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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
Loopyloppy · 01/07/2017 22:22

If everyone isn't local a Wednesday wedding means three days off work! Which is fine if you're happy with people not coming but my sil was really vicious about those who didn't go to her wedding.

wellied · 01/07/2017 22:23

*We had a Wednesday wedding, for no reason to do with money at all - the reductions came as a nice surprise once we started planning!

It was the summer holidays though. And we were also young (only just out of uni) so a lot of friends weren't in full time work yet, and most family local.

Only a very few weren't able to come, and everyone had a great time! I'd think twice now though, I reckon, but it wasn't a problem then.*

I could have posted this! Too young to realise it might be difficult, but turns out it wasn't. Wasn't really about saving money but getting the nice local venue we wanted as wanted a fairly short engagement and everywhere is booked up for years on Saturdays.

TheNaze73 · 01/07/2017 22:24

Great for the wallet though

redphonebox · 01/07/2017 22:26

sisterA ooops, I feel a bit mean now. Should have read your post before I wrote mine Blush

I'm being a bit melodramatic. Weekday weddings don't annoy me THAT much really. And everyone's different - actually I'm sure there are plenty of guests who would rather have nicer food or better entertainment than go to a wedding on a Saturday.

In the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. I go to all weddings anyway because the bottom line is I really like weddings. Hope you have a lovely day Smile

MrsHathaway · 01/07/2017 22:29

Friday isn't midweek Confused

Fridays are fine so long as they're late ish eg 4pm so most people can get there on the day. I think the 11am/2pm standard of yore is falling out of fashion nowadays anyway.

Sundays are dreadful unless a BH weekend but I imagine BH weekends are generally extortionate.

If someone got married properly midweek ie Tuesday or Wednesday then I would hope it would be for sentimental reasons such as tenth anniversary of first date or similar in which case lovely lovely (fuck, childcare/school hmm).

If you're doing it to save money then surely it's a further saving if half your guests decline?

Dixiechickonhols · 01/07/2017 22:30

It depends. A small wedding with close family who wont mind taking day off. or wedding where many guests are not in 9-5 jobs. My grandparents married on a tuesday as it was half day closing in the town and they were shop workers and guests were too.

OhhBetty · 01/07/2017 22:32

It would be perfect amongst my friends and family as we're almost all shift workers and work a lot of weekends. I appreciate this probably isn't the norm though!

Emeraude · 01/07/2017 22:40

I got married on a Wednesday in the summer holidays. It just happened to be a day that the register office and reception venue were available, and it was arranged fairly quickly so it was either then or wait a few more months for another school holiday. I teach and a lot of my friends are either teachers, who had the time off, or doctors, who don't have any convenient days. I really couldn't care less about people not being able to come and was quite frankly astounded at the number of people who made it. If you don't like it, don't go! I have turned down invitations of close friends and family members when they have been in term time.

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 01/07/2017 22:42

Friday isn't midweek

The OP mentions weekdays, not specifically midweek.

ifcatscouldtalk · 01/07/2017 22:44

Had a Friday wedding. Worked well as actual wedding was very small, only immediate family and they had loads of notice. The evening reception was full of people ready for the weekend. I went to a Sunday wedding which was a bit of an inconvenience to me as we couldn't stay late but it wasn't about Me and still a lovely occasion. My personal peeve is wedding invites that seem to involve lengthy journeys, overnight stays and you've paid for a mini holiday just to go. In honesty I just politely decline. Those weddings so far have not been to people I'm very close to and I'm skint.Smile.

OlennasWimple · 01/07/2017 22:50

I don't think I'll ever understand the negativity that MN (collectively) has towards weddings.

I love weddings, I think that they are special, joyous occasions. It's not very often that people stand up and declare their love for each other in front of their friends and families. It's a lovely chance to see people that you haven't seen for a long time, and to meet some new friends. I like an opportunity to get dressed up.

I have turned down invitations because I genuinely couldn't attend (we once had four invitations to a wedding on the same day, all scattered around the country, for example), but otherwise I take the view that if the B&G want to invite me to their day, I will try to be there. (And I'll take a present, and I don't mind buying from a gift list or giving cash)

Mid-week weddings need more notice than weekend weddings, but given the long lead in times these days for booking venues, that isn't usually a problem. And it isn't true that teachers can never get the time off: they have to apply for special permission, but if it's a close family member the head will usually sign it off. Ditto school-aged children.

noodlebum · 01/07/2017 22:53

I'm getting married on a weekday during half term (as there's a fair few teachers coming, and a couple of children), tagged onto a bank holiday as well. I don't think it's the end of the world, and am giving out save the dates to daytime invitees a year in advance. Most people are local too. Of course I won't huff and puff if people can't make it, it's understandable and a risk you take. Also we don't really drink so not the end of the world if the place is not still heaving at midnight!

noodlebum · 01/07/2017 22:53

I'm getting married on a weekday during half term (as there's a fair few teachers coming, and a couple of children), tagged onto a bank holiday as well. I don't think it's the end of the world, and am giving out save the dates to daytime invitees a year in advance. Most people are local too. Of course I won't huff and puff if people can't make it, it's understandable and a risk you take. Also we don't really drink so not the end of the world if the place is not still heaving at midnight!

Nessalina · 01/07/2017 23:07

We had a Friday wedding, 70 day guests and 100 for the evening. The venue we wanted was booked up on Saturdays (a year in advance!) and we saved a couple of grand going for an off season Friday.
We resigned ourselves to some friends not being able to make it, but actually we had pretty much everyone we invited there, and Friday night is a good night for a 'do', so we had a bloody good knees up Grin

Rach5l · 01/07/2017 23:17

Im going to one on a Monday soon.
No i think it's fair enough - they are very hard up & have been saving for ages. Im really looking forward to having the day off Smile

RudeDog · 01/07/2017 23:26

I work in a school - our staff wouldn't be allowed to go a midweek wedding

One quit (non teacher) to go to her sons wedding!
I know someone going to her sisters Friday wedding and it's only been allowed as she had already made bookings before she was employed- unpaid leave of course.

Eemamc · 01/07/2017 23:27

We got married on a Tuesday in Cornwall during the summer holidays. I'm a teacher with lots of teacher friends, my husband is a musician with lots of muso friends... for them taking a Saturday off is like losing a week's pay. We accepted that some people wouldn't be able to come but knew our close family would which was the important thing. In the end all bar a handful of those invited couldn't come, and they probably wouldn't have come if it had been down the road tbh! We had an amazing day and an an amazing party in the evening. We provided accommodation for the close family for two nights and most guests made it into a mini break over a few days. A lot of people said it was the best wedding they had ever been to. We simply wouldn't have been able to afford the same wedding on a Saturday, and a lot of my husband's friends wouldn't have been able to come. Definitely no regrets. We also did give all guests 18 months notice if that helps!

KoolKoala07 · 02/07/2017 00:01

I had a Friday wedding. Didn't save us any money.
I work every Saturday so actually Saturday weddings annoy me as I have to take the day off.

PumbletonWakeshaft · 02/07/2017 00:30

Eemamc likewise!

OP, my Friday wedding in Cornwall last summer didn't save us any money. We put up all our guests (18) for 2 nights b&b at the venue, and it was during school holidays. We didn't inconvenience anyone (it was 5* and everyone had plenty of notice, and in fact quite a few guests took extra days off work and had a mini holiday), we did get exactly what we wanted, with the people we wanted, and it was the only way we could do it and not have to wait years for a booking. I wouldn't change a thing.

YABU to assume all non-weekend weddings are arranged by uncaring cheapskates.

Talkingfrog · 02/07/2017 01:16

We got married on a Thursday. We did get a small discount but that wasn't the reason for booking them.

We had an afternoon wedding but to have a Saturday at the venue we wanted we had to finish by 6, or have an evening do for 100+. By having a Thursday we could stay in the suite all evening. There was no entertainment (other than me taking some things for the few children there to play with), so family could spend time chatting and catching up. We then had sandwiches, welsh cakes and drinks about 9 pm.
There were only about 40 guests - mainly family and both our best friends. Only about 10 of the guests were still working (most of the family invited were aunts and uncles that had already retired - we are a big family). As one is a teacher, and my niece then 10 was bridesmaid we booked the wedding for half term. Everyone new in advance and so there were not problems with people being there.

TequilaSunshine · 02/07/2017 01:22

Not RTFT, but yes. Yes they are. We've been invited to an upcoming one of a very close family member that we really want to go to.
With two school age children though, it's not as easy to be able to take them out of school in term time without being fined.
Are taking your kids out for family members weddings accepted or do they go down as unauthorised absence?
As I'm skint and the thought of a £120 fine on top of wedding expenses makes me baulk!
Easy enough when you're child free and don't have to think about this. Went to a wedding on a Wednesday a few years ago pre kids and was easy enough to take the day off work for us both.
With school age kids it's harder though!

scottishdiem · 02/07/2017 01:52

Oh FFS. We have threads on here about how much weddings cost. And then when couples try to do weddings that may be a bit less expensive they are called cheap.

Condescending wankery of the first order here.

(PS Got married on a Saturday)

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 01:53

Reading some of the response - some people are choosing midweek dates in order to prevent having many guests - or only inviting certain people out of duty in the hope they decline the invite

I find this hilarious

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 01:56

when couples try to do weddings that may be a bit less expensive they are called cheap

But it is cheap though, in order to save the bride and groom a few quid, the entire guest list have to take a day off of work (and not everyone gets paid when they don't work)

I'm self employed, if I don't work I don't get paid - but that may have saved someone else money - I cant see how that can NOT look cheap, to be honest.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/07/2017 02:09

A midweek wedding isn't really less expensive, it just moves the costs from the Bride & Groom to the guests.

On average people earn roughly 120 a day. If you have a hundred guests who have to take a day off work, that's a cost of 12,000 that the guests are paying in order to attend.