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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/07/2017 02:10

(In addition to usual attendance costs)

LeannePerrins · 02/07/2017 02:16

If people are worried about wasting a 'precious' holiday day on that they I would question how close they are to you and whether it matters if they are there or not! If someone important to me got married on a week day I would be happy to use a day's holiday to join in a celebration, hardly a waste!

Not everyone can use a day's annual leave at certain times of the year. Do you feel equally strongly about someone unwilling or unable to lose a day's pay in order to attend your speshul day?

TheCraicDealer · 02/07/2017 02:28

Ok not everyone works Mon-Fri, 9-5, but plenty still do. Hence why we shit ourselves at the prospect of a bank holiday and post minion memes on Facebook on Sunday nights complaining about the prospect of going back to work after the weekend or maybe that's just my fb friends.

Friday weddings are ok in my book- Saturday would be better but meh, I can deal with it. It's the Monday-Thursday ones I struggle with- unless you live close and are happy to go into work tired and potentially hungover then you'll need two days leave, and that's a big ask of people.

It's sort of a circular argument in a few PP's comments - people want a big wedding and the only way to afford it is to do it on a Wednesday, guests can't or don't want to take the necessary leave and so it ends up being a small affair anyway. And I don't agree with those who see it as some sort of "test" of the friendship; DP and I are getting married a good way away from his side. I would never think "oh well, they showed us where their priorities lie" if they couldn't spare the time off or expense to attend. People have their own lives to lead.

MsSusanStoHelit · 02/07/2017 02:41

I personally hate weekday weddings - they're really inconvenient for us. But you have to think of your own guests - would it be a pain for most of them? And give plenty of notice.

scottishdiem · 02/07/2017 03:01

"I cant see how that can NOT look cheap, to be honest."

Well if you value money over friends and family I suppose thats true.

I get that people cant take time off and that is a legitimate reason for not going to a wedding. Some people didnt come to mine because they were working on the Saturday (self-employed and had been booked for over 18 months. Ironic really - they are wedding celebrants). But thinking a wedding is for the guests as opposed to the couple I can NOT see how guest who think otherwise are coming across as entitled wankers to be honest.

OvertiredandConfused · 02/07/2017 07:45

I went to a wedding the Friday just gone. 40 guests in the day, immediate family and very close friends, then 200 in the evening. It was fabulous. Had lots of notice. Travelled after work on Thursday and got home mid afternoon yesterday. They did check with the daytime guests before confirming - special reason for the date (rather than day).

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 07:53

Yes, they are. They're a pain in the arse.

Unless you actually don't want people there (in which case why invite them), why have your wedding on a day when most people need to be at work?

Cailleach666 · 02/07/2017 08:02

All wedding are a PITA.

I do anything to avoid them. OH usually contacts and declines, telling them I am going through a biting phase.

Miskate · 02/07/2017 08:03

We got married on a Thursday, just before Christmas holidays. To get married on a Saturday would have involved being engaged for ages, as all the venues we liked were fully booked. We Both have massive families, were young and poor and hoped to cut down on numbers. The cost cut the exact same wedding on a Saturday was £10k more. I gave ZERO SHITS if people thought we were cheap or inconveniencing them, and we ended up with 120 guests. It wasn't dead by the evening! Can't believe how miserable people are on this thread.

MaroonPencil · 02/07/2017 08:10

Yes, weddings are joyous occasions. I love weddings, whatever form they take. That doesn't stop me, as a pp said, from opening an invite and thinking " how lovely, but what a pain in the arse that it is on a Wednesday". Of course I don't have to go, but I want to go, to see my lovely friends or family get married - but it cannot be denied that it is more annoying and inconvenient than a weekend.

Frazzled2207 · 02/07/2017 08:11

We got married on a Friday. 100 or so guests, have them a year or so's notice.

Lots teachers in my family and it was in school hols, but a lot of people did take leave. I think there was one person that couldn't come that was honest about not being able to get time off.

It was in a nice part of the world and despite yes being a bit of a pain I think people appreciated the chance to have a bit of a longer weekend, noone rushed back down south on the Saturday for example and we actually had a nice walk and afternoon tea with some friends on the Saturday afternoon which was lovely.

Frazzled2207 · 02/07/2017 08:12

Gave them not have them

PuckeredAhole · 02/07/2017 08:15

We got married on a Wednesday. But we eloped to America and only 6 people were invited and they came. Best most stress free wedding. And no, it wasn't in Vegas!

Iruka · 02/07/2017 08:16

I know someone who works 9-5 Mon-Fri and can book 16 days annual leave. He has been invited to five weddings this year, all on Thursdays and none local, so each would involve taking 3 days off. Plus stag dos. So he is having to say no to some, but according to some PP this means that isn't a true friend??

Sierra259 · 02/07/2017 08:18

I'd happily go to one on a Friday IF it was fairly local and I didn't have to take time off on the Thursday too to travel. If people want to book weekday weddings then that's up to them, but I personally wouldn't use 2 days of my leave to attend (wedding day and recovery day).

StinkyMcgrinky · 02/07/2017 08:26

We got married on a Wednesday Grin I was a teacher, as were the majority of my closest friends and most of DHs family (MIL, both SIL and their partners) it was half term and the venue we wanted was available on that date. Small wedding at a registry office and then drinks and food. Everyone turned up and we had the rest of half term to go on a mini honeymoon and relax. We wanted an Autumn wedding (sentimental reasons) and getting married on a Saturday as a teacher unable to take annual leave wasn't what we wanted.

Smarshian · 02/07/2017 08:27

iruka your friend needs to speak to his hr department if he's UK based. Law is 20 days annual leave plus bank holidays.

Urubu · 02/07/2017 08:31

I also find it a bit irritating that the thing the bride and groom have decided to compromise on is the thing that will massively inconvenience lots of guests
This

GraceGrape · 02/07/2017 08:32

I'm a teacher. I have had to decline weekday weddings because I am not allowed to take days off for friends' weddings. Not a case of "not caring" enough to take the time off. If I were in another profession and had to take AL to go to a wedding, I might not do it if it reduced the limited time I had available to be with my DC in the holidays.

TheLionQueen1 · 02/07/2017 08:36

Not everyone can use a day's annual leave at certain times of the year. Do you feel equally strongly about someone unwilling or unable to lose a day's pay in order to attend your speshul day*

Leanne not at all, but that would be the same whenever you did it over the year, whether it is someone that works weekend or school holidays etc. If someone couldn't make it fine but someone is always not going to be able to make it, should I rearrange the whole wedding for one person?! As I said I would be happy to do it for someone important to me, if they have the attitude you are saying (unwilling) then why would you want them there anyway!?

Ps "speshul day"? Not sure what they is but my day was very special thanks!

Trampire · 02/07/2017 08:38

I've only been to one wedding on a weekday. It was a Friday.

I went, and enjoyed it. However my baby was 3 months old at the time and it was a child-free wedding. I don't live remotely near any family members to babysit, so my husband had to both decline the invite and take a day off work so I could go.
The bride did bitch to me that she was 'upset' my dh didn't come. Oh well.....

It was a good wedding though.

TheLionQueen1 · 02/07/2017 08:40

I know someone who works 9-5 Mon-Fri and can book 16 days annual leave. He has been invited to five weddings this year, all on Thursdays and none local, so each would involve taking 3 days off. Plus stag dos. So he is having to say no to some, but according to some PP this means that isn't a true friend??

Iruka this is one guest, which is sad but this could be exactly the same being said about someone who works in retail at a weekend, having to regularly do this. I don't think anyone would say they weren't a true friend in this situation!

cluelessnewmum · 02/07/2017 08:43

Friday weddings I can accept if they're near enough by so I don't have to travel up the day before.

Any other week day is cheap and will put a real downer on the wedding. Went to a Thursday wedding and it just petered out early eve as most people still went to work on the Friday. I'd rather have fewer people / a cheaper venue and have a great party than inconvenience all my guests and have everyone lame out because of work the next day.

WinnieTheMe · 02/07/2017 08:48

But it isn't necessarily just 'a few bob' the couple are saving. It could be thousands of pounds.

There was a thread on MN a while ago where the general opinion was that couples who spend beyond their means and go into debt for a wedding, or ask for help from parents, or in other ways splash out on a wedding are complete idiots. The phrase 'you cut your cloth' was used repeatedly. Now this thread is complaining that some couples aren't spending enough.

I despair. There is actually no way of getting married that won't offend some people.

upperlimit · 02/07/2017 08:51

We had a midweek wedding but I was 23 and my DH was 25 and we had hardly any money. It was just a tiny wedding, just family and a small group of friends. I had no idea the inconvenience I caused tbh.

Anyway, we've been married 15 years and no one has complained to my face yet.

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