Sunday times article woman who fail at breastfeeding

[daffodil10]

I've just read this article aibu to be so sad that the situation discussed is still happening?

I can completely relate to the author, 14 years ago I was trying my hardest to bf and failed miserably. I had no support, only judgment and criticism. I can't believe that young mums are being given NHS booklets telling them that formula DESTROYS your babies gut when this is not true and only serves to prey on post natally depressed minds.

I was talking to a mum of a two week old baby last night, she was struggling to feed but was terrified of giving formula in case her friends, mil, hv, midwife found out. She couldn't handle the guilt. This is 2017, why is this behaviour by the breast feeding police still allowed????

During pregnancy I was bombarded with BF pressure from NCT/midwives and generally from social media etc I felt. I really really tried but I couldn't make enough milk and finally at 7 months I quit and did full formula feeding. I was angry at myself and frustrated- but mostly because I'd allowed others expectations to dictate a significant part of my relationship with DD. It's up to each parent how they feed their child- so long as baby is healthy, who cares? It's so sad that mums suffer - pregnancy and birthing is hard enough?!?

Oh Pacific it is this kind of passive aggressive stuff that winds me right up. The little throwaway line about FF being a "less than ideal start". How do you think that makes a new mother feel who is trying and failing to breastfeed?

i struggled so badly to BF that at 6 weeks DD weighed less than her birth weight and had to go back to hospital. Despite that every professional I saw in those 6 weeks, from HVs to midwives to the breastfeeding clinics where I went almost every sodding day, told me it was all fine and under no circumstances to give her formula. It was insane. So was that an ideal start?

DS on the other hand BF beautifully from the start so I'm not against it in any way. Women just need to be told that what's important is that a baby gets fed. The method of delivery is the least important thing about it.

And obviously this is anecdotal and based on a sample of 2 but both my kids have the same severe eczema, so the idea that BF protects you from things like that certainly isn't true in my case.

Breastfeeding is just another stick the patriarchy use to oppress women

Agree with this^^ too. I got glared at for bfing in public and glared at for ffing in public too. You just can't win as a mother. Patriarchal bullshit at its finest.

I'm the only breastfeeding mother at 2 of the toddler groups I go to.im always getting comments and looks.
I feel unable to complain about poor sleep or the difficulty I have in managing 3 young children because it's a "rod for my own back" due to breastfeeding.

Even on here when I started a thread about being tired poster after poster suggested stopping breastfeeding so DS eats better or sleeps better. He's only 10 months

I would feel ashamed if anyone knew I breastfed dd1 to age 4.5, or that dd2 self weaned aged 2.5 because round here that's weird and creepy. Let alone admitting I tandem fed them!

I see the formula or bf bashing more as something we all have in common. It's women bashing, shaming us whatever we do. It's not right.

It isn't the same as smoking,alcohol or even diet.

A bottle of formula is nothing like cigarettes,alcohol or a diet filled with sugar and fat. All of these can kill you,formula can't.

It's shitty comments like the above that are so wrong.

Louhotel you obviously haven't read the original article then as that gives evidence of the comments made to a mother about formula and the effects that this had on her. Just because you don't know anyone, you seem to imply it's not happening?

youredeluded

If Breastfeeding is best for babies. Much better than formula. is true, why was it that my exclusively breastfed 5 day old baby ended up being admitted through A&E and being tube fed formula through a gastro-nasal feeding tube, as a direct result of the miraculous, all natural, exclusive breastfeeding I was imposing on her?

Guess what? No milk! My milk didn't come in until day 6 - my 8lb9oz at birth DD was losing weight at an alarming weight, was jaundiced, too sleepy to feed and doing almost no wet nappies. THAT was the marvel of wonderful breastfeeding 'baby doesn't need anything else' bullshit. Thank fuck for second rate formula I say.

I see the formula or bf bashing more as something we all have in common. It's women bashing, shaming us whatever we do. It's not right.

I feel like cheering this^^! So true.

youaredeluded - thanks for that, it's very timely as an example of the exact judgemental bullshit people are talking about. A bottle of formula is not the same as a cigarette or a bottle of tequila. There is post after post on this thread of women explaining why they had to FF - medical and psychological reasons - and you come along and judge everyone with your fuckwittery about the "correct choices". Slow hand clap for you.

Rae yes! This!

People formula feed for so many different reasons. In my case, because DD wouldn't latch for more than a couple of minutes to start with, then once she did latch she'd feed for 12 hours non stop, despite this she dropped huge amounts of weight, had jaundice which took weeks to get better, she got thrush, I got mastitis, I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation.

People don't just decide to formula feed because having weighed up the options in an objective manner they've decided actually they don't want what's best for their baby, thanks all the same.

@babyhamster yes this! Lots of 'unnatural' interventions are need to help babies survive. That's why less developed countries have lower survival rates. Hundreds of years ago if you couldn't breast feed or supply enough milk then your baby died. This is not a new phenomenon. Now we have a solution.
I have an emcs and would not have a baby now without it. I true to bf and the support was otherwise excellent midwives telling me how I was doing it wrong. I was in hospital for 3 days and he latched once. No one could say why or how I could improve it but that I mustn't pump or use formula. However the mums who had said they would be bottle feeding from the start were fully supported in it.
Breast feeding is natural and good for you and your baby. I imagine a six inch slash in my stomach isn't ideal but it still happened in order to keep my son alive.

I still credit my complete ignorance on babies to successful breastfeeding.

I did not realise milk "came in". So there was no worries that it hadn't/might not.

I thought feeding constantly was normal- i had no idea about routines or 3 hourly feeds. I had this baby i had no clue what to do with, nappy seemed clean, but it wasn't asleep, so i fed it. A lot.

I had no idea about latch. I didn't bother unlatching most of the time as i didn't like the sensation, so dc stayed there pretty constantly. Didn't get sore nipples.

I had no idea what i was "supposed" to do. Fortunately by the time my mum came to visit after two weeks and started with the are you sure you have enough milk? He can't need feeding again, how do you know your milk is rich enough? Formula is more hygenic, and you'll know when they've had enough, he should be sleeping through, you might not have enough milk, i think you need to see a dr, his poo isn't supposed to be that runny, it might be your milk upsetting his stomach- i had enough confidence to ignore it.

Personally i think they should stop giving the advice to the pregnant and start giving it out to their friends and relatives. If more people understood it they could help rather than question bf constantly, and rates would increase.

I had the guilt and pressure when people saw me bottle feeding in public. I got the comments of "oh you're not feeding her yourself then?" It got so bad in the early days I didn't want to go out.

I couldn't breastfeed as my milk never came in after losing over 6.5 pints of blood giving birth. I had literally nothing. I tried latching for days and all I had was a screaming hungry baby as nothing was coming out bit even colostrum. Luckily my midwives were amazing and calmly said I should think about a bottle now as nothing was working (they had all had a go at hand pumping my boobs and used the industrial breast pump at the hospital to no avail). She's now 5 months old and still not a drop has come from my boobs. Obviously I had long ago had to choose to ff.

Please don't feed shame or woman shame people. It's a sensitive time for mum's and we just want to do what we feel is the best for our babies and us.

I'm a strong advocate for 'breast isn't always best'.. There does seems to be a lot of judgement upon mothers who FF.

Personally i think they should stop giving the advice to the pregnant and start giving it out to their friends and relatives. If more people understood it they could help rather than question bf constantly, and rates would increase.

I agree with that.

There's a lot of judgement on mothers. Full stop.

I live in the US and even though I'm in a town which is affluent where most mothers BF it's just not something talked about between women in a negative way. We have a weekly baby group led by a lactation consultant and midwife and they help all new mothers.

We went back to England when DD1 was 6 weeks old and I had complete strangers making comments to me in public. It was wierd and I was happy to leave!

I had a really tough time with BF and FF worked better for my mental health. I see BF and FF being about choice and both are valid choices for a mother to make about her child. Everyone else needs to support the choice made.

Good grief!

I had babies in 1989/1991/1999+2

My nieces had babies in 2010/11/15 and my dil had a baby in 2016!

To my knowledge no one cared a flying fuck how they fed or if it was BF or FF?

I find it utterly bizarre that any adult womam would allow amy other adult man or woman to comment/dictate or opinionated on whether they give their baby milk from their boobs or a bottle!

What have we come to that anyone cares how anyone else feeds their baby and I actually only see this angst on mumsnet not in RL.

I am a qualified nurse and none cared when I was nursing in the 90s.

Shut people down who dare comment but seriously who actually does? BIzarre.

If they do tell them to mind their fucking businsss and move on.

There's only judgment if you care and if you allow it to make you care?

Er don't!

I would recommend this article: www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25629934
I stumbled across it when i was feeling low about failing to breastfeed my baby, and it helped put things in a different perspective for me.

And stop reading crap newspapers who just need to sell for copy!

The times is the posh response to the sun.

Both utter bollockd

For those scared to click on a random link, it will take you to a news story that discusses how, throughout the ages, there have been women who have breastfed, and those, for a variety of reasons, that have not. Not breastfeeding is not a new thing.

i would reccomend this article

No I would reccomend doing what suits you and stop reading other people's experiences. Far more healthy

waitforit it's great that you have the confidence to shrug off any judgement. It's really not as easy though as saying "get over it and don't let it affect you" to women! Not everyone is fortunate to be as resilient as you. It might be better to think about how to improve women's resilience around this issue, rather than just demand that they do so!

They give you such a hard time about not breastfeeding but give you fuck all help to breastfeed