Sunday times article woman who fail at breastfeeding

[daffodil10]

I've just read this article aibu to be so sad that the situation discussed is still happening?

I can completely relate to the author, 14 years ago I was trying my hardest to bf and failed miserably. I had no support, only judgment and criticism. I can't believe that young mums are being given NHS booklets telling them that formula DESTROYS your babies gut when this is not true and only serves to prey on post natally depressed minds.

I was talking to a mum of a two week old baby last night, she was struggling to feed but was terrified of giving formula in case her friends, mil, hv, midwife found out. She couldn't handle the guilt. This is 2017, why is this behaviour by the breast feeding police still allowed????

I agree with the sentiments you've expressed but these threads never end well I'm afraid.

Yorkshapudding. I know exactly what you mean but this made me so sad I had to post

Completely agree. It's absolutely bonkers in the U.K. I live in France and none of this judgement exists fortunately. No pressure to breastfeed and no stress.

Well, indeed.

It shouldn't be, but it's everywhere. Negative messages about formula feeding are everywhere.

Not just POSITIVE ones about breastfeeding, which of course people wouldn't take issue with, but NEGATIVE ones about formula feeding. The negative comments come from every angle, so it's no wonder people feel so guilty when breastfeeding doesn't work for them.

Before, during and after my pregnancy, I was surrounded by breastfeeding culture. Absolutely everywhere. Everyone I knew breastfed.

Over time, I noticed many of those same people being outright nasty about formula feeding, talking about how formula feeding is disgusting, how 'formula milk is poison', how 'if you loved your baby you'd give it the best'...

It's a culture that's everywhere. Perhaps it started with well-meaning individuals looking to promote the benefits of breastfeeding, but it's now swung so far that so many people genuinely believe (and have no problem publicly saying) that formula milk is baby poison fed by uncaring parents.

I was devastated when I had to stop breastfeeding...until I actually fed that first bottle and knew I'd made the right decision. I am fortunate that the difference was so immediately noticeable and worthwhile. Many others struggle with their guilt for so much longer, surrounded by hateful messages.

I'm so sad women feel a terrible pressure to breastfeed and feel guilty if it doesn't work out, as it doesn't reflect my experience at all. I've got two DC (born 2014 and 2017) and feeding was only mentioned briefly at the booking appointment each time. Some
women on the post natal ward bottle-fed, and the midwives were helping them with teats and bottles etc. Women should be supported in either choice they make, not criticised and made to feel like a bad parent for formula feeding.

However, I do know of a couple of my friends who have been criticised by family for choosing to bf, as they hadn't wanted to go on nights out/weekends away. One friend didn't like to talk to her family about how tired she was as they were telling her it was her own fault for breastfeeding her baby at night - she had no support at all from them.

When I was having trouble with breastfeeding and went to see a lactation consultant, the first question she asked me was whether I wanted to breastfeed? Or was there someone else (eg partner, parent) who wanted me to breastfeed? Only when she'd established that it was definitely what I personally wanted to do did we go further.

Breastfeeding is just another stick to beat women with, whether you do it or don't do it there will always be someone who thinks it's their business and that you're doing the wrong thing. Makes me so angry.

There are IMO and IME far more negative messages about BFing than there are about FFing.
And we are very lucky that we live in circumstances in which we can safely FF if we so wish.
There is no doubt in my mind that BFing needs to be MORE normalised rather than forced or women pressured to do it. It should be the norm but as it can be difficult and time consuming and does not allow the mother to 'go back to normal' quickly, is is hard, v hard.
I hated BFing most of the time and only sheer bloody mindedness allowed me to finally succeed with DC3.

I think anybody feeling guilty about FFing has been rather poorly informed or is misreading the information given. The example given regarding gut flora is correct but amazingly the human body is able to correct a less than ideal start.

There needs to be MORE support for BFing, not less. The problem is that the quick support at 3am when baby won't latch and mum is frazzled is just not available.
Pressure we don't need - there's enough on women in general and on mother in particular IMO and IME.

Pacific !!!!!!!!' You've just done it again why imply that ff is a less than ideal start. This is exactly what I'm talking about your demonising ff by saying that😡

Wow, best thing that ever happened was dd deciding she prefer ff than bf.

I breastfed both of mine to 5-6 months and wish I hadn't bothered. I wish I hasn't fallen for the breast is best stuff and done what was best for my life instead.

It IS less than ideal.

I truly don't understand why that is perceived as 'demonising' anything

Fling is perfectly safe in the West with a reliable supply of formula, clean water, facilities to wash and keep equipment clean.
But it is not and cannot be the same as BFing.

That does NOT mean that it does individual children any harm, but we should not kid ourselves that FFing = BFing.

As I said above, I have FF, BF and mix-fed. I have no axe to grind.
I have 'failed' at BFing plenty - I just don't see it as a 'failure'. At the time I tried as hard as i could while not really understanding what BFing actually (in my case) took: time. I had to understand that if I wanted to do it I had to sit on my bum and do nothing but be available to feed on demand. That is what it took and that is what I did with DS3 and DS4.

I really don't care what anybody else did/does.
Fact seems to be though that many, many women do not end of BFing as long as they would have liked, and that is a shame.

I have never heard anybody saying anything negative about BF. FF, on the other hand, gets constant criticism and for some reason people deny it happens.

daffodil because it's an inconvenient truth that in almost all circumstances BF is better for the baby (and usually mother) than FF?

I ended up not being able to BF my daughter as I had to go back on my medication after she was born (barely managed the pregnancy without it) and I felt like shit giving her a bottle. I think it was more because I felt like I failed rather than anyone else judging me

I bf my first baby and hated every minute of it for the six months I fed him. I ff the others and it was a much happier experience by far. I made it clear at the booking appointment that I was ff and didn't want to hear any of the arguments for bf as I had made my choice. I think I was asked twice after birth whether I didn't want to have a go as I had fed ds1. I just repeated I had made my choice and wouldn't be changing my mind.
Mine are mostly adults now and there is no real discernible difference between them, if anything ds1 isn't as clever and suffers more ill health than the ff ones (but I would never surmise that that was down to bf)

Supersoary. People deny it and also seem to think that it's ok to tell mothers they are failing their babies to the point that it pushes them towards pnd.

100% agree, the guilt I felt with stopping made me not enjoy the first few weeks with my baby. It was so real to me at the time, but a few months later I could see how much happier we both were with FF.

I had major issues in the first few days and the baby wasn't getting anything out of me. I was producing colostrum but the milk hadn't come in and she was giving up on the nipple because she couldn't draw anything out of me.

The advice I got (in DK), was to tell me to supplement with formula and pump what I could to build up supply. Nipple shields allowed the baby to latch. After a few weeks of combo feeding, I was able to switch over to exclusive breastfeeding.

This should have been non-remarkable. I was using the tools available to me to get to the outcome I wanted for my child, whilst making sure she had enough to eat. Instead, I felt like a massive failure and a monster for resorting to formula at all.

The books I had about bf, which I turned to for help with getting the latch right, all had chapters about how formula was basically baby poison.

I felt like total shit. It's hard enough in those early weeks with the hormone swings and lack of sleep. I really could have done without feeling like I was hurting my newborn just by giving her food.

My sister in law lied to her hv. Said baby was being bf when she was formula fed because of this attitude. It's ridiculous.

I had no help and ended up ff because - well, what could I do? The baby needed to eat! I wasn't made to feel guilty about it but I was annoyed as it was something I really wanted to do.

I agree 100%. My ff daughter is now at school and you honestly couldn't tell who was ff and who was bf (and nor does anyone care. I certainly don't!) She is one of the tallest, and one of the smartest - if not the smartest in her class (I would say that obviously!!). She hasn't had a single day off school this year so far with sickness. She is a single instance, but I really wish I hadn't felt so darned guilty that I ff her. And I do struggle to understand what is so much better about bf when she is doing so well.

'because it's an inconvenient truth that in almost all circumstances BF is better for the baby (and usually mother) than FF'

Lots of things are 'better' for dc depending which research you read. Not going to nursery full time from 6 months old etc. The point is it doesn't matter at all if the alternative that the parent chooses is an acceptable and safe choice.

I tried very hard to BF, and there was nothing there for baby! Two hours on the pump produced blood. So we resorted to the bottle to avoid starvation on day three, there being no wet nurse option. Sometimes, it's necessary to use formula.

I dunno, when I was pregnant with mine I was surrounded by midwives etc telling me that it was really hard BF, I should have formula in the house just in case, BF babies never sleep etc.

People raised eyebrows at my feeding, especially in public, it was like people thought I thought I was better than other people. That I was martyring myself. Took great pleasure in telling me how they couldn't possibly as they had far too exciting lives to BF, that it made no difference etc etc.

BF needs to stop being portrayed in many of the ways it is. It is the biological norm, and in the majority of cases it is the best way of feeding a baby. That's just how it is, however others feel about it.

Formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative in the majority of cases, and certainly isn't akin to poison.