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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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PaperdollCartoon · 20/06/2017 09:58

What a bitch! You don't need to continue this 'friendship', sounds like you have plenty of lovely friends as well. Ditch her.

I'd love to say just ignore her, but I couldn't. I would send a very 'fuck off loaded message back, sounds like one has been building up for a while.

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senua · 20/06/2017 09:58

Sorry you weren't invited but my dog doesn't like you. . .

That is brilliant!Grin

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balence49 · 20/06/2017 09:58

Her child will be scared of dogs, wonder why? What a ignorant git. Sounds like your well rid of her.

Go do something nice and enjoy your day!

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PastysPrincess · 20/06/2017 09:59

Ignore her completely and sign her up to all the marketing for guide dog charities. Grin

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MsPassepartout · 20/06/2017 09:59

Shock

Edna's attitude is appalling. Her ranty message must have been very hurtful.

Not sure how to respond but I'd find it very difficult to get over the accusations that I was making up the sight loss. Is it Edna who said that you don't look blind? Doesn't she realise that blind people don't generally look any different to anyone else?

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troodiedoo · 20/06/2017 10:00

I don't normally advocate violence but I really want to punch your friend in the face.

Please remove her from your life

And give your dog a stroke from me.

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BeeFarseer · 20/06/2017 10:00

What an utter cunt!

She clearly doesn't realise that asking you to leave your dog behind is like asking a mobility impaired person to leave their rollator, or stick.

FUCK her. It's definitely time to cut her loose. I'm too hot to word good today, but collectively, we can all come up with a good response for you, I'm sure.

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TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 20/06/2017 10:00

You could either send her my favourite "fuck off" meme of all time...or you could write her an exquisitely polite note in which you explain basically what asmoto said. Don't get angry, don't engage with all the emotion, just state the facts: Edna - you do not like my dog and your child is scared of him. I cannot go anywhere without my dog. Ergo - the only solution to this is that we part ways.

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
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Misspilly88 · 20/06/2017 10:00

That is not normal behaviour and certainly not your fault. It will be upsetting because she has been in your life for a long time but honestly she's not a friend.

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coldcanary · 20/06/2017 10:02

What does she think they do, hand guide dogs out to anyone who wants one? Silly cow..
What I'd want to do is just let rip at her about her awful attitude to your disability, her disablism in general and her disgusting attitude. What I would do is block her on everything and accept that she's no real friend and obviously hasn't been for some time.

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LorelaiLeighGilmore · 20/06/2017 10:03

OP just say what you said at the end of your OP...... "you're the cunt".... blah blah.

What a nasty cow Edna is. Absolutely not a friend. Bye bye Edna.

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TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/06/2017 10:03

Just reply back, "Since you are unable to accept my disability, it's best to part ways."

Short and sweet. It's her issue, she can deal with it.

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IHateUncleJamie · 20/06/2017 10:03

What a disablist bitch. I know it's better to maintain a dignified silence but I would HAVE to have the last word. I'd message her back pointing out that SHE is the one who refuses to accept your disability and your guide dog and that is herproblem, not yours. Therefore you won't inflict yourself on her for one more minute and that you'll be blocking her as her discriminatory and frankly nasty attitude is unacceptable.

Then block her.

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LoveB · 20/06/2017 10:03

'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest...

Send that!! Just send it and then unfriend her on facebook and move on, she is a mahoosive bitch and you really do not need that in your life. She needs telling, I wouldn't be able to ignore her tbh.

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No1blueengine · 20/06/2017 10:04

sometimes friendships serve a purpose in a particular place and time and then need to be left behind. I think this one of them.

I just cant even fathom the amount of self absorption necessary to write an message like that.

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NellieFiveBellies · 20/06/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/06/2017 10:05

I'm pretty sure they don't hand out guide dogs to everyone who fancies a pet.

If you had an artificial leg, would she ask you not to wear it?
Your dog is equally important for your independence and mobility

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AnniesShop · 20/06/2017 10:07

I wouldn’t explain anymore, you’ve explained enough times already.
At first I was all for the fuck off message but on reflection being as
she’s such an ignorant fucker I would just ignore, it will affect her more
than trying to get it into her head again ever could.
Oh, and pass on her message to all the people you know.

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sobeyondthehills · 20/06/2017 10:07

Dear Edna

When I first got my guide dog, you told me that you didn't want him in your house, then it was because your child is scared of dogs, this was all fine and I accepted your decision. Keep in mind the chances of you telling someone is a wheelchair wouldn't be allowed in your house because you didn't like wheelchairs is remote, but that is exactly how you are limiting me.

Or

Edna

Stop being an attention seeking cunt and fuck off to fucking beyond and when you get there take your disablist views, stick them up your arse and fuck off further.

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BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2017 10:07

WTAF? She is just vile.

On these threads I always say the best answer is no answer. But in this case I'd have to reply with something withering.

But, most importantly, we need a picture of your dog please. You know the rules OP Wink

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:08

Eeeek... post a message, go for a wee and already a shit ton of replies Shock

I knew I wasn't being unreasonable but it's always nice to have others confirm it! The heat doesn't help as it's made me incredibly intolerant and short tempered (I'm usually very very chill Grin

I swing from wanting to be all cunt fuck twat you to being all dignified and reasonable to just completely ignoring her. I'm assuming she was pissed when she sent it, given the time it was sent - but I believe that booze tends to be a 'truth' potion so now I really know what she thinks of me... which IS hurtful.

DH tells me to just say 'guide dogs don't give out dogs in party bags, doctors don't (tend) to tell fibs & the DWP do their utmost to NOT support people with disabilities, are you sure I've managed to fool so many people?!'

OP posts:
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CryptoFascist · 20/06/2017 10:09

I'd be sorely tempted to screenshot that message and post it on Facebook but you're probably a lot nicer than me.

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ILookedintheWater · 20/06/2017 10:09

Eight years! She's thought you had a guide dog for no reason for eight years?
She's clearly a loon.
Send a clear 'I am a woman who needs a guide dog. You are someone who cannot/will not have my guide dog present in your home or near your child. There is no need to be aggressive that we do not see each other so much any more. It's just the way it is. I need the dog. You need to not be around him. Thus we cannot be as close as we used to be. In fact, given the tone of your message, lets be less than 'not as close' and give it up completely. Do not contact me again.'
Block and move on.

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HappyLabrador · 20/06/2017 10:10

Wow, she's a complete and utter selfish, horrid bitch of the highest order!

Her attitude towards your dog is bizarre! Why would she take such an immediate and intense dislike to him from day one? Odd.

I would want to send a ranty, sweary message too, but I'd probably just block her on all social media, block her number and totally ignore her.

She's a total bitch and doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

I totally agree with another poster who said we need to see a picture of your lovely guide dog...(is he a Labrador? Grin).

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QueenofallIsee · 20/06/2017 10:10

Your response is about what I would send, along with 'you disablist, discriminatory cuntface'

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