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Original poster

Men trying to encourage sex after just two dates. This cant be normal surely

137 replies

user1498221998 · 24/06/2017 09:46

I am sure not all men are like this but the last few men that have asked me out have been. The first date has gone really well. Maybe a kiss at the doorstep but then by the second date they want to come to your home to have sex.
I mean, they're not as obvious as that but when they drop me off at my house their hands are all over me and then they will suggest we go inside or they will try and get me to come to their house for a 'drink' after I've known them literally two dates.

I'd not even get in a car with a guy I'd known for two dates never mind have him in my house or him come to mine!

My ex was never like this. We had normal dates and then I stayed over at his after 3 months! Maybe this is altering my idea of what is normal but I really am shocked by how many men seem to expect sex so quickly.

Is this a sign these men ONLY want sex. Or is this the done thing nowadays?

OP posts:
Foslady · 24/06/2017 09:50

I got a cockshot and a text saying 'I don't want to go home tomorrow night' before a first date once.....

I think they think you're desperate....

HungerOfThePine · 24/06/2017 09:57

It's pretty normal for some to have sex early on in the dating scene,it can be just because there is an opportunity to do so, that they like you or both.

You prefer to wait which is good for you and means you can bin off the opportunists early on.

I wouldn't be allowing doorsteps drop offs for the end of the dates as not only do you not know them and they now know where you live, They will try their luck as your home is your private and personal space.

Saying that I'm the have sex early type.Grin

Gwenhwyfar · 24/06/2017 10:03

Unfortunately, I think this is the norm now. It's the main reason why I don't do dating.

x2boys · 24/06/2017 10:05

my husband was a one night stand having said that if your not ready for sex make it clear its not on the agenda,i dont think having sex after two dates is a bad thing but only if you both want to.

RestlessTraveller · 24/06/2017 10:12

Whether you have sex on your first, second or 55th date is entirely up to you, but judging people who do it differently is a dick-ish thing to do.

I've had sex on the first date and one night stands. Two constant adults
Having a good time is all it is.

GrumpyOldBag · 24/06/2017 10:14

I had sex with DH the first time I met him. That was 20 years & 2 teenagers ago.

OccasionalNachos · 24/06/2017 10:16

It's fine if it's not for you - I applaud your ability to wait three months! If I was seeing someone gorgeous who I really liked then I would probably explode after that long.

There are men who would be happy to wait a bit longer, just maybe not the ones doing OLD, particularly Tinder etc. Relationship-focused OLD like Match might be better.

wobblywonderwoman · 24/06/2017 10:22

I would just say to them that you're not into the whole casual sex thing - I dated for a long while with lots of different men and was never afraid to let them know (unless I wanted to)

onesupplied · 24/06/2017 10:22

I think you've just met the wrong ones... there are loads of men out there like this BUT not all. I met my ex and the guy I'm currently seeing on Tinder and; ex: waited 6 weeks or so but no pressure at any point; currently guy: two dates but haven't even mentioned sex really.

Keep looking and you will find one!

This won't be a popular opinion but I do think that generally and especially with Tinder, if you have sex too early it can set a precedent that that's all the relationship is. I have experienced that and now if I see a future with the guy, I wait.

Nousernameforme · 24/06/2017 10:24

Myself personally, I've always wanted to have sex early on then you know if you are physically compatible. After one or two dates it's easier to knock things on the head cause it didn't work then it is throwing away three months of your life.

Trollspoopglitter · 24/06/2017 10:26

The three date rule has been around for decades Confused

LurkerMortificado · 24/06/2017 10:29

I've had sex on the first date, but at the same time now I'm a mom I want to wait longer. (My choice, no judgement). If you are wanting to wait I think you need to make this clear when you are talking before the date. Also letting them walk you home and kiss on the doorstep is a definite signal that you might well be up for more round here so it might be worth ending the date away from your house, get a taxi home so you have an excuse to leave them at wherever you've met if you feel uncomfortable explaining this. A guy who isn't just in it for sex will take you're cues and carry on talking to you/ seeing you even if no sex is on the cards, but the same guy might take you're letting him as far as your front door as a mixed signal and think you are up for more, doesn't mean it is all he wants.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 24/06/2017 10:30

I've started dating 30 years ago, and it's been ever thus. I have loose morals though.

Backingvocals · 24/06/2017 10:31

Letting someone walk you home is a sign?

Guavaf1sh · 24/06/2017 10:35

It's traditionally on the third date so doing it on the second instead doesn't exactly herald a collapse of western civilisation

Lucysky2017 · 24/06/2017 10:35

It has always been like this since the dawn of time.... that does not mean you have to agree. Also always meet in a public place and do not get in cars until you know all about each other.

I would not let people walk you home in most areas in cities to be honest as that might increase expectations.

HmmOkay · 24/06/2017 10:36

It is up to you.

Your OP is a bit confusing though. If you won't even get in a car with a guy you've seen twice then how come they are grabbing you in the car at the end of the second date when they are dropping you home?

Or kissing you on the doorstep at the end of the first date?

I don't think it is a good idea to even allow someone to know where you live if you hardly know them.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 24/06/2017 10:36

If you are wanting to wait I think you need to make this clear when you are talking before the date.

Really..? Confused Why would you do that?

Evewasinnocent · 24/06/2017 10:36

Another who had sex with DH on the night we first time met (at a party) - 10 days later we were living together (and have been now for 34 years) - its entirely your choice (as it was mine) when you want to have sex with someone. Like others I always liked to have sex early on in a relationship - i.e. hours of initial attraction - if the sex is no good then you can dump them quickly - and at least got a shag and hopefully a good licking! Thinking that might not be your POV - fair enough - horses for course or whatever!

TipTopTipTopClop · 24/06/2017 10:39

This was pretty much the way it was back when I was a young lady in the 90s, as I recall.

In my experience, men are generally up for sex if they're on a date. Twas ever thus.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/06/2017 10:47

In all honesty, I would have slept with DP on the second date - the only thing that stopped me was that I was living with a housemate! We slept together on the third date. We're both women. I think it's not really about gender, it's just about how you feel about that person and about sex. If you're not keen on sex on the second date, that is totally fine - but I don't think it's strange that some men you date would like the idea.

PossumInAPearTree · 24/06/2017 10:50

Normal seems to be cockshots before even meeting!

Applesandpears23 · 24/06/2017 10:52

I would have slept with my partner the day I met him if circumstances had permitted. I did at the first opportunity.

burnoutbabe · 24/06/2017 10:54

i think the issue more is that tons of guys will happily not want to date you again, but would be wanting sex anyway at the end of the date.

And you don't know that going into it, so its more of a case of "are you happy to have sex and know there is a 50/50 chance you will never see them again afterwards".

MouseholeCat · 24/06/2017 10:56

Yeh this is how it was back when I was still dating. The problem for me wasn't the early sex, more the pressure they tried to exert, and a couple of times they'd disappear straight after.

Met DH 5 years ago. He was the first guy who didn't try to push it and we just seemed to be on the same wavelength. The sex progression felt natural with no pressure involved about 6 weeks after we met.