Men trying to encourage sex after just two dates. This cant be normal surely

[user1498221998]

I am sure not all men are like this but the last few men that have asked me out have been. The first date has gone really well. Maybe a kiss at the doorstep but then by the second date they want to come to your home to have sex.
I mean, they're not as obvious as that but when they drop me off at my house their hands are all over me and then they will suggest we go inside or they will try and get me to come to their house for a 'drink' after I've known them literally two dates.

I'd not even get in a car with a guy I'd known for two dates never mind have him in my house or him come to mine!

My ex was never like this. We had normal dates and then I stayed over at his after 3 months! Maybe this is altering my idea of what is normal but I really am shocked by how many men seem to expect sex so quickly.

Is this a sign these men ONLY want sex. Or is this the done thing nowadays?

I think lots of men are like that, but there are some decent men who will wait. From my experience, waiting makes it so much better because you have that emotional connection and love. Don't compromise your standards OP.

VHS and chill

If you must have rules, you must also be aware of what rules other people might have.

It's really easier not to have rules.

Each to their own. Everyone is different. Not such a crime to have sex on a first date.. Its more of a new age modern stereotype to assume it's really bad to have sex on a first date. Me and dp met as a one night stand and are together years and completely in love. It did us no harm..

Totally normal imo.

Guys want it right away. One even asked me if he could stay over before we'd even met.

Not a chance.

I don't think anything has changed since I last dated 30 years ago. I can't imagine waiting , if you both like each other, why wait? Actually, I did string it out a bit once and we were totally incompatible in bed so that was a waste of time.

Nothing's changed, some people want to wait others don't ,neither is wrong.

Certainly wouldn't be inviting blokes back or having them walk me home though OP.

Wait, how is now being married to someone equal to a one night stand? One night stands are... one night. That's a different thing from having sex on a first date and then continuing to see each other.

I don't understand why people are getting so offended and defensive. Chill out.
Hands all over you when you don't want it isn't nice I agree op. Men need to learn to read obvious signals rather than just try their luck. TBH I wouldn't want anything to do with a man who thought he could just grab me.

Married before the Internet dating thing so probably means I am clueless but from a mans perspective generally the easier and earlier it was to get sex the less interested I was in a long term thing. My wife made me wait a year - however that probably constituted about 10 weekends together as we were in a very long distance relationship. What made me keep interest was that she wasn't easy... nothing wrong with a one night stand when single , but does nothing for me when considering a long term relationship..

Married before the Internet dating thing so probably means I am clueless but from a mans perspective generally the easier and earlier it was to get sex the less interested I was in a long term thing.

I suspect your partners probably felt the same. Win win.

A lot of people keep talking about how it's OK to have sex on the first date. Well, yes, it is - if that's what both parties want. What the OP seems to have specifically experienced (and I have too) is men expecting sex and not reacting well when told that it's not happening so soon. That isn't ever OK. No one is owed sex.

If someone doesn't want to sleep with you, it is not acceptable to get nasty. Either you decide you're not compatible, or you agree to wait until the other person feels comfortable. You shouldn't pressure them and or say horrible things. I repeat, no one is owed sex. A lot of men these days seem to think they are owed sex on the third date at the latest.

Fortnum, I would unpick very carefully what that tells you about your attitude to women, 'easy', or otherwise. Because the idea that sex is something women withhold and men try to get but will then not 'respect' the 'easy' woman, despite they fact they presumably also wanted to have sex, is (a) about as current as the dinosaurs and (b) misogynistic.

Easy?

I'm actually surprised Fortnum can type, with such tiny arms. But that's by the by.

I think the situation has changed and people did wait longer years ago, or at least if you did want to wait, it wasn't considered unusual.

Fortnum you wouldn't have liked me then! Just as well my lovely fiance is a slightly more enlightened man. First date for us five times oh those were the days

Fortnum I bet it was an effort to lift your knuckles off the ground to type that!

I'm probably the same generation as Fortnum and there were men who thought like that when we were younger, they were different times. To deny men had that attitude however wrong it may be is to deny those times. Don't forget our parents were brought up in the forties and fifties and the accepted moral code was very different.

There was a girl in my Mothers home town who had a child out of wedlock, she was totally shunned in the street. My Mother was not allowed to talk to her. Unmarried Mothers were still forced to give their dc up for adoption and Mothers and Baby homes existed right up till the seventies. Sex out of wedlock was a very risky business till the pill. Did you know that unmarried Mothers were sometimes put in to mental asylums previous to this? Now in those times my Grandmother would have been a very young girl.

You may all despise his attitude I certainly do but it was a relatively common attitude. Personally I'm glad it's changed.

"I think the situation has changed and people did wait longer years ago, or at least if you did want to wait, it wasn't considered unusual."

Look at the 90s Cold Feet series. The main couple waited a month or two then John Thompson's character went out with the nanny for a while without having sex.

"I would be expecting sex on date 2 onwards, in most cases. If I didn't, there wouldn't even be a second date."

Are you saying you'd dump somebody if they didn't put out on the second date? Or that if you yourself don't want to have sex on a second date, that means you don't fancy them?

"If it were me I'd mention either in my profile or when emailing that sex is something I want to be Ina relationship for."

Because it's so odd not to want to have casual sex when you're looking for a relationship?? That's so depressing.

"I'd assumed someone wasn't interested if the wouldn't have sex with me."

Why? Being interested in someone doesn't mean constantly sexually available, does it?

Just have sex when you both want to, surely? If one wants it before the other, wait or move on.
Agree it's pressure and ignoring signals that's the problem here.

Are you saying you'd dump somebody if they didn't put out on the second date? Or that if you yourself don't want to have sex on a second date, that means you don't fancy them?

The second one. It doesn't mean I will have sex with them (obviously), but if I don't fancy them it's a non-starter.

Because it's so odd not to want to have casual sex when you're looking for a relationship?? That's so depressing.

It's sensible to say upfront what you do or do not want. Many profiles say things like 'Not interested in casual sex or one night stands.'

I generally know by the second date whether I want to have sex with them. Not to say it happens on date 2 I'm a date 3 kind of girl but if I don't fancy them on date 2 there probably won't be a date 3. Maybe I'm shallow? It just seems a bit pointless if I don't have any desire to take it further.