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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find DH so embarrassing?

221 replies

BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:29

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

OP posts:
Lasagnabreath · 18/06/2017 10:50

I don't know why posters are saying he has a drug problem? Adrink problem maybe but not a drug problem.

I think op you need to learn to do things and be by yourself, stop complaining and then carrying on with whatever it is you are complaining about it makes you sound like a martyr.

FindoGask · 18/06/2017 10:52

God, I thought this was going to be about him being a bit loud in the supermarket or something. Of course you're not being unreasonable to find him embarrassing. He's acting like an oaf.

debbriana · 18/06/2017 10:53

I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting? Fuck his feeling. You will be the only one who will always be on the receiving end. If you don't say, he will always think it's ok.

Aspergallus · 18/06/2017 10:53

Please ignore PaulDacres comment on being cool and distant to let him know you are pissed off. He's already behaving like a child, why join in with passive aggressive nonsense.

Now is the time to just live your life. Have the maturity to say, "i don't like xyz...I'm going to do abc/ not go" loud and clear. Start living your life for yourself. Your confidence will grow and you'll soon find the decision about the future becomes clearer.

As a previous poster said, Your life isn't a trial run. You aren't merely a supporting player in the life of your husband. Absolutely. And you don't have to play stupid PA games with him to live the life you want.

YouTheCat · 18/06/2017 10:55

Does he have any good points?

He sounds awful.

ssd · 18/06/2017 10:56
Sad thats so bloody sad
PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 10:57

Findo, yes, I thought it would be about embarrassing Dad-Dancing or something trivial.
This is NOT embarrassing, it is horrible.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 18/06/2017 11:06

I hope by now you are out and about enjoying London without this horrible man-child in tow.

oldbirdy · 18/06/2017 11:11

He clearly thinks the "true him" is the 17 year old hedonist who is the life and soul of the party. It is increasingly sad that at 46 he doesn't realise how embarrassing this behaviour is in a "proper" adult. Tell him, you know those old blokes with greying ponytails and rock t shirts who haven't changed their style since they were 20? Are they cool or objects of derision and pity? That is him on the inside. Not attractive, not fun, just a bit sad. It is ok to accept that your days off being young, beautiful and hedonistic are behind you. If he can't accept that, then I agree you are fundamentally incompatible in what you want in your futures.

temporarilyjerry · 18/06/2017 11:13

Go out on your own OP.

^This. Please don't waste this beautiful day in a hotel room while he sobers up.

gunsandbanjos · 18/06/2017 11:17

I'm not usually one to jump on the LTB wagon, but wow, I couldn't be married to someone like that!

I was married to an absolute moron and eventually saw the light and im now in a blissfully happy relationship. It's amazing how much time I wasted in my previous relationship, hindsight is a wonderful thing!

calzone · 18/06/2017 11:18

I couldn't be with someone like that.

JaneEyre70 · 18/06/2017 11:20

Go out - and let him come and find you when he condescends to get up. I'm sorry OP but that's not my idea of marriage, I would never be with someone that behaved that badly. You are going to be dealing with this for the rest of your life. Is he worth it??

Ginkypig · 18/06/2017 11:21

I hope your out enjoying the city now.

If I was in this situation I'd be getting ready to leave the relationship.

Obviously there may be things that complicate how to end things like children or ownership of a house etc but even if there were those or other factors I'd definitely be ending the relationship.

What you seem to be describing is when your husband is out at work, i.e. Not with you your relationship is fine but once he's home (the only time you get to spend time together) he is a sarcastic, aggressive, drunk. So your whole relationship is you dealing with a drunk who treats you horribly.

I know because you've now stopped drinking that for him and you the relationship has changed (behaviours are now definitely not ok) but all relationship change and the people in them adapt to those changes but it looks like he is unwilling to even consider it.

Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 11:21

Thanks for all the messages and support. I'll update properly when I get to my next hotel tonight but in the meantime, I'm out and trying to find Highgate 😁😎 thanks again, speak soon x

OP posts:
ssd · 18/06/2017 11:28

enjoy your day bladders and take some time to think over your relationship

WillowWeeping · 18/06/2017 11:29

lasagna any 46 year old who is getting off his face on Es and coke at festivals and then behaviour by like a dick can reasonably be described as having a drug problem.

OP I hope you're out enjoying yourself. Please consider leaving your alcoholic husband.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/06/2017 11:30

Good for you Bladders, enjoy the sunshine ! 🌞🐝

AmserGwin · 18/06/2017 11:34

The problem is basically that you have grown up and he hasn't! This would be a deal breaker for me, get rid, he sounds like a prick

IloveBanff · 18/06/2017 11:36

OP, you only get one life! Don't waste any more of yours with this idiot. Divorce him.

mollyblack · 18/06/2017 11:38

My husband was exactly like this. At first i was drinking a lot too, but then i grew up and started to see what an arse he was when drinking. I started to just arrange my own social life as it wasnt fun when he was around as i was constantly worrying how he would behave then having to deal with it when he did get too drunk. Eventually last year after some pretty shitty incidents, i told him if he was going to carry on drinking it was over. He stopped drinking thankfully. I wish i hadnt wastes so much time or tried to minimise how shit it all was.

ChildishGambino · 18/06/2017 11:42

Sorry to question you but he can't just have instantly started drinking and taking drugs, this must have been behaviour that you've previously tolerated or been involved in, surely?

Not that it means you haven't just changed and he hasn't but there must be more to this?

AntiopeofThemyscira · 18/06/2017 11:55

Hmm, it's not always as bad as that though. It does creep up over the years. They keep pushing at the boundaries and you're understanding and kind of making excuses such as "well we did used to drink a lot and I was just as bad so maybe I need to give him time to catch up". Then suddenly you realise it's intolerable. Like the OP is now realising.

MickeyRooney · 18/06/2017 12:10

He's an out and out alcoholic.
i had one of those.
i offloaded him and have been much happier ever since.

Oysterbabe · 18/06/2017 12:20

One day someone is going to knock him out and it will be difficult to find the requisite level of sympathy.

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