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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

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BalaRua · 20/06/2017 10:20

What a colossal knob. Cut her loose.

NEED to see dog picture

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WutheringTights · 20/06/2017 10:20

RULE, not tilt.

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DirtyChaiLatte · 20/06/2017 10:20

Her true feelings about you of 8 years have finally been revealed!

I wound passive aggressively explain that the party at your house included not only your dog but other dogs, and as she doesn't like dogs and her child is afraid of dogs then it would have been very rude of you to invite her to such an occasion that could upset her son. But besides the fear of the dog issue, why would she want to be friends with someone she clearly thinks is a fraud and a liar and has been for 8 years .

Personally I'd just ignore her message.

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MetalMidget · 20/06/2017 10:20

Quite apart from the fact she doesn't like dogs, she's accused you of faking blindness and defrauding DWP and the Guide Dogs people (to get a trained dog for 50p?)

Calmly tell her that she's crossed a line, and have nothing else to do with her, given what she obviously thinks of you.

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Scottishchick39 · 20/06/2017 10:21

Just curious really, how do you manage to 'read' the replies? Does your computer read it out for you? Just to be clear, I'm not disbelieving your sight problems, just wondered how you manage?

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HouseworkIsASin10 · 20/06/2017 10:21

"Since you are unable to accept my disability, it's best to part ways."

This.

Then block. She is no friend of yours.

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Scottishchick39 · 20/06/2017 10:21

Also, your friend is a twat and I would get rid of her, she's no friend of yours.

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FreeNiki · 20/06/2017 10:22

Does she think they just hand out guide dogs to people who dont need them?

Id be tempted to share her message on facebook itself.

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:23

Chestervase1 - but she's not allergic or at least has never said that's the issue. Had that been the case I wouldn't have been as offended as I was in the past. She's just clearly & repeatedly told me she and later that her child don't like dogs.

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MinorRSole · 20/06/2017 10:23

I should preface this by saying that I adore dogs and have 4 rescues of my own. I don't take them to friends houses with me as they are pets and my choice to have.

A guide dog is entirely different which is why they are allowed places where pets aren't.

I'm not entirely sure why you've maintained this friendship, she has repeatedly shown that she has no respect for you at all.

A true friend would be understanding and compassionate with such a life changing diagnosis and would do whatever necessary to support you. That's what you deserve. You didn't get it from her so she doesn't deserve you, a response or any explanation. Just block and move on

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TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/06/2017 10:23

I think your message is totally justified.
She isn't a friend, she's a selfish bitch.

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kittybiscuits · 20/06/2017 10:24

Block 'Edna'. She's no friend of yours.

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Ceto · 20/06/2017 10:25

I like your response combined with your husband's - but maybe with the language cleaned up in order to retain the moral high ground.

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Oldraver · 20/06/2017 10:25

Can we all chip and buy cuntwoman a Guide Dog sponsership ? Grin

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KitKat1985 · 20/06/2017 10:25

Edna is a cunt. Send your original message.

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SwimmingInLemonade · 20/06/2017 10:26

She sounds utterly bonkers. I agree with what PP have said about screenshotting the message and posting it to FB, let other people see her for what she is. And ask her what part of "guide dog" she doesn't understand!

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Judashascomeintosomemoney · 20/06/2017 10:26

Block. Delete. Forget.
Maintaining radio silence irritates people like her far more than any message ever could.

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:27

Scottishchick - never be afraid to ask Smile I basically have really sever tunnel vision, when I look directly at someone's face I can see their eyes & nose, nothing else. So what vision I do have is good, just not much of it! Also completely night & glare blind 🙄

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MarklahMarklah · 20/06/2017 10:27

I wrote a long response to this using the mobile site, and it disappeared! However, I see that there are lots of answers here now.

Tempting as it is to be rude, I think you would do better to take the moral high ground, as it'll just show her as being all the more shallow.

Dear Edna
I'm sorry you feel that way. However, given your dislike of my guide dog and your inability to accept that I am visually disabled, I did not think you would wish to be around other dogs or visually impaired people.
My understanding of 'friendship' is that it is a supportive and accepting relationship. I am sure you agree that it is better that we call time on ours as you are unwilling or unable to either support or accept me.

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JeffVadersMum · 20/06/2017 10:27

Sorry you weren't invited but my dog doesn't like you. . .

this ^ perfect

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Nonibaloni · 20/06/2017 10:27

My dm dislikes dogs. She cannot stand them and has made no bones about trelling people he doesn't want to be anywhere near them.

Christmas Day this year she was caught sitting on her expensive carpet trying to sneak turkey to my sons guide dog. This is a woman who wouldn't buy a car because the previous owners had a dog. The guide dog is something different. Because it's a lifesaver.

I've also had some weird comments about my son not looking blind. And people "just checking" if the drs were right because they're sure he can see everything. I no longer want to poke these people in the eye with a stick but I still don't understand why I'd make it up.

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Gooseygoosey12345 · 20/06/2017 10:27

I'd have to message her. Something along the lines of "why would I invite you when my dog is so offensive to you as there were many more dogs there as well. You have not been a friend to me since diagnosis and have made it difficult to maintain a relationship in a similar way that asking a physically disabled friend to leave behind their wheelchair would cause issues. You've made it very clear that my priority should be your needs and unfortunately that is not something I can accommodate" but better worded! She's a bitch

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pictish · 20/06/2017 10:27

Edna
What an atrocious message. I am appalled by your nastiness. It certainly says a lot more about you than it does me.
I am not going to explain myself to you again...your lack of insight prevails no matter what I say and I have tired of it now.
I think it best to draw a line under our friendship and go our separate ways. No need to contact me again.
Miffed.

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VeryButchyRestingFace · 20/06/2017 10:28

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Good luck for the future."

I wouldn't give her anything. Take the Bjorn Borg route, not Johhny Mac.

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feathermucker · 20/06/2017 10:28

You don't need toxic negativity like this in your life.

Concentrate on the friends who accept you for who you are Flowers

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