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'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
user1485778793 · 21/06/2017 20:43

Your friend is a disgrace! Get rid of her, explain how disgusting her attitude is towards your disability, a real friend wouldn't behave like that. Is a friendship with her that important?or can you let her go now she's shown her true colours?

Starlyte · 21/06/2017 20:44

As someone else, who is more level headed than I am, it would be maybe better to just cut her off your mobile/social networks/etc and ignore her. She does sound jealous of your dog (weird??) or your faculty to manage your life, or something, and there's nothing better for someone like that than being ignored.
Live your life, which you are well capable of doing with out an annoying personnage insulting you, and give your lovely dog a kiss on the nose from me :D

helenlsmith · 21/06/2017 20:57

maybe its jealousy, that you're using the dog to rely on and not her

pam290358 · 21/06/2017 21:15

Bemusedmoose. I love this !! I posted earlier on this thread as to how I have been disabled since birth, but have had a similar experience with some of my friends cutting me out of their social activities now that I am reliant on a wheelchair more - I hasten to add that I'm self reliant, it's a lightweight chair and I'm a lot more mobile since I started using it. Nevertheless, some people have just got a pig headed attitude which is rooted in ignorance and possibly a bit of fear as well. I think I will now be using this argument - If I can't bring my wheelchair to your social event, you can't bring your legs to mine !! Lovely !!

slkk · 21/06/2017 21:24

Op, I'm sorry your friend is so rotten. I too have RP but not as fast degenerating as you. However, when I lost my driving licence, my friends couldn't have been more accommodating, often going out of their way to collect me or arranging things where I can get to. I agree with everyone else, if your friend really cannot see how selfish she is, then she is far blinder than you will ever be. She needs to be told, then depending on her response, blocked.

slkk · 21/06/2017 21:26

Oh and I do get that because the sight you have is good (I don't even wear glasses) apart from the night blindness, people don't always get how little you can see. But a real friend (or decent person) really should be able to grasp this with a little explanation.

Spiderling · 21/06/2017 21:31

My God what an idiot that 'friend' of yours is. She's not worth you time sweetie, really. Enjoy your life as it is with your fantastic dog and don't even let her waste a minute of your time - losing sight myself here honey, different reasons by the sound of it and am in the process of Guide Dog application right now Halo - with some people I know already giving me a look as if I'm faking or just seeking attention - but I just shake it off my shoulders, if they don't recognise one of the guide canes I use or the fact I often walk with my hand on my DH/friend's shoulder - just proves how thick some of today's world truly are Wink No worries honey Star

Ladylisa · 21/06/2017 21:40

Tell her you'd like to play a game with her called "fuck off" and she can go first!!
I have a "friend" similar ish, we stopped speaking for a year or so because of her and her daughter being rude to me about my personal appearance- (I get my hair and nails done, wear make up, dress smartly, so I don't look like a tramp, yes I'm overweight, they saId my eyebrows were too big, I needed to contour my face to make it look thinner, French manicures were trashy looking, and I needed to go to the gym as it would change my life )then just before Christmas last year she got back in touch to ask if we could meet up, I did but the friendships not the same, she has to contact me, I can't forgive her, but I was lonely and vulnerable
In hindsight I shouldn't have met up with her
She always comes to me, I never go to hers, she complains my house is untidy, washing and ironing everywhere and I don't have the energy to say fuck off! Although I know I should

nakedscientist · 21/06/2017 21:42

Utterly unforgivable:
Dear ExDF
Thanks for letting me know how you really feel. Now I can let you know how I feel. I don't think there is any milage in our 'friendship' anymore. I didn't invite you because I didn't want you to be there. I prefer to socialise with genuine friends.
Miffed and doggiemiffed

SherbrookeFosterer · 21/06/2017 21:47

I know it is sometimes not well seen, but I would ghost her.

There is something very powerful about a deafening silence.

I hope you soon meet kinder & nicer people.

Good luck.

lolalola19 · 21/06/2017 22:09

What a total cow - you NEED your guide dog the same as she NEEDS to eat, breathe, sleep etc. Tell her to bollocks - you do not need friends like her


lovelykins · 21/06/2017 22:12

Dear Edna, I'd love for you to come over to see me; just one thing, though, can you leave your sight at home so we can be on even terms?

Thehappygardener · 21/06/2017 22:14

She isn't a friend, she is quite selfish and self entitled. I agree with the response posted by ScrambledSmegs yesterday:

'I'd be blunt, but not sweary. Something to remind her that it's not all about her. Along the lines of:

"I am severely visually impaired. I have been assigned a guide dog because of this. You are not a good friend to me because you cannot accept this."

Then block her.'

I know it's very hard to let go of people who have been friends but sometimes it just needs to be done.

Incidentally, I'm a stepgranny and I've got a so called 'friend' who is rude about my dog, sneery about my step children and their children, and either doesn't turn up or makes utterly pathetic excuses. So yes, I must follow my own advice and block her!

Hope it all ends well - am sure it will. 🌺

pollymere · 21/06/2017 22:20

My dd is terrified of dogs, except guide dogs. She realized that they're highly trained and behave. If your friend can't realise this, then you need to have friends who do.

Giraffey1 · 21/06/2017 22:38

She is not your friend - a friend would be understanding and caring and find ways of including you AND your dog.
I'd be tempted to reply to her along the lines that your have tried for some years to get her to understand the challenges you face and how important your guide dog is to your mobility and independence. That you're sorry she is choosing to wilfully ignore this, and that as she clearly doesn't really value your friendship you think it's best you don't contact each other again.
Then just block her.
Some friends are meant for life, some just for a while. She is clearly in the latter camp!

TheMaddHugger · 21/06/2017 22:39

(((((((((((Mega Madd Soft Hugs))))))))))))) pam290358 Flowers

TheMaddHugger · 21/06/2017 22:44

My only problem with guide dogs is.............
They aren't Mine and I'm not allowed to smooch and cuddle them

((((((((Hugs))))))) OP. You are well rid of this 'fair weather friend'

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...
poweredbybread · 21/06/2017 22:46

Block her, disablist bitch
Just this really

mummyhappiness · 21/06/2017 22:51

You don't need "friends like that".
I'd message her back keeping it blunt and to the point. I wouldn't lower myself to her level and start f-//ing her out of it.
Move on. Good luck Flowers

thecatsabsentcojones · 21/06/2017 22:57

If you're in Kent come over here, I have to hold my kids back from the amazing creatures that are guide dogs. Like their own dogs but a hundred times more clever. They're so lovely.
And this 'friend' is obviously a massive über cunt, tell her to go and fuck herself.

achapman · 21/06/2017 23:20

When you get to a point like this you have to decide what the outcome you want is.
Do you want to end the friendship or not?
Do you want to make her feel as upset as you are with her and if so why - what will be achieved by this?
What about any other people involved?
Then do what ever fits the answers to those questions. There is no point doing something that is a knee jerk reaction, if it will create problems down the line.
In other words don't let your response be dictated by her bad behaviour, decide what you want and change the situation to fit that. If that means being blunt with her, be blunt.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 21/06/2017 23:53

This is what the block button is for.

At this point, I wouldn't give it a second thought.


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Dianag111 · 21/06/2017 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2017 00:39

Pam - so sorry your friends have let you down, and expect you to deal with such a devastating loss in a ridiculously short time period, because it somehow inconveniences them - appalling attitude.

I assume, because I haven't looked, that you are a new poster here? I'm only asking because your username seems to have a lot of personal info in it, and for the sake or your online anonymity and safety, I would consider changing the numbers to something less like a birthdate (unless it's not yours, of course!), just to be on the safe side.

I do hope that you still have caring friends and family who are looking after you xx Thanks

dstill1964 · 22/06/2017 05:48

Not much of a friend if she expects u to leave him behind when he's your guide dog . I'm not a doggy person but wouldn't affect my friendships if any of my friends needed one. X

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