AIBU to think 18 year old DD could get the shopping delivery in?

[ncfortoday]

Hi, I'm willing to hear I'm BU (I'm not one of those ) so be as honest as possible.

I have a food shopping delivery coming tomorrow (a rather large one at that) but something has come up and I can't be in the house. However, DD will be home all day. She's 18. I asked her if she'd be okay getting it in and she said she'd rather not. She says she has never done it before, etc. AIBU to think it's fine to expect her to do it? Obviously if she won't, I'll have to change it. Is it something your 18 year olds would be happy to do?

My sons both did this in their late teens - and my younger one is quite shy and can be socially awkward. They weren't given the option though, it was just expected.

I had to accept that they might accept odd substitutions, but it was worth it for the convenience.

lol it's not hard ..

To be honest, she probably is being lazy. I think I'll leave it. She would feel more awkward with the delivery guy knocking on the door and not answering it than answering it, so she'll be forced to do it!!

My 16 year old DS has bad social anxiety and selective mutism. He can get the on-line shopping in and also parcels (even ones for neighbours) . I think she needs to do this tbh. Just run through it with her first.

Our Tesco man will take it right to the kitchen if you ask him to. I then empty the crates onto the kitchen side. No need to faff about in hallways!

I recently left home, and always used to bring in shopping/run in the shops and buy things for my Mum etc. no problem. Having said that, I hated when I would have to answer to the delivery man on my own when nobody was home - I worried I wouldn't hear the door and get blamed for missing it, worried they would think I was living in a suburban house and ordering nappies at 18 (wouldn't phase me now but really embarrassed me then), worried about being ID'd even though I was old enough, what should I do if there were substitutions, where/how should I put things away, what goes in the freezer etc. etc. It may sound really silly, and it does to me now that I've gone to uni, but I remember having all those thoughts. It's not being bone idle or that I was incapable, I just preferred not to. I would suggest talking through the process maybe - what you say, where you ask for things to go etc. as that may help.

I think I know what's up though if she's saying it's because 'she's never done it before' I sometimes get it when a new situation arises I get really stubbornly set against it in my head and don't want to do it .. but you need to tell her exactly what will happen and that you need her to do this for you and she'll see she's been overthinking it afterwards x

I am astounded that, when the food shopping slot has been selected and she's going to be in all day, the OP's daughter is even being given the option of not receiving it.

It's a minor social anxiety symptom and when I was diagnosed with it this year my mum acted like every issue I'd ever had suddenly made sense 🙄🙄

Jeez louise!!! 18?!?! She needs some life skills and fast.

Get the bags from the crates at the door and move them into the hall. Take the paper that says about swapped items. Sign the machine. Have ID incase of booze. Simple.

Jesus, I have now heard it all! 18 years old!! Can't put some shopping away!!

Of course she can do it, op. She's 18, not 4. If she can talk to clients where she's at work, she's fine. What a bizarre attitude.

Christ. My cats could get the Tesco delivery in. It's not hard. Tell her to woman-up.

I can't imagine a ten year old not being able to do this. She's 18! At that age I had moved out of home and was supporting myself- you know, like adults do.

To be honest it's worrying that you had to turn to the Internet to work out what was reasonable or not in this situation, completely and utterly baffling. Has she always been a very special snowflake?

My DD is very socially anxious 12 year old on the autism spectrum and she managed to answer the door and receive a parcel from UPS (although she did call me to talk her through it) if she can do it I'm sure an 18 year old with no anxiety issues can.

And I'm a barmaid so customer facing is v different somehow in my head from being the customer - like as the employee I'm in authority

If you cancel the delivery just because she can't be arsed would rather not, then you are a mug. Not only are you a mug, but you are a mug who is setting herself out to be used by her adult DD forever more.

She works in a supermarket, she knows groceries do not magic their way into cupboards and freezers. She helps eat said groceries. She will be in, you will not be. She needs to do this, even though she would rather not.

My 11 year old DD is far from perfect. She could and would take in a grocery shop and at least put the frozen and refrigerator items away!

How does she get food out of a fridge if she can't put it in?

Reading further she sounds identical to me - uber confident but then certain things just trigger

@CrowyMcCrowFace I just googled Goodsmart. 1) what an awesome idea! Can you tell them to come do it in the UK? And 2) a photo in an article I clicked was of a child emptying the box and captioned "Goodsmart may be less appreciated by children who have an extra chore to do in the morning."
OP YANBU and I think you should insist she does this as it is one of the easier "at home social interactions" your DD may face (harder ones would be door-to-door sales people, canvassers, doorstep chuggers etc - anything which is a surprise) as she can prepare herself for it. Can you talk her through exactly what will take place? Eg "it will be fine. He'll ring the bell, bring the shopping to the door, just ask him to bring it into and show you which the frozen bits are and if there are any substitutions (will you know this in advance? Sainsburys now tell me which is helpful) then you'll need to sign for it and that's it".

15 yr old DC here, one would do it willingly and put everything where it needs to be. The other one would throw a strop and forget to put frozen stuff in the freezer etc, and then proceed to scoff any biscuits/crisps/chocolate that might be in the order.

In fact, I might test it during to summer holiday

She is an adult. She is old enough to get married, drive a car, vote, work etc. But she can't be arsed to open a door to allow a delivery to be made?

If she is just being lazy, not anxious, no way should you cancel your delivery to appease her.

I would expect any teenage to not just accept the delivery but put it all away in the right places - I think your DD is trying it on - lazy!

She so has your number OP - of course she can't do it, mummy will handle for her. Age 18? That's an adult.

If there are truly no SEN issues then you'd be serving her very well giving her much more responsibility in the very near future. She is tremendously life-skill deprived at the moment. Or tremendously lazy.