Aibu to just want to have normal sex without faffing about for ages, sulks or sexual compromises!

[juststopthefaffing]

I should start with I love my dh we have been together for 18 years since we were teenagers. Our relationship outside this issue is very good.

But the last 3 years when we have sex he can't maintain an erection for long and even when he does it is lacking in the um... what's the word- hardness ? It like it can't quite decide whether to quit and go home.

He is 33 so he's still relatively young and also healthy.

This has become a big thing (for him). He get so incredibly frustrated he gets annoyed and willing to do pretty much anything to get actual sex.

This means that I spend a lot of my time just trying to keep him happy, I'm sure you can imagine the general picture but it also means that I end up doing things I am not 100% happy with just to make the actual sex physically possible.

He won't admit there is an issue because it works when we go through the annoying and frankly boring to me steps that we have to go through but even then by the time we actually get to have sex I can't even be bothered or worse I just feel like I don't want him anywhere near me anymore!

I feel bad for him, but tbh I'm starting to feel like why should I never have "nice" sex again. I want him to go to the gp he point blank won't and I know that no amount of cajoling ,threatening or otherwise will change that.

Aibu to want to just have enjoyable sex? Is it cruel to force the point with him?

and going to doctor as a first step - which she might be able to persuade him to do is better than no step at all. because he wont go to a councillor in a million years will he.

what could have happened is that he has had a physical issue, looked for answers in porn, thinks he has found them but its only temporary.

what other options does the OP have?

he is her only sexual partner, she has been with him for years, she isn't going to leave him, she isn't going to confront him about the blindingly obvious porn use and she isn't going to stop having sex. and she isn't going to look at alternatives. so getting him to a doctor is the only thing left on the list.

This thread is absolutely heart breaking. I feel physically ill reading it.

Absolutely 100% porn ...my hubby did it to me ...choke hold ..anal...everything that I hate but i let him coz i thought it's better than nothing.

@mummymeister

nolonger- if you read the full thread you will see that the OP said that he originally 3 years ago had erectile dysfunction. he then seems to have gone on to the porn after that. the root of the issue therefore could be an erection one which he thinks he has "cured" through porn. The point about seeing the GP is that if it some sort of physical issue then pretty soon the porn will stop working as well and what then will he go on to ?

Wish people would stop saying this. It's far more likely that his porn use (unbeknownst to the OP at the time) was the original cause of his ED and he eventually decided to try out his fantasies irl to see if it worked. Unfortunately for OP, it seems it did. I suspect he's been viewing this stuff for a long time and it's been escalating. Op, you need to face the truth. This will only get worse.

3 year old zombie

I knew of two other men who had this 'problem' of only being able to be fully erect when having anal sex - despite their other halfs clearly not enjoying it. Both now are with men. Shocker.

That aside, from what you have described he sounds like an avid porn watcher and the problems have resulted from that. I would not be with someone obsessed with anal because i don't like it - that's literally it. I don't really see how you're going to get past this other than never having sex again which clearly isn't an option.

@Thingsdogetbetter oops!! I never notice, bugger

Would you want your daughter to live like this? With a partner who treated her like her father treats you?

ZOMBIE! why revive a 3 year old thread?

Well if indicators of heart disease don't worry him enough to go to the GP, maybe he would be willing to try supplementing vitamin K2 instead? Which clears plaque out of blood vessels, amongst other effects.