AIBU to think 18 year old DD could get the shopping delivery in?

[ncfortoday]

Hi, I'm willing to hear I'm BU (I'm not one of those ) so be as honest as possible.

I have a food shopping delivery coming tomorrow (a rather large one at that) but something has come up and I can't be in the house. However, DD will be home all day. She's 18. I asked her if she'd be okay getting it in and she said she'd rather not. She says she has never done it before, etc. AIBU to think it's fine to expect her to do it? Obviously if she won't, I'll have to change it. Is it something your 18 year olds would be happy to do?

says she doesn't want the whole hassle of speaking to the person and trying to get it to fit in the hall way while they hand it over to her

She needs to get a grip and get over herself. She sounds incredibly lazy and self centred.

I wouldn't have even given her a choice. Just told her that the delivery was coming at Xo'clock and to please put it away (or at least put the cold stuff away).

And I've nw caught up with my original comment, which is a prime case of RTFT!

Yes, she needs to do it and learn that it's quite quick and painless. Not letting them in the house is less painful for me. They pass it over the doorstep. I was mildly flummoxed by one who put the crate on my doormat, last week. LET ME SORT IT ALL OUT, OK!!!

Maybe she is uncomfortable to have a delivery person there when you are not.

I'd see if she can invite a friend over and get them both to do this together. Clear the fridge out as best you can so it is easy for her to do.

My dd would find all this hard, she is a lot younger but I can imagine her being just the same at 18, but then she is on the spectrum, we think.

Just explain to your dd if the deliver doesn't come then all the [juice/beer/crisps/whatever] will not be delivered until next week!

How you get over this level of worry, is to do things. It is good for people, including 18 year olds, to do things just slightly outside of our comfort zone. It builds confidence and abilities.

I think your dd needs to start thinking about what sort of life skills she needs as an adult, and start acquiring some new skills. Then, she needs to practise them at every opportunity, she's a princess, in which case she merely needs to worry about the possibilities of the country becoming a Republic in her life time

unless she's' a princess!

Could be social anxiety and not her being lazy, considering she doesnt like going to the doctors on her own!
All my jobs have been public related, however i suffer horrendously with social anxiety.
At work its very different to how i am at home and out.
I have even worked retail.
I won't even answer my door unless i know who it is.

My children have been getting the shopping in, and putting it away, since they were little because I'm disabled. When DS2 was 18 I'd do him a Tesco delivery to his uni halls. He'd have a chat with the driver who brought it and help carry it up to his flat.

Your DD needs to do this. It really shouldn't be an option.

You aren't serious @ItalianGreyhound?!

She's 18 years old, no SEN, no anxiety, just doesn't want to. Not everything needs backup from someone else, especially when you are a legal adult. If she really wants to arrange a friend to be there then she can crack on, don't see why OP should suggest it.

What am I not serious about? Tazerface

The fact some children and teenagers and even adults have some degrees of social anxiety that make regular activities (that most of us could do in our sleep) very difficult for others?

Either the OP's dd is just being lazy, in which case she needs to tell her dd to step up, or there is some level of anxiety making this harder for her, in which case the OP may be able to help her.

Why are some posters diagnosing this girl with social anxiety? She doesn't display this in other areas of her life. She just sounds lazy and spoiled.

@haveacupoftea but why are you describing her as lazy, she doesn't display it in other areas of her life??

OP said "She says she has never done it before, etc."

That sounds like a level of anxiety to me.

Fennecfoxmummy "I know people are probably going to say you're crazy and that an 18 year old is more than capable however at 18 I was really socially nervous and answering the door to a delivery man sent me into almost a melt down. It's something I've overcome now I have my own home and family but at the time it was a big thing. If this is why then YABU however if she just can't be arsed YANBU"

Totally agree. And I don;t think you are crazy at all. I had anxiety in my thirties, diagnosed by a doctor, and found all kinds of experiences difficult.

OP if your dd really cannot face this task then I would suggest there might be some level of social anxiety there.

ijustwannadance "If your 18 year old can't bring in and put away a shopping delivery then surely that's down to your parenting?" Not everything our kids can or cannot do is down to the parents. "She's a bloody adult, what would she do if she lived alone?" Due to my anxiety I din't feel able to live alone in my early thirties! Not everyone can do the same things.

Maybe if the OP shows her daughter how normal and expected this is, she will step up.

You are not being unreasonable! When i saw the beginning of your thread I thought you were asking AIBU to think 18 yr old dd to get the shopping delivery (ie pay for it). I have an 18yr old dd myself and was thinking maybe that was a little harsh.

But you are asking to bring in the delivery you have paid for and she will consume. Of course she should do that.

Is she perhaps anxious about the driver coming into the house (if that is necessary). Tell her to bring it in herself from the doorstep if so. I would also insist she put it away.

It's natural to feel a little worried the first time you do anything. But she's 18 - she'll be doing most things for the first time! I'd go for kindly but brisk encouragement "You're great in the supermarket, so you'll be fine" - and leave her to it.

Why ask her? Tell her she's doing it.

Why are some posters diagnosing this girl with social anxiety? She doesn't display this in other areas of her life.
Really?
but struggles to go to doctor on her own (she likes me to come)
Think i disagree

My kids did far more complicated than what you've asked before they hit double figures. I owned and ran a good business. Does she do nothing to help the family? Time to mention moving out.

Gahhh. Food not good.

Goodness me my 8 year old helps me bring it all in during half terms etc when shes home and its delivered!

She's 18 and an adult. The worst thing you could do is pander to her... of course she should do it. I'd be giving her short shrift if she moaned about it.

Are you not embarrassed by this? Do you not think you have gone wrong somewhere in your parenting? I'd be ashamed of my son if he said something like that at his current age (9) let alone at 18

It's bringing the shopping in.
Personally, I'd be saying she can put the shop away too. It's hardly child (adukt) labour.

I don't like going an collecting parcels from neighbours because I hate the idea of knocking on a strangers door and I feel anxious but I'm not going to self diagnose as having social anxiety. If DH is around he does it. If he's not then I just have to put my big girl pants on and do it

Anxiety?
She has no issue at all in any other circumstances. She is working in a shop so really she is the one who is on the other side on a regular basis, talking to customers etc..
And she is saying herself that 'its too much of a faff' notbthat she is anxious or whatever...

A certain level of anxiety is 100% normal. She clearly does not suffer from such crippling anxiety that this novel task will be the ruination of her. She is entirely capable of getting used to the idea and just doing it, and learning from the experience that this is an entirely mundane situation which requires minimal social skills to accomplish will solve the anxiety issue for next time. Nobody can avoid every situation in life that makes them feel a bit more awkward than usual. 18 is plenty old enough to learn this!