Sunday times article woman who fail at breastfeeding

[daffodil10]

I've just read this article aibu to be so sad that the situation discussed is still happening?

I can completely relate to the author, 14 years ago I was trying my hardest to bf and failed miserably. I had no support, only judgment and criticism. I can't believe that young mums are being given NHS booklets telling them that formula DESTROYS your babies gut when this is not true and only serves to prey on post natally depressed minds.

I was talking to a mum of a two week old baby last night, she was struggling to feed but was terrified of giving formula in case her friends, mil, hv, midwife found out. She couldn't handle the guilt. This is 2017, why is this behaviour by the breast feeding police still allowed????

Tallulahoola Is it though? Can someone post a link to the evidence on this! Or is it that breastfed babies have better outcomes and mums who breastfeed have better long term physical health? Because they are two very different things and do not necessarily imply a causal link.

Some confirmed proven benefits to mother:

• BF helps with contraction of the uterus after delivery
• women at higher risk of breast/ovarian cancer (carrying the BRCA gene) have reduced risk of developing cancer when they breastfeed for 6-12 months
• in many women has a contraceptive effect contributing towards a healthy spacing between children allowing the body to heal after birth
• in many women contributes to post-birth weight loss as burns 500 calories a day through milk production

This information is not posted to make anyone feel bad about having FF, it is in response to the question about what evidence there is that BF has health benefits to mothers who choose/can do it.

I found it amazing that when I presented my new born to the world practically everyone asked are you breast feeding? Why? Just why? What's it to you and whys it your business? I don't get the obsession and self righteous judgey behaviour - same goes for the women who manage child birth with just gas and air, that's great, so pleased you had a good experience but I'm not gonna give you a fucking medal because it nearly bloody killed me and I don't need you make me feel even worse!! (Sorry for the rant!!)

Decaf I feel like you didn't read my post. I'm not saying anything about a 'natural' birth being better - what I wanted was a birth in which I participated to some extent, even to the point of having actually gone into labour. I'm not dewy-eyed about vaginal birth, I had read up on everything that can go wrong, even routinely like tears etc and was nervous about it, but to just have things done to me for days and then be given a baby I hadn't even seen or felt be born was a massive disconnect. It had nothing to do with 'the patriarchy'. It was to do with me and my baby.

And I said very clearly it may have been different for your friend. I gave you my story to point out just because it was about that for your friend (or you think it was) there is more to it than that for a lot of women.

And I didn't feel bloody validated, I don't need anyone to validate me. I felt it reconnected me to my baby, who I had felt do close to in the 9months of pregnancy and so far from during my horrible disemoowering induction and birth.

I did read your post. No need to get confrontational.

Of course you are different to my friend and that you feel your motivations for wishing to bf have nothing to do with society / patriarchy and are completely separate to other people's opinions on bfing and the natural ideal. I was saying, jolly good for you! That, sadly, isn't the case for many women. Just because you are resilient enough to separate your own feelings from this natural ideal, doesn't mean the pressure to live up to that ideal does not exist. This is what I was trying to illustrate by telling you about the issues my friend had.

I don't know the first thing about you personally lela, apart from what you have chosen to share on this thread. I would never presume to tell you what your motives were for wishing to bf.

And you do know that my initial comment on the subject of cs/ vaginal births and the natural ideal was in response to hamster? I was making a general comment on the pressure on women to live up to certain ideals and expectations. You were the one who waded in with your assertion that "Decaf I have to disagree with you that the feeling of loss after a failed induction or an unplanned CS is the fault of "the patriarchy".

You made my comment about you, not me and made a general assertion that it is not (what never?) about the patriarchy, based only on your personal experience. And then you accuse me of not reading properly? A little rich.

Fair dos. I'll bow out now then.

I was so glad when the milk feeding shit was over. The one massive upside of owning a toddler.

It bugs me that we can't work out maternity returns to work, work/life balances, help when women want to return to the workplace after time as a SAHM etc but we can get shitty as hell with each other about MILK FEEDING. FFS.

Also I was at the fattest I have ever been when bf-ing dc2. Gave me the appetite of a horse. That weight loss 'pro' can do one.

Isee, you aren't getting it. At all. Please try harder. If you just tried harder, you would succeed

If you said that to someone in real life you might need a trip to the dentist afterwards. PLEASE tell me that's not how you talk to people face to face. If it is, I'm worried for your safety!

It's how mw and hv spoke to me when I was struggling with bf. It is a hideous way to talk to anybody and I think many those who have suffered the same grisly "care", knew what I was referring to.
Sadly, I was too poorly to give the "hcps" in question the punch in the mouth you refer to.

The solution is to make sure that all women feel empowered and feisty (just to the same level as most men!) to say 'F*ck off, strange women I have let into my house, quit bossing me around, the door is this way'.

It so is a feminist issue and an example of our patriarchal behaviour.

We pray on new mums (in our society) because we can. They are vulnerable.

For what it's worth, when I eventually had the courage to complain, three years and some dreadful health problems later (including corrective surgery), I was told "oh we don't do it like that anymore ".
Too late for me to find out because I'm now in my 50s.
I used to kick ass and stand up for myself all the time.

This was 10 years ago , not 1952 ffs

in many women contributes to post-birth weight loss as burns 500 calories a day through milk production

When I told the midwife the regime of feeding-expressing-top ups she had put us on was unsustainable - taking 2 hours 50 minutes and meant to happen every 3 hours - this suddenly went up to 800 calories a day... 🤔 I do blame a patriarchal society for the apparent belief that being thin was my ultimate goal in the whole sorry shambles and the stick to beat me with.

I loved breastfeeding, some of the nicest, closest most wonderful times of my life which accept is not everyone's experience. We have one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in Europe in the UK and some of hte best material leave provision so whatever propaganda allegedly being done for breastfeeding it is failing utterly.

whatever propaganda allegedly being done for breastfeeding it is failing utterly

And, as far as I can see, will continue to fail for as long as it is continues to adopt the 'easy and natural' rhetoric rather than one of breastfeeding being a skill which must be learnt and worked at.

And you're not a bloody failure if it doesn't work out.