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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think 18 year old DD could get the shopping delivery in?

225 replies

ncfortoday · 22/06/2017 22:29

Hi, I'm willing to hear I'm BU (I'm not one of those Grin) so be as honest as possible.

I have a food shopping delivery coming tomorrow (a rather large one at that) but something has come up and I can't be in the house. However, DD will be home all day. She's 18. I asked her if she'd be okay getting it in and she said she'd rather not. She says she has never done it before, etc. AIBU to think it's fine to expect her to do it? Obviously if she won't, I'll have to change it. Is it something your 18 year olds would be happy to do?

OP posts:
LiveLongAndProspero · 23/06/2017 11:08

And if she can do all that she can answer a door, so you contradicted yourself.

MrsD79 · 23/06/2017 11:10

Would she able to open the door for a take away?
Seriously my 4 & 6 yr olds do this every week. Yes i am there too obviously. She doesnt need to talk to them! Take the bags and go. Or let the driver bring the crates in.

ChillyChina · 23/06/2017 11:10

@LiveLongAndProspero not contradicting myself at all. You do realise anxiety can manifest in all types of environments and ways? Confused it's pretty clear with the whole doctor thing as well, that there's a reason for these 2 things.

AlwaysUnsure · 23/06/2017 11:12

I was a bit like this as a kid. It was just shyness and afraid I'd do it incorrectly or get something wrong. It's hard to explain. As you said it'll be good for her. Doing these things helps to take the scare/anxiety out of these tasks and gives a little extra confidence. It's like dealing with bills/rent etc when you live on your own for the first time for me there was a level of anxiety in dealing with them but then once done it gave me more confidence.

PuckeredAhole · 23/06/2017 11:27

My 2 year old helps to bring the shop from the front door to kitchen. Your 18 year old is lazy but it's probably of your own making. Are you soft with her?

PuckeredAhole · 23/06/2017 11:29

And anxiety does not equal being afraid of life.

I had to fake it for a long time. I was very shy, but life is tough. We all need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones.

Italiangreyhound · 23/06/2017 13:25

Livelong bloody hell you are rude!

The OP has said what her dd does, a lot for gee age.

Maybe a chimp can sign for shopping but what has that to do with anything! The OP is unlikely to have a chimp!

And she has said her dd is not lazy. so something is bothering her!

I can't understand why there are so many stupid comments. If a child has an issue you get to the bottom of it, you don't just call then lazy!

Good luck OP to you and your lovely hard working daughter.

Italiangreyhound · 23/06/2017 13:31

"And if she can do all that she can answer a door, so you contradicted yourself" chilly is not contradicting themselves, yoi are missing the point livelong!

Puckered are you going to take credit for your 2 year's old abilities?

Do you realise how offensive it is to criticize parents you know nothing much about for how you think they are failing. As kids get older it is much harder to be able to say that any good or bad traits or behaviours are down to your parenting alone.

LiveLongAndProspero · 23/06/2017 14:20

Actually OP said she thinks her DD was just being lazy and is not anxious, so pay attention before you tell others they've got it wrong.

Groupie123 · 23/06/2017 14:24

This is not anxiety. This is laziness. OP you need to make it clear to your DD that while she lives under your roof some tasks are non-negotiable & you're only asking as a curtesy.

MollyHuaCha · 23/06/2017 14:29

How did she get on OP?

n0ne · 23/06/2017 14:31

My 4yo helps me put away the shopping!!!! And she'd answer the door, given half the chance Wink

By 18, I'd moved out of home and was living in a flatshare with my OH. I could cook, clean, sort out admin/bills, and if they'd had shopping deliveries back then and I wasn't too skint to afford such extravagances I could have got it into the house.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2017 14:34

CBA springs to mind, lazy girl. My ds who is 5 could do that, he loves helping put the home delivery away.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 23/06/2017 14:35

No I don't particularly feel like there is a fault in my parenting... She is a hard worker who is predicted to do well in her a levels.

There is a fucking huge fault in your parenting if you have an 18 year old who can't open a door and move some shopping bags. Hmm what exactly did you think you were being unreasonable about? I'm absolutely fucking baffled.

Groupie123 · 23/06/2017 14:44

@frillyhorseyknickers - totally agree. Parenting is about more than high grades. It's about raising independent people. She'll be at uni soon - how will she cope if she can't even put a bit of shopping away.

AguacateMaduro · 23/06/2017 14:44

I know my hardworking dd would genuinely feel some anxiety here. She isnt 18 yet but I think she would be nervous about this. She used to walk 7 k rather than get on the bus. She was nervous that there woyld be some unexpected interaction / qu3stion or outcome as a result of getting on to bus. Would the fare be the same. The route. Would she do/ say the right thing in the right way.

I think it is too easy as an adult to declare that that is lazin3ss not anxiety

pinkyflower · 23/06/2017 15:20

My 10yo does this - obvs being 10, we are always there, but she co-signs for the delivery, helps check everything to make sure we aren't missing items and helps put everything away! At 18, i wouldn't even ask - I would tell her that if she wants to eat, she can accept the delivery and put it away....!

Our drivers for 2 main supermarkets have offered to bring the delivery to a room of our choosing too, although we just unload at the door because it is easier for us - no hassle, and if you add bags to the order it takes moments!

Cupcake1315 · 23/06/2017 16:16

I'll probably be crucified, but change your order to a day where you both will be in, show her how it's done, do this about 3 times with her and then letting her know that one of her new responsibilities will be accepting and putting away deliveries. Even if she is shy, she needs to do this. My ex has a 15 who stutters and who is socially anxious (I think this term is being overused now, I'm a teacher and I swear out of a class of 30, 25 parents have stated their child is socially anxious 😩, I think shy and quiet kids are being labelled as socially anxious without being assessed) anyways back to my ex partners daughter who is definitely socially anxious and this is something she could do and her father would expect her to do.

Start expecting more from your children and they will surprise you. They may whine and moan to start with.

LiveLongAndProspero · 23/06/2017 16:42

change your order to a day where you both will be in, show her how it's done, do this about 3 times with her and then letting her know that one of her new responsibilities will be accepting and putting away deliveries

An 18 year old needs THREE practices at opening a door and lifting some bags? Good fuck.

PickAChew · 23/06/2017 17:11

It's a tad late to be changing orders, anyhow.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 23/06/2017 17:19

And if she's so anxious she can't say hello to a supermarket delivery man, how can she work in a bloody supermarket
Maybe it's because it's a different type of social situation. At work she has backup if she needs it, at home alone she doesn't. Now, I can't relate to her because at her age answering the door to a stranger was a total non event. However, we're all differnt aren't we. It's a bit like wondering why someone might be perfectly fine with train journeys (plenty of people around so feel safe or less likely to be singled out for a chat) but not be as comfortable getting a taxi alone (with an unknow male driver who might want to strike up conversation).

babybubblescomingsoon · 23/06/2017 17:55

When I was 18 I was living alone in London and working full time. So yanbu, maybe just sit down and have a chat with her..

babybubblescomingsoon · 23/06/2017 17:57

I also have crippling anxiety and OCD which it receive treatment and medication for. Sometimes being thrown in at the deep end is a good thing. And she may see how easy it was.

kali110 · 23/06/2017 18:53

LiveLongAndProspero
I've worked retail and have suffered with anxiety since i was a child, so maybe you should think again Hmm
As for saying the op has failed in her parenting, shame on you.

kali110 · 23/06/2017 18:54

LiveLongAndProspero
Actually agree with another poster, you have no idea and your posts sre just nasty.

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