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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find DH so embarrassing?

221 replies

BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:29

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:51

He's like it at any social gathering where alcohol is involved. Another thing he does is decide to go to the front of the gig - this means barging everyone else out of the way and trying to drag me through lots of angry people. When I was a drinker I'd go along with it and pretend not to notice the stares, evils, comments etc but now I refuse and hold back. At the last gig we were at this resulted in him telling me I was ruining it for him by refusing to get "stuck in".

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 18/06/2017 08:51

IM cringing for you!! I would just refuse to go to gigs or out in general with him tbh, if he was otherwise a good husband. I am unsure what else you can do really?

HildaOg · 18/06/2017 08:52

I wouldn't go out with him again. Apart from being embarrassing, he's provoking people. His behaviour could provoke the wrong people some day and it would be dangerous to be with him.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 18/06/2017 08:52

Gawd how mortifying for you.
Today, I'd be cross with him and would calmly and firmly tell him in no uncertain terms how embarrassing he was. Also, the shouting out while the band member was remembering the victims of the Grenfell tower was totally unacceptable. He really needs pulling up on that.

Veterinari · 18/06/2017 08:54

I don't want to cause a row or upset him

Well he's clearly not interested in extending the same courtesy or consideration to you!

You need to have a frank discussion with him. It sounds as if he has an alcohol problem. I'd suggest that you refuse to go to any more gigs with him, or insist he's sober if you go together. His behaviour is incredibly rude and selfish - he ruined the night for you and for a lot of other people. He needs to grow up

CabbageLooking · 18/06/2017 08:55

That's horrendous. Is it purely the drink or is he a dick when he's sober too?

Butterymuffin · 18/06/2017 08:58

Tell him you're not going to any more gigs with him. Or out anywhere else drinking is involved.

humblesims · 18/06/2017 08:58

I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing.
Sorry but I think this is exactly what you need to do.

KungFuEric · 18/06/2017 08:59

You've written about him before haven't you?

Your husband has a serious issue with alcohol. This will not improve. Do you want your life to continue in this vain? I'd be considering making an ultimatum, but only if I was to stick to it.

PaperdollCartoon · 18/06/2017 08:59

Gosh he gets worse every post. What's he like most of the time? Must be great to make up for being so awful when he's had a drink.
As a PP said he's clearly not bothered about your feelings, why should you worry about upsetting him? Awful behaviour from an adult.

Aspergallus · 18/06/2017 08:59

What prettywhiteguitar said.

I cannot believe this dickish behaviour is as confined as you suggest though, OP.

Anyway, I'm a big believer in the "reap what you sew" school of managing behaviour. No arguments just "I'm not going with you because I don't enjoy it when you X, Y, Z". Up to him to decide what to do about it, if anything.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/06/2017 09:00

So he'll tell you you are ruining his night bi problem but you can't tell him in case you cause an argument Hmm

Ooogetyooo · 18/06/2017 09:01

He's 46?? I think your dh has a drink problem .

Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 09:02

I'm just fed up really, I'd looked forward to that for months and half way in, whilst my favourite band was on stage, I was wanting to leave.

What is making me more anxious is that we're going to a festival in a few days where he smokes pot, takes e's and last year, took cocaine. I'm just not into this shit. I feel so out of my comfort zone, especially now that I don't even drink. I'm 36, my days of getting into fights and arguments, getting hammered and shoving toxins down my neck / up my nose are well and truely over. In fact the most I ever did was smoked a joint or two as a teenager. I just can't get my head around behaving like this now. It makes me question our entire compatibility which makes me so sad. I've asked him not to take drugs this year but he won't hear any of it and says it's the one time in the year he can truely be himself. But why does he need all that now, at his age??

In real life he holds a well paid, respectable job and nobody would ever believe he was like this when we go away

OP posts:
Inertia · 18/06/2017 09:02

I would refuse to go out with him, and I would have no fear of upsetting him or having a row. He is an utter idiot. I'd find it very difficult to stay married to someone who clearly had zero respect or empathy for other people.

ijustwannadance · 18/06/2017 09:04

Is he an alcoholic? His drinking seems excessive.

I'd refuse to go anywhere with him. In fact, I couldn't be with someone who behaved like that, especially at 46!

KungFuEric · 18/06/2017 09:06

Don't go to the festival, just don't.

Tell him it's his call to make a mug of himself but you won't allow him to make a mug of you.

Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 09:06

He drinks every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Normally to excess. He doesn't go out much so drinks in the house and when he's drunk he's argumentative, hair trigger temperament and sarcastic.

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 18/06/2017 09:06

And now he takes drugs too? Blimey. You're a much more patient woman than me. Are you going to speak to him properly about it today?

Aspergallus · 18/06/2017 09:07

"Truly be himself"

It sounds like you don't much like who he "truly" is then. Time to let him know that then?

Honestly OP, is this the man for you?

Ooogetyooo · 18/06/2017 09:07

God almighty. You're 36 don't waste rest of your life waiting for him to wake up. Your last post suggests this is a massive sticking point between you. He wants to drink to excess take drugs and behave like an obnoxious teenager and take no responsibility for his actions, you said you don't like it it makes you feel embarrassed, really this is going nowhere and you know it.

Hothothotsummer · 18/06/2017 09:08

I could not go out with him ever. I know exactly the type of bloke he is as there's always one pissing everybody off and knocking into everyone oblivious at any gig. How embarrassing for you. And 46! He's not going to change now is he.

What's he like in everyday life when he hasn't had a drink? Is his behaviour embarrassing in shops, restaurants etc?

hesterton · 18/06/2017 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squeegle · 18/06/2017 09:09

You can't tell him what to do, but you can tell him what you will accept; it feels like you are a bit subservient to him; he tells you you're spoiling his night; but you don't do the same. What would happen if you said I don't want to go out with you when you drink: take drugs?

pigeondujour · 18/06/2017 09:10

Oh no. God how cringe for you (and you sound v lovely as well). So is he an embarrassing/annoying prick 4 nights out of 7?!