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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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MoonGeek · 20/06/2017 10:28

I like floralnomad's response, just keep it factual and simple
Your dog sounds lovely

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BeeFarseer · 20/06/2017 10:29

LetsSplashMummy's message is PERFECT.

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WannaBe · 20/06/2017 10:30

Chestervase1 but if there are genuine issues e.g. Allergies then those are issues which can be discussed between friends, surely?

I don't have any friends with allergies but if I did then that is presumably something which would have been discussed at the outset when the dog was discussed and then subsequently arrived. Also, the OP's friend was bitching that she hadn't been invited to the OP's get-together where several dogs were present. If she'd had a genuine issue then she would have not expected to be invited on the basis that several dogs would be present.

OP feel free to have a look for the guide dogs free run group on FB, you can come and bitch to the rest of us there. Smile.

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TattyCat · 20/06/2017 10:32

Edna, I can no longer argue with stupid.

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user1495915742 · 20/06/2017 10:33

Awful

I'm not really sure what you'll achieve by replying to be honest. In her mind she will be right whatever.

Sounds like you had a lovely afternoon with all your doggy loving friends though. Just as well she wasn't invited to spoil it.

Block and move on. You will be well rid.

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WateryTart · 20/06/2017 10:33

The friendship is over, it must be a relief.

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:34

Can I just say...

Thank you all Grin I'm off work today and everyone I know to rant to is at work and knew I'd be stewing on this all day if I didn't vent somewhere!! SO glad there are as many sweary people as me and it's really helped to get it off my chest and calm a little to the point where I've decided to go down the ignore & block route. I'll tell my friend who's appallingly bad at keeping things to herself so then it's one telling of why rather than multiple telling!

Also, to the other VI ladies & mother of, waves nice to 'meet' others in the same boat!

OP posts:
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plominoagain · 20/06/2017 10:34

Works for me ...

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
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pictish · 20/06/2017 10:34

Sounds good.

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plominoagain · 20/06/2017 10:35

Forgot the file idiot ..

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
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MaterEstIratus · 20/06/2017 10:35

Ignore her -she doesn't deserve a response and accept the friendship is over -but passive aggressively put a lovely photo of your dog on FB, with a caption "This is my best friend and my eyesight. We come as a package - otherwise I fall over." - or something.

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ErrolTheDragon · 20/06/2017 10:35

The people calling 'Edna' a bitch are being VVVU - how insulting, associating blameless female dogs with this unpleasant dog-hating woman. Shock

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TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/06/2017 10:36

Op, I dare you to post that meme on your FB page before you block her.

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HappyFlappy · 20/06/2017 10:36

What Asmoto suggested.

She really is being appallingly selfish - I hope for her sake that she is never in the position of having to rely on anything other than her own body in order to live a free and fulfilling life!

It is HER choice to refuse to accommodate your dog. You have repeatedly provided hospitality in yours, with no complaint about how it is always your tea/coffee/biscuits etc that get used.

How would she feel if you refused to allow her child into your home? I'm sure she would be thoroughly pee'd off!

Asmoto has offered a brief, courteous and to-the-point reply. I would use that.

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Clalpolly · 20/06/2017 10:38

A working dog is not a bouncy yapping Jack Russell (I know one ; he's lovely; I love dogs but a dog hater would really hate him).
If she can't support you she can fuck off.

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HappyFlappy · 20/06/2017 10:38

BTW- when she comes to you home, does she expect you to put your dog out of the room? Just wondering.

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StormTreader · 20/06/2017 10:38

"Why on earth would I invite you? There were a number of very much needed guide dogs there, a need you clearly don't understand or tolerate. I couldn't risk you offending my friends with your attitude to sight loss, or have your child scared of the dogs. It confuses me that you think you should have been there, your email shows that you don't seem to like me very much. Please don't contact me again."

I really like this one ^

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Nonibaloni · 20/06/2017 10:39

I forgot to my response!

Definitely ignore the message, you can't argue with stupid (I'm being kind). But don't block. Spend the next few weeks posting about you and your guide dog having a blast. Wait till she blocks you. Do you have any friends in common? Or is this woman as hateful to everyone?

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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:44

Happyflappy - when at home he's usually doing his own thing... ensuring his toys are 'safe' rearranging his bed, keeping an eye on what's going on in the garden, if the kids are home he usually sleeps/chills in the hallway to keep an eye on and ear out for everyone in the house... and to be fair, she'd rarely come to mine. When out he just tucks himself away under my chair and I think she usually forgot he was there!

OP posts:
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DJBaggySmalls · 20/06/2017 10:44

TIL there are people who believe that Guide Dogs for the Blind will give you a £50,000 dog if you are 'attention seeking.'

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HappyFlappy · 20/06/2017 10:46

RULE, not tilt

The joys of autocorrect, Wuthering. Grin

Not trying to be goady, OP - how do you access websites such as this? Do you have one of those talking computers, or do you just increase your font size to about a million (I worked with a lad who had to do this - only got about two words on a page but it meant he could do his job).

There are so many things which we take for granted when we have all or faculties, that it never occurs to us the problems caused when that facility is lost or limited.

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Hissy · 20/06/2017 10:48

Oh yes, def screenshot her message and put it on your FB.

People need to know what an a grade bitch she is.

Send your message, and send the swears too. she deserves it both barrels.

You don't owe her the monumental effort it would take to moderate your tongue.

She is a truly vile and despicable person!

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HappyFlappy · 20/06/2017 10:48

I basically have really sever tunnel vision

Sorry - I see you've described your problem.

I really should read to the end of the thread before sticking my oar in (but I never learn . . . ). Grin

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diddl · 20/06/2017 10:50

"I invited friends only".

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BarbarianMum · 20/06/2017 10:53

What a bitch! I'm allergic to most dogs so don't have them in my house or go to theirs (including assistence dogs) but I'd be really apologetic about it and at least try and maintain the friendship based on meeting up outdoors.

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