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Original poster

To find DH so embarrassing?

221 replies

BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:29

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

OP posts:
CiliatedEpithelium · 18/06/2017 09:52

I disagree with fucking about at Al Anon and that. Alcoholism isn't the biggest problem here OP. It's the fundamental inability to give a shit about your feelings. You have told him how you feel and he just laughs. It's OK to divorce someone because they are (or have become) a complete tit end in every respect.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/06/2017 09:52

*your, not you're Blush.

orangewasp · 18/06/2017 09:55

You're married to a complete buffoon. As he won't recognise he has a problem that affects your relationship for a significant part of each and every week I'd seriously consider walking away. Things won't improve and you only get one life.

Squeegle · 18/06/2017 10:00

ciliated, al anon is all about support for the person who is in the relationship and giving the tools to stop their codependence. And as you mag know being an addict means that you don't care about people's feelings. Now, obviously I have no way of knowing whether OPs DH is an addict, but he is certainly trampling on her feelings. And he's certainly drinking a lot! So there is an alcohol problem there. My ex was like that; it took me a long time to realise that my feelings were as important as his! That is 3/4 of the battle.

Blueemeraldagain · 18/06/2017 10:02

I went to a lot of gigs from 16 to 25ish. I would say every person there (myself included: I sing along) would be guilty of one of the behaviours you describe. I don't think I've ever been to a gig where some 5'10+ guy hasn't pushed in front of 5'2 me to be nearer the front.
The problem is your DH is guilty of all the shitty gig behaviours.
He's already told you he doesn't care if it embarrasses you so you have two choices really: Stay with him but refuse to attend any such events with him or leave him.

"Your life isn't a trial run. You aren't merely a supporting player in the life of your husband." This is great advice.

RandomMess · 18/06/2017 10:05

He's a functioning alcoholic, honestly I would refuse to go out with him and seriously I'd leave over it.

Cookingongas · 18/06/2017 10:11

Please go out

Go sight see- stop for lunch with a book/magazine - and watch the world go by. Don't lie there in wait for him.

BlondeB83 · 18/06/2017 10:15

You seriously need to consider your future with this person - honestly OP I see nothing but misery for you! Run for the hills!

Ceto · 18/06/2017 10:16

He drinks every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Normally to excess. He doesn't go out much so drinks in the house and when he's drunk he's argumentative, hair trigger temperament and sarcastic.

You're dealing with this nonsense four days a week? Why on earth are you still with this idiot? Why do you go any event with him knowing he's going to be like this? Why did you even agree to the festival?

rollonthesummer · 18/06/2017 10:19

I can't believe you find this man attractive-he behaves like a complete idiot.

PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 10:19

He has a problem with alcohol.

But as alcohol only disinhibits us, does not change who we are, it also sounds like he has a problem with selfish, inconsiderate behaviour.

Go out on your own.

CiliatedEpithelium · 18/06/2017 10:22

Squeegle Yeah, sorry. You are right. We have some right clart going down here on a similar vein with a family member so I am projecting no doubt Grin
I just hate that people seem to treat other people with such disdain nowadays. OP's husband is treating her bad, drunk or sober, in season and out. I just want to run away from people en masse currently. : (

ssd · 18/06/2017 10:23

it's not the view out the window you need to think about, its the view of who is lying in the bed

I don't know how you can stand being with someone like that, he sounds a complete and utter dick.

your friends probably pity you.

ssd · 18/06/2017 10:24

I bet he's a prick when he's sober as well

rightwhine · 18/06/2017 10:26

The bottom line is are you prepared to leave him if he doesn't change? Or will you stay with him regardless?
He's not going to change unless you force him and it's only going to get worse if not. He doesn't even see the problem at the moment.

Make a start by refusing to go with him anywhere that drink and other people are involved. Refuse point blank to go to the festival.

See what his reaction to this is. If he shows willing to change, you then tackle the unreasonable behaviour when drinking at home.

TBH it does sound as if he has a real problem with drink. He might need AA to help him but he has to show willing to do what is necessary. Make him realise his marriage is on the line.

PickAChew · 18/06/2017 10:27

What a fucking idiot.

pasturesgreen · 18/06/2017 10:32

It's been said already many times on this thread, but I feel it's worth repeating: your husband is an alcoholic with a drug problem.

Why are you waiting your time with a man like him? What's in this relationship for you?

I hope you've left the drunken arse in the hotel and gone out sightseeing, OP.

Then it's time for some serious thinking when you get back.

FurryLittleTwerp · 18/06/2017 10:36

My H is loud, overly-opinionated & embarrassing after a drink if we're out somewhere. I hate socialising with him.

At home he tends to fall asleep when I refuse to rise to the bait. If I do rise to the bait, he can go on for hours & reheats the same shit in the middle of the night after I've gone to bed. Just exhausting.

PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 10:37

He's not going to change unless you force him

And even then he might not.
This is NOT your problem, it's his, and he is making it yours.

You did not cause this.
You cannot cure it.
You cannot control it.

From here - consider making contact with a local group to help support you.

Falconhoof1 · 18/06/2017 10:37

Sounds like my DH- I tend to avoid night out with him.

ssd · 18/06/2017 10:38

christ theres 2 of them Shock

why are you women putting up with these so called men???

RhiWrites · 18/06/2017 10:41

Am I right there's a ten year age gap between you? When did you get together?

From here it looks like you grew up and he didn't.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 18/06/2017 10:43

He's got a drink problem. Do you really want to be dealing with this for the rest of your life?

Go out and enjoy London on your own. It's one of the safest cities in the world so you'll be fine.

PacificDogwod · 18/06/2017 10:43

ssd, there's armies of them Sad

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 18/06/2017 10:45

Yup, Pacific is right. Often a flash point is the birth of the first child - while one parent is holding it all together, the other is pretending he's still 17.

:(

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