AIBU to think 18 year old DD could get the shopping delivery in?

[ncfortoday]

Hi, I'm willing to hear I'm BU (I'm not one of those ) so be as honest as possible.

I have a food shopping delivery coming tomorrow (a rather large one at that) but something has come up and I can't be in the house. However, DD will be home all day. She's 18. I asked her if she'd be okay getting it in and she said she'd rather not. She says she has never done it before, etc. AIBU to think it's fine to expect her to do it? Obviously if she won't, I'll have to change it. Is it something your 18 year olds would be happy to do?

Agreeing with wowbutter. 6/10 I manage that and I try not to let the anxiety stop me because if you do it only feeds it.

That's if she has anxiety.

I would have her start regularly taking it in when you are home too OP, I'd she's lazy it kicks her up the arse, if it is anxiety then it helps break the cycle.

Yanbu, she needs to receive today for you.

My dd is an Aspie. She definitely has anxiety and I know she finds things like answering the door occasionally stressful. However, it's something she just has to get on with. She used to get anxious about going to the doctors and all manner of other things but has recognised the need to meet the anxiety head on (but to have a back up plan in her mind if things don't go as planned).

she said she'd rather not

she didn't say no.

i think you're over thinking this and it was how you asked. just tell her she has to do it and next time re phrase your request.

my 14yo DD "would rather not" do a lot of things including answering the door to the postman if i'm not in. I just tell her "i'm expecting a parcel DO NOT IGNORE THE DOOR" and she doesn't. But if i didn't say that, she would ignore it as "she'd rather not" answer it. iyswim.

Oh ffs! She's 18! I took delivery of a cooker when I was 12 and checked the guys id for his gas safe hologram thing before he installed it. Checked it worked and signed to say it was undamaged and everything. She can't take in a food shop? Get real, she's just being lazy or plans to be out and doesn't want to say where.

I agree with wowbutter that it's important she does this even if it makes her mildly anxious.

The expectation here would be that my younger kids did this without comment and put everything away, not just the cold stuff. She is an adult with a job. You should not expect to come home to a hall full of groceries waiting for you. I would also ask her to pay for any cold food that she doesn't put away.

No I don't particularly feel like there is a fault in my parenting... She is a hard worker who is predicted to do well in her a levels. She has a part time job and volunteers. She helps around the house a lot and doesn't have an issue when I ask her to. It's literally this and wanting me to come to the doctors with her that's something I have ever seen an issue with, so not too bad in my mind. She has never been someone who likes to stay out and party so never had that worry, she's a good kid (yes I know she's an adult but my kid) and I honestly don't find her lazy. I can't put my finger on this, it comes across like she's embarrassed of doing something wrong by we all experience that in life and I think it'll be good for her!

Thank you for all the comments and that delivery will be arriving today.

we all experience that in life and I think it'll be good for her!

I think you're right.

I was very ill for some while earlier in the year and we had this issue. After I came out of hospital I was well enough to do an online order but not well enough to put it away. DDs are 20 and 17 (and the 20 yo has her own flat for uni term times!)
When I said to DD1 she'd need to accept the delivery I got a whole lot of "no, I can't, what if I mess it up, I won't know what to do, what do I say to the delivery man?" etc etc.

She is quite shy and I think it was outside her comfort zone. I said if they wanted to eat they had to do it. DD2 (who has a lot more confidence) said, "it's ok, I'll do it".

However, when the deliveries came the delivery guy would not leave it with DD2 as she's 17 and it has to be signed for by an over 18 (there was no booze btw, this is just their rule). So DD1 had to step up and go and show him her ID and take the delivery. I was NOT going to stagger out of bed to sign his form!

After that we had no problem. Forcing her into doing it was the way forward.

Being nervous because it's the first time she's ever done it is understandable - not everyone is comfortable talking to strangers in their own homes, but being nervous isn't a reason not to do it.

It'll take her five minutes maximum - all she needs to do is answer the door, let the delivery man carry stuff to the kitchen and take the bags out of the crates, then show him out.

Maybe tell her what to do with any subs (do you want her to accept or reject) but otherwise just let her get on with it. She needs to learn that everyone has to do stuff like that at some point - she can't always rely on mummy to do things for her.

Is she anxious about actually answering the door. My dd won't open the door to anyone.

ncfortoday, my guess is that, as she's clearly not lazy, she's worried about some part of the experience and is masking it by saying it's about the faff of bags in the hallway. It's something she's never done before and she'll be alone in the house, so if she's unsure about anything she has no-one to ask. She may feel it's pushing her comfort zone just a bit too much, hense the "rather not" rather than an outright "no". So I'd run through what happens, a "dress rehearsal" if you like, so she can feel a bit more prepared. Make sure she has her ID with her ready so she's not awkwardly fumbling for it whilst the delivery person is on the doorstep, and get her to think what she's going to say or do if the delivery person asks to put stuff in the kitchen for her etc. It sounds such a simple non-event to us, but teenagers can be less confident with certain things than they appear. Going through new experiences in your head or having a dress rehearsal can really help aleviate any anxiety. But make her do it.

The armchair psychiatrists are at it again! Everyone has to be diagnosed with something, they can't just be a lazy bugger, they have to be selectively socially anxious......

It's a bloody shopping delivery. A chimp could do it.

But @LiveLongAndProspero she clearly isn't lazy, is she?

Getting a friend round? Doing a 'dress rehearsal'??

Christ on a bike. She's an adult who holds down a job.

Except she clearly is. She can't be arsed with the faff of opening the door and taking it in, laxy.

lazy

@LiveLongAndProspero why is she not lazy in any other area of her life?

Sounds like she is.

And if she's so anxious she can't say hello to a supermarket delivery man, how can she work in a bloody supermarket.
Give it up. Not every person has a condition you can blame everything on.

Koala - yes, dress rehearsal! OP can be delivery person, DD receive groceries. Then change roles!
I blame the lack of drama in schools, great for confidence building. Gets off hobby horse 😉

She's just got to get on with it or accept there will be no food in the house.

@LiveLongAndProspero where else in her life does it sound like she is lazy then? She does more than a lot of people her age!

Like what? Hanging out a bit of washing. She's EIGHTEEN.

God your standards are low.

@GlitteryFluff presumably if it was part of your job, or if your DH refused to pander to you, you'd just crack on and do it? If you're capable of dealing with your issues sufficiently to manage 20 staff and a busy shop, why don't you put in the effort to become more self-sufficient at home and set a good example to your DC?

@LiveLongAndProspero erm, she does a levels, works, volunteers, ironing, washing, etc. I think that's pretty good!?