My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 20/06/2017 09:50

Message her back

Fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when you get there - fuck off some more.

She's not a friend
Please block and move on
Bloody hell - what a fuckijg bitch she is

Sirzy · 20/06/2017 09:51

I think you need to just ignore her.

If she was highly allergic to the dog then fair enough I could understand her not wanting it in the house but if after 8 year she can't realise what a lifeline it provides then I think is time to move away from the friendship!

NancyDonahue · 20/06/2017 09:51

Send that exact message without swear words and exclamation marks. She's not your friend. Forget her and concentrate on the friends that love you for who you are.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 20/06/2017 09:52

I wouldn't bother to respond. She's not worth it.

Asmoto · 20/06/2017 09:52

Could you simply say that you and your dog come as a package now and as she clearly isn't comfortable with that, you feel it's time to wish each other well and move on?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/06/2017 09:52

Block her, disablist bitch.

Elphame · 20/06/2017 09:53

I'd keep a dignified silence.

Block her on Facebook. Don't return any calls, emails or texts. Block her number if you can

twattymctwatterson · 20/06/2017 09:53

Honestly send the message you wanted to send complete with swear words then block. She really is a cunt

heateallthebuns · 20/06/2017 09:53

I would just not reply and block her. Just forget about her she's a bitch.

CommunistLegoOoOoBloc · 20/06/2017 09:53

YANBU! She's being incredibly discriminatory. My mind is genuinely boggling right now. How dare she?!

I would send a very calm message, explaining that your dog is integral to your independence and that if she can't make accommodations for that, then unfortunately you can't see a future for your friendship. And I'd probably add 'fuck you, fuckbadger', but I'm mature like that.

Btw it's compulsory to post pictures of your dog if you mention you have one, didn't you know?

ajandjjmum · 20/06/2017 09:53

Personally I think that your desired response is perfectly justified. The only thing to consider is whether this would impact on other joint friendships.

What a bitch!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 20/06/2017 09:53

Sorry you weren't invited but my dog doesn't like you. . .
Dogs are a good judge of character and if yours could talk - fuck off to the far end of Fuck Wood would be the response I am certain.

Floralnomad · 20/06/2017 09:54

Just message her back and say that you didn't invite her because you had yours and other dogs present and her child doesn't like dogs so you didn't bother . Then go on to say that you feel that the friendship has probably run its course and then block all access .

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 20/06/2017 09:54

She obviously doesn't accept that you need the guide dog. It's strange that she's taken this stance.

Just reply that as there were going to be a few dogs at yours and her child dislikes them that you thought she wouldn't want to attend. Then tell her to fuck off and the friendship is over.

She sounds like a dick.

dinosaurkisses · 20/06/2017 09:54

Would she tell someone who had mobility issues she didn't want them using a wheelchair in her presence, or that she didn't like a deaf friends hearing aid? If not, I don't see why this is any different.

I'd let rip with a message OP, but I have very poor impulse control. You've been very understanding so far

Theworldisfullofidiots · 20/06/2017 09:55

Ermmmm....pot and kettle....accusing you of attention seeking.....Whilst being.... Attention seeking....
You don't need friends like that.

Fruitcocktail6 · 20/06/2017 09:55

I think you should send that message, what a cow.

Your dog sounds great and he's welcome at my house. (Seriously I love dogs and I'm guessing he's a lab? 😍)

Chloe84 · 20/06/2017 09:55

What a selfish, entitled cow she is.

I would also ignore her. Or tell her to fuck off.

Don't explain yourself to her again.

Bubblegumfan · 20/06/2017 09:55

Dear Edna,
Your response to my impromptu gathering and the limits you have imposed on our friendship say so much more about you than they do about me.
I apologise that you have been subjected to being friends with such a fraudster for all these years, i feel the kindest thing i can do for you is to end our friendship. Good luck finding new friends you incredible turd face.
Regards,
Miffed

ScrambledSmegs · 20/06/2017 09:56

I'd be blunt, but not sweary. Something to remind her that it's not all about her. Along the lines of-

"I am severely visually impaired. I have been assigned a guide dog because of this. You are not a good friend to me because you cannot accept this."

Then block her.

steppemum · 20/06/2017 09:56

I am so sorry that you have experienced this.
She is vile. It is all about her.

hmm, so, good response.
I woudl go for icey cold, with some clear explanation, but not too much, and maintain the moral high ground.

I love your line
MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!'

senua · 20/06/2017 09:56

Does she have some weakness eg a dodgy hip - you can then start with "Edna, I'd love to meet up but could you leave your legs at home please"Grin
Or do you have a mutual friend who could (in theory, impartially) say that the problem is her, not you; tell her she is being ridiculous.

But ... don't waste your time on her any further.

OlympicBonfire · 20/06/2017 09:57

Well she's certainly no friend of yours now is she ?! What shocking behaviour. I could maybe understand if she was fearful of dogs but even so your dog is your "eyes" and it's hardly as if he's not trained !!

I would be inclined to just ignore her or if she persists just say to her that she knows why you don't meet up so often and that you're not going to keep repeating it.

However, I would love it if you were my friend and your guide dog would come to my house! What's his/her name please ?

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 20/06/2017 09:57

How appalling! As pp have said, send that message without the swearing and then block her.

I'm the complete opposite - I'd love to be your friend as I adore guide dogs. Wonderful creatures!

Branleuse · 20/06/2017 09:58

I think your message sounds perfect. Keep the swearwords in!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.