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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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Purplealienpuke · 22/06/2017 06:46

It beggars belief that someone who you thought was a friend turned out to be such a monumental cunt πŸ˜” and it must be very hurtful op.
I'd be very tempted to say
'Dear Edna,
I can prove I am partially sighted and qualify for a guide dog.
Clearly you cannot accept this. You have made it impossible to be friends with you by putting obstacles in the way at every turn.
Your fb rant is really the last straw. Now I know how you really feel.......
FUCK OFF YOU DISRESPECTFUL SLOPPY CUNT ALL THE WAY TO CUNTLAND '

Just my opinion, hope it wasn't too strong πŸ˜‰

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Partypolitics99 · 22/06/2017 06:51

Wow this is the most unbelievable thread I have read in ages
but I do believe it because I work with disabled people and have heard about some of the absolute cunts they have come across.

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Cupcakey · 22/06/2017 08:26

Wow what a horrible women she is better off without her! That's no friend!!! You deserve so much better. Give yourself and your amazing doggy a cuddle from me.
Oh and tell shit bag women to fuck off to the rock she climbed out from. xx

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purplepansyem · 22/06/2017 09:20

She is a fair weather friend and you sooo don't need her in your life! If you don't want a major confrontation I would send her a private fb message or a text and say you don't want someone who claims to be your friend but who clearly isn't, in your life so from now on, you no longer wish to be friends with her. Then block her on fb and block her number on your phone. Anyone who would say you are exaggerating your sight loss needs to hit the road.

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BadTitan · 22/06/2017 10:16

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time - Maya Angelou

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Michellelovesizzy · 22/06/2017 11:49

People grow apart over time and also change! I think the friendship is over! The whole thing about your dog is totally out of order! He is your eyes so u can't just leave him at home! I don't really like dogs or want them in my house but It's your guide dog ffs wat a cunt!!!!

I think you should stop talking to her to protect yourself it's becoming toxic and is no good for you.

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Lovelymess · 22/06/2017 11:52

Bubblegumfan Had the perfect reply πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»

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user1497171552 · 22/06/2017 12:08

I would send her a link to this thread, maybe it would knock her down a peg or two, to see what other people think of her disgusting behaviour, personally I don't trust people who don't like dogs Wink

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Rumeameke1978 · 22/06/2017 12:28

This person is clearly not your friend and clearly does not have your best interests at heart. Please cut her off completely and move on. Tell her in any way you want, just made it clear you no longer want a friendship

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Lovingit81 · 22/06/2017 13:45

I agree that sending a link to this thread would be most appropriate as then we can all say the words for you. She's a bitch and was never your friend, how awful for you. So sorry op Flowers but you really are better off without her x

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howrudeforme · 22/06/2017 15:26

Op your opening post made me sad in that you a friendship like this.

You have been gracious and accommodating of her 'needs' and she still doesn't get the fact that your dog is your family and your assistance.

You get rid of this person how you see fit, but just get her out of your life.

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mrbreezeet1 · 23/06/2017 03:16

I agree with the above.
She's not a friend, break it off, don't look back.

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tabbymog · 23/06/2017 10:05

That Maya Angelou quote is incredibly powerful. I was having a confrontation with really nasty tenants when I was in rented, they were giving me grief because of my disabilities, too, it could have been heartbreaking like your situation, OP. I quoted that at them and added 'You showed me what you are, and it disgusts me'. That kept me going until I was able to move out and get on with my own life again.

{{{{{{{{{{Miffed}}}}}}}}}}

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foofoofairybumcakes · 23/06/2017 14:51

So I'll restrain from my ranty telling her to fuck right off message and try and be calm on your behalf.
As others have said in every possible way THIS PERSON IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Simple. Do not doubt your own feelings on this for one single minute. I am an extremely flexible and tolerant person Wink but I cannot see one single excuse for this persons behaviour. Drop her. You don't have to make a big thing about it, do not engage, block her calls. It may be prudent to have a few calm choice words to say if she turns up on your doorstep for a confrontation (sounds like the type of controlling bat shit self obsessed looney that might do this). Her behaviour is WRONG WRONG WRONG. You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable Flowers.

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Deidre21 · 25/06/2017 21:45

Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

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TDHManchester · 25/06/2017 22:27

Huckfromscandal ...hahahaaaaaaaaaaa...dont hold back !!

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user1489675144 · 26/06/2017 13:10

Best wishes to you OP - as others have said, she is no friend.
Pam - best wishes to you also - stick with the good friends the rest move on from.
There are some parallels when people have children diagnosed with learning disability.... the ones who say "he is not that bad", he is unable to chat and they say "I thought you said he couldn't speak, he just said 'go'... etc.
There are some very nasty and insensitive people out there, some appear very self centred, entitled and everything has to be about them...not worth the effort, life is too short to bother with them, there are much better people who are there for you.

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