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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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Sidge · 20/06/2017 10:10

She's no friend of yours.

A true friend would accept you, warts (guide dogs) and all.

It's like asking a friend who has become a wheelchair user to not come to your house because the wheels mark your floors.

I'd want to respond quite bluntly (with swear words probably as I like a good swear) and make it quite clear that the friendship has run it's course and has no future because she's a self centred, disablist twat.

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NavyandWhite · 20/06/2017 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sabistick · 20/06/2017 10:11

Show your other friends (who might know her) her behaviour and views need to be exposed- polite reply to her saying sorry she feels this way, but obviously her views are inconsistant with continued frendship therefore end of friendship, block (and breath!)

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AperolOnIce · 20/06/2017 10:11

This -


Dear Edna
Your response to my impromptu gathering and the limits you have imposed on our friendship say so much more about you than they do about me
I apologise that you have been subjected to being friends with such a fraudster for all these years, i feel the kindest thing i can do for you is to end our friendship. Good luck finding new friends you incredible turd face
Regards

by a poster up there ^ -

Absolutely brilliant!

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shinynewusername · 20/06/2017 10:12

I like scrambled's response.

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FastAbsorbingCake · 20/06/2017 10:12

Edna.
FUCK
THE
FUCK
OFF

AND
NEVER
RETURN

Oh and Op you are been very UR to not add a pic of your dog.....

I mean seriously Flowers

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WannaBe · 20/06/2017 10:12

I wouldn't dignify her with a response. I've been a guide dog owner for twenty years now, am on my 3rd dog, and in the event of friends who might have had issue with the dog the very fact we were friends meant we were able to discuss the matter as such. E.g. I had one friend who had a dog who didn't like other dogs and as such it was preferable that I not bring the dog to her house, however if ever invited there she would give me a lift so I was able to leave the dog at home.

I've encountered quite a few people who have been accused of exagerating their sight loss though, it baffles me as to what that is about on the part of the accuser, although I do think that there is less understanding of people who have some degree of vision than there is of those who have none.

I've also encountered people who are unwelcoming of guide dogs in their homes and IMO it says a lot more about them than it does about the guide dog owner. Even in the case of people who don't like dogs, the dog can still be kept under control, on a lead etc if you expect people to visit but if people start excluding the dog or being blatantly unwelcoming then they shouldn't be surprised if the guide dog owner chooses to no longer engage....

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troodiedoo · 20/06/2017 10:12

I like the cut of your dh's jib.

You could just send her a link to this thread Grin

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LetsSplashMummy · 20/06/2017 10:13

I'd be tempted to act puzzled by it.

"Why on earth would I invite you? There were a number of very much needed guide dogs there, a need you clearly don't understand or tolerate. I couldn't risk you offending my friends with your attitude to sight loss, or have your child scared of the dogs. It confuses me that you think you should have been there, your email shows that you don't seem to like me very much. Please don't contact me again."

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NannyOggsKnickers · 20/06/2017 10:13

She's a knob, but she probably already knows that. I'd go with a really factual message- don't give her anything sweary or emotive to focus on and twist out of context. Just slightly re-write your OP to give her your perspective on where things have gone wrong. And then layer in how hurt you are. Finish with a clear cut goodbye and say you don't need disablist people in your life.

She's not a friend. She never has been. Otherwise she's ducking realise that your guide dog is not your pet.

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CoughingForWeeks · 20/06/2017 10:14

I really dislike dogs and always have, however one of my oldest, closest friends is currently undergoing investigations after loss of vision and if it turns out that she ends up needing a guide dog, I'll suck it up and support her like a proper friend should. Your friendship with this woman has clearly run its course, but it sounds like you already have better, more supportive friends around you.

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:14

And apologies to all the picture requesters... I'm a bit of a tech doofus and it'll probably take me a while to work out how to post...

But he's a lovely black lab retriever cross, with lovely soft fur and a bit swishy fluffy tail with a grey muzzle and eyebrows 😍

Sometimes I think he's cuter than my kids Blush

OP posts:
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Fl0ellafunbags · 20/06/2017 10:14

I think my very intelligent response would be "cock off cocksucker"

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chumpchange · 20/06/2017 10:15

I should just leave him at home

OK, fine, as long as when she comes to visit you she leaves her house wearing a blindfold?

Honestly some people.

Edna sounds completely clueless. I'm pretty sure you can do much better OP.

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blueskyinmarch · 20/06/2017 10:16

Edna is no friend to you. I would message her back to let her know that you are no longer the worst friend she has ever had because you are now no longer her friend at all. You really do not need this woman in your life. Her loss.

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HildaOg · 20/06/2017 10:16

She's a nasty cunt. Cut her out. Your dog sounds lovely.

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seafoodeatit · 20/06/2017 10:16

What an awful woman, you're well within your rights to send a very sweary email! I really don't like dogs, BUT I would be fine if a close friend had a guide dog and brought it to my house when they visited, I don't see how she doesn't recognise it's importance! I would send one of the suggestions telling her to fuck off and then completely cut her out/ignore her.

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steppemum · 20/06/2017 10:17

can you somehow accidentally send her a link to this thread?

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TieGrr · 20/06/2017 10:18

I'd be sorely tempted to screenshot that message and post it on Facebook but you're probably a lot nicer than me.

Oooh... do this!

Normally, I'm all for taking the high road and remaining cool and dignified but in this situation, I'd be very tempted to send her the sweary message.

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SillyLittleBiscuit · 20/06/2017 10:18

Your dog sounds awesome. Edna sounds like a berk.

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Chestervase1 · 20/06/2017 10:19

Your freind is appalling but I do have severe allergies and I could not be around a guide dog. I do think people minimise allergic responses mine are severe. I can even got a bad response from clothing of someone who has a dog.

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stopfuckingshoutingatme · 20/06/2017 10:19

Your message in your first post is spot on

Take a deep breath and send it !!!!

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Groovee · 20/06/2017 10:19

Dear Edna,

Congratulations! I never knew you were an eye specialist and you are telling me I am no longer losing my sight! Will you be telling the DWP on your specialist advice that I no longer require their help!

Seriously though, you seem to think I am a fake and it perplexes me as to why you would want to come to a guide dog meet up when you hate dogs and my own one is not welcome near you. I think this says more about you than me!

I wish you well in life!

Kind regards

Miffed

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WutheringTights · 20/06/2017 10:20

Never write anything you wouldn't want made public. A good tilt to live by. I'd just ignore and block.

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ClopySow · 20/06/2017 10:20

That would be the end of it for me.

I'd either respond with "goodbye edna" or not respond at all.

Or...I'd copy and paste her message to my facebook wall and tag her. Maybe.

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