To find DH so embarrassing?

[BladdersRoom]

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

Sorry but I really laughed at this. Really sorry

Whathaveilost - I agree. I used to drink most nights in a bar in Torquay that was full of leather and ponytails. I loved it and there was no ropey behaviour at all!

I agree with the previous posters who say it sounds like you've out grown him. At 46 sadly he is not going to change. I hope you've had a nice day despite his behaviour last night. It does also sound like he has a problem with alcohol as it seems he is unable to handle it like an adult, and drinking to excess so often must be taking a terrible toll on his health - both physical and mental.

Oh no ! My dad was at guns and roses last night and mentioned someone being over top and shouting over the Grenfell tribute. He moved in the end to get away.
I wouldn't go with him to any more events and instead go with friends.

He sounds like a weekend alcoholic. Can show up sober to work 5 days a week but can't have one drink without it turning into a bender. I've been friends with a few - note the past tense. They were subtly sidelined because they were a complete liability when they were pissed. Every night out ruined by their inability to stop at merry and their ability to upset or offend everyone in the vicinity. And any special occasion means everyone watching primed to escort her out at the first sign of trouble.

Problem is they don't stop. I have as little as possible to do with these ex-friends but the rest of the circle is still bundling them into taxis, paying them to get home when they've drunk the fare, taking care of their mate but also making it so the drinker never has to face any consequences of their boozing.

Having one of these types as a friend/social acquaintance is difficult enough, I couldn't imagine it in a partner.

I would only consider staying on the strict condition that once home he gets his backside into AA or some other form of help. If not, leaving will be the trigger for him to either clean up his act or slide into the gutter with a new gang of enabling party pals. Either way it is not your problem or your fault.

Oh no ! My dad was at guns and roses last night and mentioned someone being over top and shouting over the Grenfell tribute. He moved in the end to get away

Oh my, if that's not a wake-up call to MrBladdersRoom, I don't know what is.

You've got time to start again, living with an alcoholic must be exhausting, it's no way to be, OP.

In a way, you're enabling this behaviour.

I think people have already linked to Al-Anon, I hope you click on them.

OP I hope you have a good day. You need to have a serious talk with him and give him a last chance; leave him some information about help and give him some space. Can you go and stay with a supportive friend? Unless he is going to address his drinking and drug problems which are leading to abusive behaviour towards you (and as someone else said, putting you in possible danger) then he needs to know that you are off. I'm sorry to say that I doubt he will change, however please give him a chance so that you will know you tried everything.

He sounds like an absolute knob and if I had been next to him at the concert I would have said something.

Whathaveilost

You're right, sorry.

I meant that, finding your style at 20 and never ever changing doesn't keep you current, or young. But I expressed it badly and on reflection it was a shitty thing to say.

Omg I'm having flashbacks to my (late) ex.

he does this all the time
he's always like this
'as usual' he does this and this and this
he does this EVERY TIME.

but I voluntarily went to a concert with him, knowing all this.

and he just ruined the whole gig for me.

i set myself up for failure.. and I am NOT IMPRESSED!

sorry, luv.. deserved.

I am so sorry the concert was ruined for you and I hope you had a wonderful day in London while your DH spent it vomiting and feeling terrible.

Next time (if there is a next time) say you are going to the toilets, report him to security and have him thrown out. At least you'll be able to enjoy the rest of the concert. He can fester on his own outside in the dark.

At 46, and still being this selfish, he probably won't change unless he gets a fright from a doctor over the state of his liver.

Aspergallus... Pondering for a microsecond.

"Will the jury please disregard..."

Sounds like an instruction to me. Unnecessarily pointed at PaulDacres and I didn't think her advice was 'PA' as you called it. I just don't like seeing posters being singled out as you saw fit to do and then take pains to defend.

sorry, luv.. deserved.

No need to be such twat is there?

Not deserved at all. Just hoping and hoping that this time it will be ok, because what's the alternative? Missing the concert or going alone and not with the person you'd like to be with because they can't behave them self.

How are you feeling, op?
Hope you had a lovely day in London.

And PaulDacre, I'm afraid your advice was totally PA. Be cold, be distant, let him know how pissed off you are. Hopefully it will shake him enough to realise that... Why not just communicate clearly like an adult? This is essentially sulking

well I can only apologise to you if that's the way it comes across, as it certainly wasn't intended that way. Although note that I wasn't suggesting that she not communicate, only that she retain a measure of control by being cool and distant. As I said earlier it can be a useful tool to further a discussion along serious lines. Getting upset and emotional can often be used as a defence mechanism by the other party.

Anyway, none of this is helping the OP, so perhaps we should just agree to disagree?

OP I really hope you've had a nice day today and I hope that you manage to have a productive conversation with your H.

My ex-DH was like this; I used to call him Mr Drinks, Drugs & Rock'n'roll. His behaviour was awful, we lost friends because of it. I ran for the hills.

It was the thought of having children with him that ended it for me; I couldn't face it.

He would be the same age as your husband, OP. He didn't change then & I'm sure he's the same now. his name isn't Simon, is it?

your lucky axl int jump down and punch him -ha been known to

how dare he shoutoutduring a tribute to victim of grenfell-wankr

Theres skmeone exactly like this in my local pub.

He is indeed the laughing stock of the place, everyone feels extremely sorry for his gf, who justs sits quietly while he makes an absolute ass of himself.

People discuss why on earth she is actually with him.

I was at that gig, and there was someone like your husband two rows in front of us.
Bloody embarrassing for you, and hugely annoying for everyone else. Selfish twat.
Good luck at Glasto.

You've got some decisions to make OP but in the meantime I hope you have had an awesome day out and about in London.

Why Highgate? The cemetery?

I would be leaving.

I recently broke up with a man who sounds very similar, especially with the concert. We attended a small concert and he embarrassed me so much the entire time. Before it started, he pushed to the front, pushing people who had got there first out of the way and dragging me next to him. Some people in front of me were saying to some others next to them "don't let him through". I stayed back while he pushed through and tried to stop him from pulling me through a few times before giving up and saying sorry to the people. Then he started trying to talk to the people on the other side of us and one of them actually told him to shut up, cue him almost getting into a fight. Then, during the concert, he screamed over and over even though nobody else was screaming (wasn't that kind of concert) meaning most of the people around us spent the whole concert staring at him and not the band, and to top it off he alternated the screaming with groping me and kissing me which was another thing that nobody else was doing.

This plus a very long list of other embarrassing and/or immature moments spelled the end for the relationship and I haven't been happier since leaving. He was the kind of man who had to be centre of attention with all eyes on him and all ears listening to his (often repeated) stories. I got tired of it pretty quickly. I'm still getting daily messages from him which contain only 'I/me/my' statements.

user1497810687 I'm a long time lurker and have actually just created an account to tell you how unhelpful your comment is. sorry, luv... deserved - I am sure that this is not what OP needs.

You know he has an alcohol problem (and sometimes smokes pot and takes other drugs) and behaves horribly when he's drunk. You can't control or cure the problem. Best seek help for yourself, eg Al Anon, and stop going anywhere with him if he will be drinking.

His name doesn't begin with 'M' does it?