't imagine doing that to your mum.

sarbramolemm2016 · 04/07/2017 22:35

I had a Friday wedding! Gave plenty of notice, if you can't make it don't go simple really, some people work weekends and do not have a mon- Fri job, you sound like people who shouldn't be invited any way to stuck up.

Crikeyme · 04/07/2017 22:37

We had a Friday wedding, and 90% of our guests were able to make it. We gave everyone about 7 months' notice, and as it was in the October half term any teacher friends were free to attend, and a lot of friends with kids were already planning to have time off rather than find childcare for the week. The date was important to us, hence the weekday wedding, but also if we hadn't been able to save money by doing it on a weekday, we'd have had to have a much smaller wedding anyway, and missed celebrating with lots of people we hoped to share the day with. Sadly, it often comes down to cost - I'd sooner be able to have the 100 people we really wanted to share it with on a Friday, than only 50 because we had to pay extra for a Saturday. Almost all the people who couldn't make were either living abroad or were elderly relatives with a long journey - neither group could make it because of distance/expense, whether it was on a Friday or a Saturday.