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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find DH so embarrassing?

221 replies

BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:29

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

OP posts:
Ooogetyooo · 18/06/2017 09:11

I can't believe he behaves in a different way at work and holds down a respectable job. People can't hide their true personality like that they really can't. His work colleagues will surely know how it really is.

Hothothotsummer · 18/06/2017 09:11

Do you have children?

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 18/06/2017 09:11

My DH grew out of this at about 18. It sounds as if he still thinks he's a teenager.

ChasedByBees · 18/06/2017 09:13

At the festival, I would bring a separate tent and make sure you are nowhere near him. He is upsetting you (and actually putting you in danger) so he can 'be himself'. Why can't you be honest with him about how awful he is?

Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 09:13

See even now, current situation - we're in a lovely "posh" hotel on canary warf. Idea was that we'd get up nice and early, have some breakfast and then go sightseeing. It's 09.10 and I've had a shower, washed my hair, made a coffee and am rearing to go. He's laid beside me with a hangover asleep saying he'll "get up in a minute". He's been saying that for an hour.

I'm laid on the bed looking out on fantastic views of London, the Shard, the gherkin, the Thames - all baked in sunshine and he won't get up. What's the point. What was the point in even paying for this hotel?

Last night we'd planned to go for cocktail in the rooftop bar (another reason we'd booked this hotel) and he'd drank so much at the gig that he didn't want to go.

We did go in the end but I knew he didn't really want to.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 18/06/2017 09:15

Why can't you divorce him?

PatriciaHolm · 18/06/2017 09:15

I can't quite understand what you love about him.

He sounds like a complete fuckwit. I certainly wouldn't be going to a festival with him.

123MothergotafleA · 18/06/2017 09:16

Do you have children, or is he enough of a man child to be getting on with?
You need to hammer home the message, pulling on those big girl pants asMN loves to talk about.

notanurse2017 · 18/06/2017 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 09:17

My current view from the bed - yet my husband is too hungover to appreciate it with me

To find DH so embarrassing?
OP posts:
BrianCantsPants · 18/06/2017 09:17

Go out on your own OP. It's a beautiful day and a lovely part of London.
Leave him to stew in his own juices.

Flowers hope your day and your life improves xx

Ooogetyooo · 18/06/2017 09:18

Leave the hotel. Go out sightseeing, doing whatever you want to do. Leave him in bed. Stop wasting your time . He's wasting yours.

XiCi · 18/06/2017 09:18

What's he like socially when he's not sober? He sounds such an utter knob that I find it hard to believe he isn't a prick when sober as well, especially given he doesn't care about the behaviour when you bring it up with him. Most people are mortified when they act out of character when drunk.

I wouldn't be going to the festival. Sounds like a massive lyrics stressful situation for you.

CalmItKermitt · 18/06/2017 09:18

LTB.

Msqueen33 · 18/06/2017 09:20

I'd think about leaving. Life is too short for his shit!

Dailystuck71 · 18/06/2017 09:21

Go and get breakfast and go out on your own. Have a good day. Leave him to it and then you need to have a full and frank conversation.

Getting drunk wouldn't worry me but 4 nights out of 7 plus drugs very much does. He has a big problem. You need to decide if you can live with it or not if he doesn't decide to get help.

lovelycuppateas · 18/06/2017 09:21

It sounds like he has a real problem with alcohol - drinking to excess four nights a week is really concerning. I'd go for a walk by yourself in the beautiful sunshine and think about what it is you want out of this relationship. It sounds like you don't like or respect him much - and given his behaviour, that's entirely understandable.

picklemepopcorn · 18/06/2017 09:21

Just go. It's great looking around London on your own, you don't have to worry about losing each other!

rizlett · 18/06/2017 09:23

I'm laid on the bed looking out on fantastic views of London, the Shard, the gherkin, the Thames - all baked in sunshine and he won't get up.

So - leave him there and just go off and have a wonderful adventure.

Sort all this shit out later when you've had some time to think it all through. Flowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/06/2017 09:24

Sweetheart, you have outgrown this man child.
I would find him intolerable to live with.
Why on earth do you put up with him.
You could have been lynched last night , all down to him. ☹️🙄

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/06/2017 09:24

Do you have children?

Definitely do not go to the festival, no way, you keep going to things, you don't tell him how embarrassing he is, he clearly doesn't know/care, you are out ly enabling him, start saying no "no I am not hanging out at the tour bus, I am not a horny 16 year old"

Veterinari · 18/06/2017 09:25

I know it's not what you want to hear OP but it sounds as if you want fundamentally different things in life. You are bending over backwards trying to make this work, and he is shitting all over your feelings and your relationship. Bottom line is that the drugs and alcohol are more important to him than you are.

Get up go out, enjoy the sun and think carefully about what you want for the rest of your life. You are 36 - still young, and life is too short to have someone else crap all over it for you.

I'd be issuing him an ultimatum that he learns to enjoy himself sober and gives up the drugs and alcohol or your relationship is over. His choice will tell you everything you need to know.

KungFuEric · 18/06/2017 09:26

Your life isn't a trial run. You aren't merely a supporting player in the life of your husband.

This is it, this is a beautiful day in the sun to go and stroll and see things. You are in control of your life op, don't lay there with a drunk in resentment, choose your day.

KitKat1985 · 18/06/2017 09:26

He sounds like he has a drink problem to be honest if he's getting that drunk 4 nights a week, particularly when he must be aware it turns him into an arsehole. I definitely wouldn't go to the festival with him. As for now, go out and enjoy London and leave him to his hangover. When you get home I think you need to give him an ultimatum about his drinking and say either he tones it down or you get divorced as you can't cope with his behaviour after he's been drinking anymore.

WindwardCircle · 18/06/2017 09:27

He's 46, he's not going to change his ways. The question is can you live with this for the rest of your life? Do you want to be in your 40s or 50s still having to deal with a drunken embarrassment of a husband, whose health is probably now showing the effects of years of heavy drinking.