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Original poster

Men trying to encourage sex after just two dates. This cant be normal surely

137 replies

user1498221998 · 24/06/2017 09:46

I am sure not all men are like this but the last few men that have asked me out have been. The first date has gone really well. Maybe a kiss at the doorstep but then by the second date they want to come to your home to have sex.
I mean, they're not as obvious as that but when they drop me off at my house their hands are all over me and then they will suggest we go inside or they will try and get me to come to their house for a 'drink' after I've known them literally two dates.

I'd not even get in a car with a guy I'd known for two dates never mind have him in my house or him come to mine!

My ex was never like this. We had normal dates and then I stayed over at his after 3 months! Maybe this is altering my idea of what is normal but I really am shocked by how many men seem to expect sex so quickly.

Is this a sign these men ONLY want sex. Or is this the done thing nowadays?

OP posts:
coconuttella · 24/06/2017 14:07

Surely, a man can tell whether a woman wants to have sex with him. Like, having her hands all over his body would be a sign ... I think it is pretty clear from the post that OP was pressured. It is the men who have their hands all over her

Double standards here surely! Confused

Joey7t8 · 24/06/2017 14:54

My partner of 7 years and I had first date sex. The attraction levels were high and we couldn't wait to get each other's pants off, so why not make the most of it?

MistressDeeCee · 24/06/2017 15:18

A lot of men nowadays seem to think minimum effort will get them a shag. Sometimes I wonder if its partly to do with sex being discussed more freely via internet. The number of dickheads on FB Ive noticed 'casually' start a topic about sex/relationships, then loads of women who dont even know him piling in with 'oh I do/would do this or that' intimate details. These guys are searching for 'victims'/easy sex as far as Im concerned.

Not throwing blame on women btw, just saying what Ive seen a few times. Also the 'its a chocolate box' mentality of some men towards internet dating..if you dont put out someone else will kind of thing. The numbers game.

Last 'memorable' date before meeting OH - guy arranges date says he'll pick me up end of my road. He then calls on way "what would you like me to bring you to drink? Me: errmm why would you bring me a drink when we're going out?! Him: Well I've work in the morning so dont want to go for meal or to a bar or anything like that '. Then made it clear Netflix n chill was expected & he'd stay all night for that. Yuk. & he wasnt the only one with the attitude that sex has to be almost immediate. Never mind courtship.

A friend is dating at present and says these guys are rife out there. & she's much older than me.

Just have to keep sifting I suppose. For 20 over-sexualised creeps that don't respect themselves or women trying their luck, I figure there must be 1 decent available man.

MistressDeeCee · 24/06/2017 15:23

& no judgment of women who want to dtd on 1st or 2nd date. Fine between consenting adults. Just cant stand these idiots who seem to think a few conversations then taking a woman for a meal = she should automatically be up for sex if he wants it immediately

Birdsbeesandtrees · 24/06/2017 15:29

Sadly it is the norm. Or rather the sad thing is they can't accept when you dont want to.

I've had to get rid of one as he was all over me on the first date in spite of me asking him to stop it.

For some stupid reason we had a second where he was even worse and actually tried to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom after I had already said no !

Ugh.

CheeseBubbles · 24/06/2017 15:36

Today 11:45 Notknownatthisaddress

I have never, in my entire life, heard of the 'knickers off on the third date' rule. I couldn't give a shit if people drop their knickers during the third drink with someone, but it's not for me. I prefer to get to know someone a bit first. I never had sex with my husband (who I have been with for over 20 years,) until we had been together 3 months and had met about 20 -25 times.

Even before I met him, I never ever had sex with a man, until we had been together at LEAST a couple of months. Several of them finished with me after 3 or 4 dates when I made it clear I wasn't going to fuck them for a good few months. Sorted the wheat from the chaff that did!

Thank fuck I have not had to 'date' for over 20 years, and don't have to worry about this. I would fucking HATE to be on the dating scene now, (aged 40-something!) and the thought of online dating literally sends chills through me.

^For the record, many women I know who are younger than 30 years of age, seem to get to know the man a bit first when they start dating them, and several women I know who are around 18-23 didn't shag their current boyfriend til 5 or 6 months in to the relationship. It just seems to be women who are over 30 who shag very soon after meeting someone. I wonder why that is?
For the record, I know some younger women shag around whilst on holidays in Magaluf and suchlike (before anyone says anything!) But we are talking about DATING here, and trying to form relationships with people. And women who are in their 30's and older, seem to shag a lot quicker than younger women. As I said, I wonder why that is............^

You tell us. You seem to have an opinion.

CheeseBubbles · 24/06/2017 15:37

I couldn't/wouldn't wait months op. Lots of people wouldn't. You don't need to feel pressure to do anything though. If it were me I'd mention either in my profile or when emailing that sex is something I want to be Ina relationship for.

I'd assumed someone wasn't interested if the wouldn't have sex with me.

MommaGee · 24/06/2017 15:50

Agree with previous posters.

Don't get a gift off them or let them escort you home. Don't let them touch you in a way you don't like. Be verbally very clear and confident in telling them what you want or don't want.

KeiraH · 24/06/2017 16:02

No judgement but we ve waited couple of months before having sex. Enjoyed lots of dates and got to know each other. The chemistry was insane so it was really hard but I am glad we did. We are now happily married about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary.

Do whatever you are comfortable with but I wouldnt let someone I ve just met walk me home then be surprised that they expected to come in.

TheNaze73 · 24/06/2017 16:02

Surely it's down to you as to as and when?

Sex is so freely available to both sexes these days, I can't see the point in waiting, if you're both up for it

Aeroflotgirl · 24/06/2017 16:06

Never heard of the three date rule! Your entitled to not be pressured for sex or the assumption that there will be sex early on. Just tell them, your not into casual sex. At least you can sort out the opportunists.

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/06/2017 16:09

In my experience most don't even wait until the second date. Sad

CheeseBubbles · 24/06/2017 16:09

Those of you who waited months, can I ask what you did do? So just a kiss? Or oral,handjobs etc?

KeiraH · 24/06/2017 16:11

Just kiss. I would still class oral and handjobs as sex. It was a personal choice that worked for both of us

Josuk · 24/06/2017 16:12

I don't think there is a universal rule of acceptable time.
Only thing that matters is how you feel, what you want.
In my many years of dating - before marriage/kids - I have done it in many different ways (in 1st 'date', or waiting till it felt right) - all depending on how it felt at the moment.
Makes no difference on the outcome, btw. If it's the person that is right for you - it makes no difference.

CheeseBubbles · 24/06/2017 16:14

I would as well Keira but wondered if this was like girls in Fundamentalist Christian churches having anal to keep their virginity.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/06/2017 16:14

With dh, I never felt pressured, it was a few months before sex, and a month before we kissed. Those who expect sex very early on, and get angry if it does not happen, are the crap abusive arsholes anyway. So you dodged a bullet with them.

Thisisyourcurrentusername · 24/06/2017 16:14

I slept with a guy the second time we met. Went to his house.

I also stayed at his last night

CheeseBubbles · 24/06/2017 16:14

(And totally respect anyone's right to wait 20 minutes or 2 years, as long as the partner knows what's on the cards)

Chattymummyhere · 24/06/2017 17:39

There are no rules it's when your ready. I had sex with now dh the first time we met in person we are now married with three children and been together 10 or so years.

noeffingidea · 24/06/2017 17:52

Men trying to encourage sex after 2 dates is pretty normal to me, and I started dating over 40 years ago. Going out for 3 months without any form of sex is totally abnormal for me (in fact I would have given up long before that if nothing had happened), but each to their own.
I've never really followed the 3 date rule but it does make sense to me.

importanceofhappiness · 24/06/2017 18:40

It's normal but there are lots of 'normals' when it comes to sex. If it's not for you, it's not for you.

I wouldn't have sex with someone until I'd known them for at least 6 months. Others would find this too long. Doesn't mean either of us is wrong.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 24/06/2017 22:17

Not sure this is new behaviour really. Craig David sang about doing this 17 years ago. They did get to chill out on Sunday though.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 24/06/2017 22:27

I had to have a think Trees, but yes Craig did indeed wait until a Wednesday. I wouldn't have been impressed by him needing to chill on the Sunday mind. Not that soon in a relationship.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 24/06/2017 22:41

Very true Computer. Unless of course, it's one of those new kind of chills (Netflix and). I best tweet him and ask.