To not want my ds subjected to this at school

[requestingsunshine]

We don't swear at home, well I might have uttered the odd word, but generally speaking we don't swear. I am under no illusion that my children know swear words. However AIBU to expect that during a school lesson my ds (yr 6) shouldn't have to listen to the foul language coming out of a fellow pupil with the teacher doing nothing about it except telling the child 'not to swear'. Yesterday this child told the teacher and other pupils to fuck off 20 times in the space of one hour.

This is an everyday thing, but yesterday there were more fucks than usual apparently.

I don't understand why the school allow it to go on.

I don't see what you can do about this OP, other than withdraw your child and force him to live in a bubble and protect him from all lifes nasties.

I would have thought they would send any disruptive child out of the class after they had been disruptive 20 times, whatever the words were however I cant see what you can do, other than storm the school demanding action

I think it is a good thing for your kid to see that other children are not the same as him, this other kid has behavioral difficulties and possibly other issues, that luckily your child does not have such issues.

May you could use this as an opportunity to instill some empathy into your kid, and instead of focusing on how horrendous the swearing is?

My ds would find it mildly amusing, but he knows not to repeat. Is your son really upset by it?
Swearing is a normal part of speech & will be a normal part of his speech in a few years i should think.

The child could be suffering from Tourettes and have no control at all over what they are saying. Without background information we should not judge. However, if OP is concerned they are well within their rights to discuss it with the school.

It's a normal part of speech as long as you know your audience, so to speak. Down the pub, fine. Speaking to a client/your boss, not fine.
In a Year 6 classroom directed at your teacher; you'd be failing him badly to let him believe that's even in the next county to fine.
It's not. It's disgraceful, and that should be acknowledged.

Was your son keeping count?
Yes he was AS I said its a regular thing, and he and his friend counted the number of swears yesterday during just one hour lesson. It would have been more throughout the while day.

What do you suggest the school does?
A warning, then remove him from the classroom if it persists? I don't know, but something surely.

More likely there is work going on in the background that your DS rightly isn't aware of.
Maybe there is, but this has been going on for the best part of 2 years and is getting worse. So whatever they are doing in the background isn't working. I suspect that 'in the background' they are biding their time until the child leaves in July for secondary school then its no longer their problem.

Its a pretty crap school for dealing with behaviour of pupils. I've already 'complained' that they should be trying to minimise this kind of disruption and am told it is being dealt with, but then nothing ever seems to happen.

It sounds like this child has some problems that extend beyond 'being a bit naughty'. That's probably why they need to manage his behaviour in a way that extends beyond 'sending him to the head'.

I find it very, very unlikely that the school are doing nothing about it. What is far more likely is that you 11 year old son wasn't invited in to any of the meetings/discussion around this boy and his behaviour and so doesn't know how it is being handled.

In a few month, your ds will be in secondary and will hear much much worse than Fuck.

I agree its not great but complaining abut it at this time in his school life doesnt make sense to me.

Jesus- I can't believe the minimising on this thread.

I can't believe the child-blaming on this thread.

Whatever is making an 11 year old child do that, is not nice.

And if the OP's child is going to secondary in September, he might need a crammer on swear words beforehand.

OP- of course it's not acceptable, particularly if the normal lesson is interrupted, and of course, you should raise it with the school- but I would hazard a guess they would tell you they are aware of the situation, it's complicated etc. And you will have to trust them on that.

My dd had a death threat put in her backpack by the child of a well known local "boss". I stomped in and was told exactly that...difficult situation blah blah. I said I appreciated it was not the other child's fault, given her circumstances that are well-known to everyone, but tat my child was not going to pay the price.

until the child leaves in July for secondary school then its no longer their problem

Cant say I blame them, that's like a week away

Will the sweary kid be going to the same secondary school as your kid?

Well, OP - Maybe you should go into the school and tell them how to deal with the situation. I'm sure they'd appreciate your comments and suggestions on how to deal with difficult behaviour in the classroom.
I'm sure they'd be interested to know how you dealt with similar situations in the school you work in, and how your methods succeeded, what approaches you tried and what worked well.

As I already said, I know my ds knows swear words. It isn't about being all precious with him hearing it. Its about him hearing it all day whilst at school - in the classroom. I'm well aware at secondary school he may well swear himself but I've made it very very clear that if he ever swears at or in front of a teacher or other adult there will be hell to pay. Its a matter of respect.

He isn't 'upset' by it. I am though. As I don't think its something that he should be subjected to in school and shouldn't be tolerated. Whatever the childs circumstances I don't see how tolerating this and making it seem ok is doing any of the children, including this one, any favours. The fact that its got progessively worse just makes me think they are not actually doing a huge amount about it even behind the scenes.

I agree with you OP. I know pretty much any swear word you care to mention. Doesn't mean I'd want to work in an environment with people swearing at each other all day.

I agree, op. I can't believe the tone on this thread... It's normal! He'll hear it elsewhere! He'll be using those words himself soon!
It's not normal at all in a primary school. It may happen, but it's not normal.

If it is any comfort, I think this experience will make your son less likely to swear at all.

I only started to use "fuck" when I got on English online forums where decent and reasonable people used it as a kind of exclamation mark.

Your son hears it used by the child who's disrupting lessons and getting on everyone's nerves.
Not the kind of person he'd want to imitate.

Of course it's not helping the child in question.

He will be outside the school environment where it won't be acceptable for him to swear all day. He needs proper help with that now.

And the other children shouldn't be subjected to it all day either. They're helping no-one.

floggingmolly I don't consider it normal either, I can't get my head around people who think it is.

vestalvirgin I hope you're right!

"Nothing ever seems to happen"

I offer you 7 things effing schools could effing try but don't effing seem to.

Masking tape across the child's mouth. Duct tape for persistent swearing(more than 20 times in an hour, nominated child in class to keep count)

Having a large metal box in the corner of the room to put disruptive children in.Especially effective in hot weather, do not allow water, they probably don't have a nice leak proof water bottle anyway.

Water boarding disruptive children. PE benches are suitable.

Calling up their parents from the classroom and having a screaming match with them over the phone in front of the class.

Public shaving of the child's head in stripes, possibly during a whole school assembly.

Pinning out the disruptive child on the playground and putting wasps in its mouth.

Putting the child in stocks and pelting them with rotting fruit, this could go down well at the school fair.

You are right OP, the schools know nothing and do nothing. What these disruptive children need is immediate, draconian punishment, they were born bad, it would frankly have have been a waste of time and no help at all to give them consistent patient parenting and security from age 0 , they are evil, cannot be redeemed and will probably be in prison by the time your lad is heading off for university for three years of early nights.

There's an awkward time around this age when girls are just so much more mature than boys! In a few months, the situation will have reversed!

I would get the teacher to have a word, particularly around consent, but I honestly think this is a very normal, ordinary situation. Confronting new experiences, including bad ones, and finding out how to deal with them is a huge part of growing up. Support your DS in working out a strategy he can use now, and start building his resilience and ability to stand up to peer pressure. He'll need both in high school.

The school are almost certainly doing something about it but I do agree they are probably just biding their time until he leaves now

What's your problem, viques?

Well this is certainly an unusual situation.

I agree with you too OP.

There is a Dc in Dd's class who does the same, sadly he does it in her ear (he has to sit next to her because she models good behaviour) and the teacher just ignores him too but I don't think it's a strategy because he has now been doing it since last September and its obviously not working. I have asked her to be moved. She has asked to be moved it lasts 1 lesson and then she is back listening to it.