To want a daughter so very much

[seaotterly]

I have a DS, who is 18 months.

I am desperate for a girl.

It is putting me off TTC another as I would feel so awful as secretly I don't want another son.

I know im being unreasonable

DancesWithOtters I'm sorry that made me spit my tea everywere. I'm in the same boat. My mum was desperate for a girl. We do not get on.

In a kind way, yes you are. What you want is the idea of having a daughter - the fact is if you had one there's a very real chance you wouldn't have the sort of relationship you idealised. What precisely do you want from a daughter that you can't find elsewhere in life?

What is it you feel you can get from a relationship with a daughter but not a son?

Yanbu to want a daughter. Yabu to not want another son. Girls are lovely. There is nothing wrong with really wanting one. But boys are lovely too and to not want a baby if it is a boy is unreasonable to put it mildly. I'm sure if you had another baby and it was a boy you would think he was the best baby ever.

I don't think Yabu for wanting what you want. The posts saying: 'you should only want a healthy baby regardless' will soon descend.

At face value Yanbu.

Same.

My mum expected a lovely little girl who liked shopping, wearing pretty clothes and make up, and reading quietly. Who would have nice friends and a nice social life.

She had me. We have nothing in common.

As you already know yabu, why not explore why you feel this way. What is it you think a DD would do for you?

i don't know

I just feel the mother daughter relationship might be easier than mother son ... not sure though

All children are individuals. Don't fixate on gender.

DM only wanted daughters - I have sons and love them to pieces - my girls are a pain!!

I'll add I'm another who didn't fit my mother's standards of daughterism. She thought she found 'the one' in my next sister, but was so forceful about it, she pushed her away as well.

I just feel the mother daughter relationship might be easier than mother son ... not sure though

I thought that..had my DD who I love dearly, but my god she is hard work..and she's not even 4 yet.

DS is a walk in the park in comparison.

Is this about your relationship with your son not being as good as you hoped?

But actually if you go by typical experiences of women on MN, I'd agree that a daughter would be better - apparently once a son gets a wife thats the end of things - you as a MiL automatically become a witch because you want to see your son and grandchild once a year or whatever.

I have one daughter and one son. My relationship with my son is far less complex than my relationship with my daughter.

So you feel your son is a second rare child? If so, you need to get help. If not then, logically, why would a second boy be seen by you as not as good?

i think there is some truth in that actually Vlad.

• second rate, not second rare

I'm ANOTHER much longed for daughter who has a strained relationship with my mother. She's never liked me. She has freely told me in the past she assumed she'd find me easy to love because I'm female but then didn't.

I have 2 ds and going for a 3rd baby, i hope i have a boy as i have such a messed up childhood from my own mother im not sure how i can have a healthy one with daughter if that makes sense. But if i do have a girl, i will try my hardest to be a good mam and not different to how i am with the boys

I remember being told 'oh girls are so much easier than boys/they occupy themselves so much better/play quietly/less boisterous blah blah

Absolute bollocks in my experience!

It's not really anything to do with playing quietly.

I wish I could explain it.

YANBU sometimes we yearn for something.

I have three boys, I would have loved a daughter and always imagined myself having one. I cried when we found out ds3 was a boy because I was saying goodbye to something I had always imagined. It doesn't mean you love a boy any less or are not happy to be having a healthy baby. I don't really know exactly why I saw myself with a girl, I am not a pink princessy type.