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AIBU?

'Friend' can't or won't accept my guide dog...

417 replies

ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 09:47

Not so much an AIBU but more a how would you respond?

(Long time lurker, first time poster, please bare with me etc!)

Back ground... 16 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition which means I am gradually losing my sight - potential to lose it completely, but the hope is I'll always retain SOME useful vision - obviously at the time I was devastated and really thought that was the end of any meaningful life for me. I didn't & still don't 'look blind' (not sure what blind is supposed to look like, but clearly I don't fit the stereotype that most have!), but was/am blind enough to be registered severely sight impaired & for guide dogs to think I'd benefit from a guide dog.

Eight years ago I was matched with my amazing guide dog, apart from the obvious, he made me realise that meaningful life wasn't at an end, but just a different route to the one I thought I'd be taking!

At the time one of my then closest friends (shall we call her Edna?!) told me that I would not be allowed to take my dog to her house as she doesn't like them, while I was a bit upset I accepted that as it's her home and she gets to decide who & what goes there so said we'd be meeting in public or at my house instead... initially this was fine, but after a couple of years she started to complain that I never made any effort to go to hers. I pointed out that she had an issue with my guide dog going to hers and that was why, she accepted it for a while but then the little digs started up again and it became a real cycle... meeting up for a while, the digs starting, me having to remind her that I'm visually impaired and that he's my guide dog and essentially a mobility aid, he enables me to get from a to b safely etc, her grudgingly accepting it and then the cycle starting again. She's had a child since then and now the reason is her child is scared of dogs (again, that's fair enough, I'm not one of these people that thinks the world and his wife is going to love my dog in the same way I do, but he really IS lovely Grin)

Obviously, this has had an effect on our friendship! It's boring and to be quite honest I find it disrespectful that I had to continuously remind her WHY I no longer spend time at hers (HER choice) and we are no longer the close friends we once were. But we do still occasionally meet up for a catch up meal/drinks, there was no big falling out it was just a gradual parting ways sort of thing. As such I no longer invite her to all the things I would have once invited her to.

On Saturday I had an impromptu get together at mine in the afternoon for a few hours, some old and new friends, some other guide dogs & their owners, friends with kids & mine, a paddling pool, food and just a nice afternoon. Naturally, pictures and posts were made on stage whispers Facebook - and last night....

I got an incredibly ranty message from Edna, calling me the worse friend she's ever had, why hadn't I invited her on Saturday, why did I always use the dog as an excuse not to go to hers, I should just leave him at home, I had and continue to exaggerate the extent of my sight loss, calling me an attention seeking fraud and much more... Confused Hmm

It's REALLY upset me! I basically want to message her back and say 'YOU'RE the cunt that decided my taking steps to deal with MY sight loss doesn't fit what YOU want in a friend and that's why we're no longer fucking close!' With a few more swear words added in probably to be honest... Blush

But what I really want is a clear fuck off and fuck you message without actually saying that so the least drama possible can escalate from it...

Suggestions gratefully received! And congrats I feel you made it to the end of this epic first timers post Shock

OP posts:
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ReallyRatherMiffed · 20/06/2017 10:53

Happyflappy - I have a condition called retinitis pigmentosa. It's basically a continuously getting smaller tunnel of vision, so the sight I have is good, but there's just very little of it. If you grab a smartie tube and look through that, that's how I see. So walking down a road like that without a cane or dog is incredibly challenging... I once somehow managed to miss barriers around an open man hole and broke my foot!

Completely night blind and for me it's dark when for others it's dusk.

OP posts:
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ScruffbagsRUs · 20/06/2017 10:53

Dear Edna,

You need therapy to get over yourself. That said, don't bother as we're done.

Love

Miffed

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LorLorr2 · 20/06/2017 10:55

How bizarre!
Is she herself afraid of dogs? Maybe she is jealous that you're closer to the dog than her Grin or maybe she genuinely needs educating on what they do?

I like LetsSplashMummy's suggestion.

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TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/06/2017 10:55

Maybe she's jealous that the dog has more personality than her.

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quizqueen · 20/06/2017 10:57

Does this woman actually think that the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association would waste their valuable and limited resources on providing a dog to someone who didn't actually need one! Tell your friend you and you dog come as a package job and that, if she can't accept that after all these years, you see no point in continuing this friendship.

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B19M · 20/06/2017 10:59

*
"I am severely visually impaired. I have been assigned a guide dog because of this. You are not a good friend to me because you cannot accept this."

^
This is perfect.
What an ignorant trollop Edna is😮

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hackmum · 20/06/2017 10:59

I very much like plominoagain's pic and message.

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HappyFlappy · 20/06/2017 10:59

Miffed - what an incredibly dangerous and frustrating condition that must be. As another poster has said - they don't give out guide dogs like smarties. If you have one, you need one.

A friend of mine puppy walks for the Guide Dogs association - I don't know how she can do it because she has to give them back! (I would want to keep them all - forever!) Grin

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user1495915742 · 20/06/2017 11:00

when at home he's usually doing his own thing... ensuring his toys are 'safe' rearranging his bed, keeping an eye on what's going on in the garden, if the kids are home he usually sleeps/chills in the hallway to keep an eye on and ear out for everyone in the house...

What a shame you won't have to share him with her.

Wink

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Underthemoonlight · 20/06/2017 11:00

We used to train guide dogs when I was younger they are best type of dog to be around children and the home. They professionally trained. Is it a labrodour? We had several but unfortunately one failed and we got her back lucky I know they can go on to be hearing dogs but she was the best dog I ever had.

In terms of your friend you could reply something along the lines of

Dear Edna

It is with much relief I write to inform you that I relinquish this friendship if you want to even call it that. Maybe get a dictionary and look it up whilst also there why look the type disabilitist and arsehole you will find the description pretty fitting for you. I much rather spend may time with people who are not prejudice towards my disability and dog. She makes a much better companion than you ever were.

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tabbymog · 20/06/2017 11:01

I echo everyone else, this is a special, extra-nasty level of bitchery. Swinging between icy politeness and outraged fuckery here, but I'd definitely remind her that she's been undermining your friendship for eight years with her bigotry and vileness and you've been the tolerant one trying to keep the friendship going. Now you've given up on her.

Did I say 'what a bitch'? What a bitch.

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one2three4five · 20/06/2017 11:04

I can't get my head around this. How can someone be so disgustingly rude and ignorant?

You and your beautiful dog are welcome at my house any time! I love all dogs, and especially adore service dogs, they are so incredibly important and life changing. I work with dogs, and service dogs always get extra treats when they come in (with permission from their owner of course!).

I sometimes think my dog is cuter than my children too, and he's not even a guide dog! Grin

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ohfourfoxache · 20/06/2017 11:07

I also really like Splash's response. It's final and to the point

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UnbornMortificado · 20/06/2017 11:07

She's took being an arsehole to a new level, can't believe how horrible some people are.

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MinorRSole · 20/06/2017 11:07

I really want a guide dog now, hadn't realised it was so easy to get one....I'll just pretend I can't see too well HmmConfused

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PrimalLass · 20/06/2017 11:10

I'd be tempted to put the whole message and your response on Facebook too.

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waitforitfdear · 20/06/2017 11:11

Silly bitch she sounds vile.

Message her anything to end the friendship, she's no friend anyway and give your dog a huge hug from me he sounds immense xxx

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honeyroar · 20/06/2017 11:13

Dear Edna, thank you for putting your true feelings into writing, it makes this so much easier. For eight years I've tried to maintain this friendship, despite you showing no understanding or empathy to my illness and the fact that I depend on a guide dog. I think it's better that I spend my time with real friends and not people that think I'm a fraud. Best wishes for the future.

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BigDamnHero · 20/06/2017 11:15

'Edna, you seem to think I, the doctors, the Guide Dogs people and the people at the DWP are all in a conspiracy to deceive you but I think it's time you realised my loss of sight ISN'T ABOUT YOU. It's time me and my lovely dog parted ways from you and your self-absorption. I must say, I think I have the better company out of the two of us. P.S. Fuck you.'

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Floggingmolly · 20/06/2017 11:16

Why don't you just leave your guide dog at home, because she doesn't like him? She's clearly soft in the head, poor cow Shock

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zzzzz · 20/06/2017 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WJJWOO · 20/06/2017 11:16

This is not the actions of someone who calls themselves a friend, a friends accepts you for who you are warts and all, and she should have been supportive rather than dismissing you. Also, why are you going to invite someone to your house who doesnt like dogs when there are going to be more than yours there. Honestly, I wouldnt get in a row about it, you have said your knee jerk reaction so leave it at that and concentrate on your new and old friends who dont judge you or your dog.

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n0rtherrn · 20/06/2017 11:17

What a bitch.

I'm not a lover of animals being in my house, but I would always welcome someone with a guide dog!

I wouldn't even dignify it with an answer. I would block and delete her from everything she could contact you on and move on.

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MatildaTheCat · 20/06/2017 11:19

Seriously, how have you tolerated this for 8 bloody years?

'Edna, you are asking me to choose between you and my guide dog. I will have a think and let you know the answer. Ok, I've had a think. Fuck off.'

And definitely send her a link to this thread. You've been much, much nicer about her than she deserves.

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pictish · 20/06/2017 11:20

You could simply reply,

Oh you silly bitch. There are not the hours in a day to respond to your crap. Off you fuck and don't come back. We are done here.

Then block her.

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